Torn Paper Bags 7-9

Chapter 7

Kadey managed a few hours of sleep but for the most part tossed and turned. Once again she was the first person up for the day. She stopped at the door and stared at her father’s hat. If she had to call him dad, then she was at least going to have her hat. She went into her room and gathered up the one she had purchased. Throwing it on the hook in place of the other, she set her hat on her head. “Now that’s better.”

Charlise was no where near ready to awaken. Yet the sounds of stirring beckoned her. She didn’t want to miss a thing. She hadn’t been this excited to start a day in a very long time. She forced herself up in bed. Then promptly fell back over. “It’s too early,” she told her pillow. “I can do this.” She sat up again and stared around the room. “What first?” Clothes. Those would be helpful.

She sorted through what she had brought. She wished she had some good boots. She’d have to get Kadey to take her into the town for some. She picked an outfit and sluggishly pulled it all on. Standing in front of the mirror, she gave herself a look over. “This is cute,” she decided. She turned and looked over her shoulder. “Yeah I look good.” Ha, self esteem issues her fanny. Ha Ha. She took a second look, “or do I?” Stop it, a voice in her head commanded firmly.

“Okay, okay.” Now what? “Step two; get really ready for the day.” She located her bible and made her way to the kitchen. Dan sat at the table with a cup of coffee and his own copy of the Word. “Thank goodness, may I?”

“Of course.”

She poured herself a cup adding much more cream and sugar than he had probably put in his own. She sat down and began her devotion.

Dan finished first and quietly drank his coffee as he waited for her to finish. He was fairly sure that the world had vanished from around her as she got lost in the word of God. He could see her eyes as she read along. They never left the page. She was completely devoted to what she was doing. He admired that. When she had finished reading she prayed. When she had finished praying she looked up at him with those copper brown eyes, beautiful eyes. Don’t go there, Dan.

“You’re up early.”

She grinned brightly. “I didn’t want to miss anything.”

“Just what is this anything that you don’t want to miss?”

She shrugged. “I don’t know… anything.”

“Have you never been on a ranch or farm?”

She shook her head no. “I came from a small town in Georgia. Then it was to the big city next, so I’ve never really had the pleasure.”

“How are you so sure it’s a pleasure? Kadey’s mother never did get used to it.”

“Kadey described her as a city girl. I am not a city girl, I’m a town girl. That’s a firm step closer,” she explained.

“Oh, so what you’re really saying is that you’ve given the city its chance to woo you and now you’re giving the country its equal opportunity.”

Her eyes lit up. “That’s sounds like a good line of reasoning.”

“Come on. We might even catch Kadey out in the barn before we lose her for the day to that horse.”

“Do I hear a little envy in that statement?” she asked.

He stood up and offered his hand. She accepted and pulled herself up. He pushed her chair under the table. He thought about playfully denying the question, but that woman would see right though him. “Yeah,” he answered slowly, “at times I do.”

“Have you even tried to speak with her about it?”

He laughed cynically. “Oh yeah. It did not go well. Oh goodness it did not.”

“That does sound bad. Try again?”

“I don’t know Ms Taylor,” he waited for the look. He got it and it made him grin. He knew what she was thinking, soon the two days would be up. “Last time she told me to grow a backbone and I almost put her to the ground.”

“Sounds like she might have needed it.”

“It’s just complicated.”

“That’s what she said.”

He searched her face. Did she think he was a coward too? Maybe he was. He would rather be thrown into a pit of rattle snakes than to come up against that girl. The way she looked at him made his heart want to stop. The way this woman looked at him made it beat faster. “She’s right.”

“Are you just going to let her leave again?”

It surprised him how in your face frank she was. Most people would have and did shy away from the subject. She just got right into it. Though it made sense, she was in it for Kadey. She wanted Kadey healed and safe. Being the wise woman he was coming to know her as, Charlise knew that Kadey needed to give up her bitterness and anger before it consumed her alive. Part of healing Kadey was getting him to work it out with her. Only problem was Kadey would never let him go there until she forgave him and she’d never forgive him tell he had a chance to go there. What did he do with that?

“If your asking whether or not I’m just going to bow out, the answer is no. I have a few things working in my favor, that horse I’m jealous of being one of them. I know she’s not just going to stay forever. When she feels a semblance of safety again she’ll fly out that door. This time I won’t let her fly in peace. I was wrong to let it go that long.”

“You told her that?”

“She pushed me away,” he said pointedly.

“Mmm, a fifteen year old girl pushing away her father…that is an odd thing.”

“Sarcasm does not befit you.”

She smiled at him and patted him on his chest. “You’re right.” She decided that would be enough for the morning. “Let’s go see Kadey. What time did she get up?”

