So this whole job hunt thing….

My mom has been telling me for the last year and a half or so to look for a new job. I knew she was right but I just didn’t feel as though I could abandon ship. I believed God had a hand on my job and when it was time to go I would know it. Its funny that the same day I planned to post my resume on the Internet, I later received a call that we were done. I had gone down with the ship and I still didn’t bail. I knew I wasn’t going to be paid for the last 25 days I worked and I still worked 15 more hours without pay because I felt that Steve was my responsibility. If I didn’t help him…who would? When I was done I swam to shore and went to look for a new ship.
I was a bit too optimistic for my own good. I got into Great American before I had graduated college. It was my first real job and I was there for nine years. So I only ever really job hunted once in my life, nine years ago. I got two interviews almost right off the bat. One had already filled but they liked me. The other did a follow up interview then sent me the nice little letter about how great I would be, just not for them. I got a kick out of that interview. It was almost verbatim what I would interview at my store and the letter was very similar too. I even chuckled a bit during the interview (phone interview) because of the questions. It’s odd having been on the other side for almost six years. I think that’s right. It seams I sat in on interviews when I was an assistant but I don’t remember for sure.
So two strikes right up front and then nothing………. The one interviewer who liked me made me get on unemployment. I had been hesitant about it for two reasons. I didn’t understand how it worked. There was a stigma to it. You hear a lot about people abusing the system and I didn’t want to be one of them, especially if I could get a job right away. Her words, “Listen to a complete stranger, you go get on unemployment now so you have some freedom to get the job you want. It‘s already been paid for and this is exactly what it is for” So I looked on the Internet and I was able to do it without even talking to a single person. (If I had to go in and apply I was going to make my mommy or sister come with me) So that was easy and it does take off some of the burden. So the waiting game begins. I have rules to follow for unemployment, which are easy. So I apply and wait.
It’s a new experience in many ways but the most profound is the new relationship marker between me and God. I have never been in the situation where I have totally had to rely on Him for the outcome. Now have I totally relied on Him for outcomes before? Yes, many. I’ve relied on God as long as I can remember but I cannot remember a time when it was quite this way dealing with just my life. Not even my first job hunt because my parents were backing my money supply at the time. I’m 30 years old and it’s the first time I’ve been on my own in life and had to completely rely on God to help me out of this one. How amazingly blessed am I? There’s so many people out there who never got to leave adolescence or even childhood before their lives were so rocked that they felt this way or much much worse. Course at a young age you wouldn’t understand, sometimes at a mature age you can’t either but I get the privilege this time to know why.
The bible study we did and are starting over later this month was prep work. I stand with a wry grin watching what is going on to me, glance up to the sky and with a shake of my head think, “so it’s refining time is it? Yeah well probably about time.” I’ve had split moments of panic and when I do, I ask one question, “Do I really believe that God has my back on this?” Yes. But that doesn’t mean I can’t screw it up. “Okay, then do you really believe God can use the screw ups?” Yes….fine…fine…you win. And the fear goes away. I’ve thought, nobody wants me... as app after app went unanswered and the small voice said, “or is it that God just doesn’t want you there?” I suppose.
I did get a kick out of a revelation this morning. You have to be careful how you pray. That interview I did that she liked me, they called a few weeks later (2 days ago) and asked me to come in. I didn’t know if it was an offer or a second interview. It was both. I was offered the job but…..it’s just for seasonal work, no guaranteed hours. I didn’t let it get me down too much. It’s another thing to put on the resume and a foot in the door or perhaps just something for me to do while I wait for the right job to open up. I was okay with that. Then this morning I figured out the why. I have been praying that God would help me find a job that I’ll like. Liking the job is more important to me than the money. I need to be able to support myself yes, but I have to at least like my job a little. So how do you know if you like a job? Try it out. This is not a try out to see if they like me enough to keep me down the road, this is my time to see if I like them. It may not be the job for me but I need to know. I need to know if I’ll like the type or work or not before I move on to another kind. So it could still be any of the things I thought before but more than that it’s the answer to my prayer to find out if I’ll like it.
I’m rather grateful for this time. I’ve been able to help out on my grandma’s farm so they could be on schedule to get their pivot. I’ve been able to help around my mom’s and take my grandma to the doctor when no one else knew if they could or not. It’s been nice to be able to help out. The being out of job thing is frightening and I tell God so. It's nice to be in a dialog again. I lost a lot of myself in the last year of so of dad’s cancer. Maybe we’re just on the journey now to find out who it is I need to start becoming again. I’m okay with that.