“I think she’s had a total of eight hours of sleep since she’s gotten here. Ms May says she tosses and turns most of the night. I think she just gives up around four-ish and gets on with the day.” He informed her.

Charlise didn’t like that sound of that at all. “I don’t ever want it proved that there really is a four o’clock in the morning.”

He laughed. “Well, ma’am, if you stay long enough you’re bound to find that out. Ranch life is anything but time friendly.”

She sighed wearily. “Fine, but don’t expect me to always look this good every morning.” Again she wished she could take it back. Why oh why didn’t she think before she spoke?!

He couldn’t help himself. She’d just given him an open license to have a look and he took it. She turned a bit red. She looked good in that shade. Against his will he tried picturing her first thing in the morning, sleepy eyed and hair mussed. He had a feeling if he ever did have the chance to see it, she’d steal his heart away. “I don’t imagine you’d ever give a man reason to turn away. I see plenty for a second glance.” Wow, she could go a deeper shade. Best move on.

He reached up for his hat and stopped.

Thank goodness for the distraction, she thought, no matter what it was. He was still for too long now. “What’s the problem?”

“She’s confiscated my hat and it would seem to be for good this time.”

She looked at the hat that hung on the hook. It did look new. “Looks like she replaced it.”

He took it off the hook. Something caught the attention of his nose. He brought the hat up closer. “Oh she’s good.”

“What?” She leaned in and mimicked his movement. “What is that?” she asked noticing the smell.

“My mother.” He could see the question in her eyes. “My mother only ever wore perfume on Sundays. Every other day she smelled like this. She worked with saddles a lot. She actually tooled them. Kadey’s was the last she made before she died. Anyway, this smell came from one of the treatments or something she did with leather.”

“It smells a bit like leather,” she sniffed again, “but there’s something else there.”

“I honestly don’t know what it is. I just know that it’s my mother.”

“So Kadey buys you a new hat and makes sure it reminds you of your mother. Why? What is with this other hat? Or better yet, why are you so reluctant to give it up.”

“I’ve had that hat for almost 23 years.”

“I see. Did you have any help picking it out?”

She was a very insightful woman. “Yes and she’s wanted it ever since.”

“Twenty three years. How have you even kept a hat that long?”

“I take care of my possessions thank you much.”

She sniggered. “I think you just lost that possession, thank you much.”

“It would certainly seam so.”

“Well,” she motioned, “put it on. Let’s see it.”

He’d bought a hat twenty three years ago because when he’d put it on he’d gotten a smile that filled his heart. When he put this new one he received a smile that just bought this hat its own twenty some years. “Well?”

“Looks great. Here let me see it.” She swiped it off his head and tried it on. What was with these women takin his stuff? There was an extreme grin on her face when she turned to him. “Looks better on me, though.”

“That seems to be my lot in life.” He swiped at it. “Now give it back.”

She jumped away and stood just out of his reach. There was a mischievous, playful gleam in her eye. “Tell you what, if you give me my hat, I promise to get you one of your very own.”

She mulled over the deal for a moment. “Okay,” she agreed and reluctantly handed it over. “Did you ever try that with Kadey?”

He put the hat firmly on his head. He opened the door for her to head out first. As she passed he answered, “It never worked with Kadey. She’s not so easily bought off.”

She shot him a look and then laughed. “I’ll be sure to get you for that someday.”

He sure hoped so.

Halfway to the barn he noticed an unfamiliar sound. When he realized what it was he stopped and looked at the woman beside him. “If Kadey is a horse whisperer, you’re a Kadey whisperer.”

“Why?” she asked confused.

“You hear that?”

“Yeah, Kadey’s world usually revolves around music, well at least it did.” She looked to the barn. “You haven’t heard any?”

He shook his head. “She sings to that horse when no one is around and I’m pretty sure she played for him while we were gone, but since we’ve been back not a peep.”

Charlise would like to hear Kadey play again. She did often before she got married, and then it wasn’t that she wasn’t happy, she’d just didn’t have the time. She didn’t make the time and he never encouraged her to. Charlise had never liked Glenn much but had never been able to put her finger on why. He’d been a nice enough guy. He just hadn’t seemed the right fit for Kadey. She had been good for him but what had he brought to her? He seemed content with Kadey losing herself in him. Charlise wanted Kadey to have what she had. She wanted the girl to have a partnership with a man who was as into her as she him. That just wasn’t Glenn.

She looked at the barn. “Well, hopefully things will continue to change.”

When they walked into the barn both received a shock. Kadey wasn’t just listening to the music, she was dancing. The pitch fork she was handling at the time was not just a tool; it was also a dance partner. She twirled with it, darted, and jumped around. On one turn she spotted them. She froze for a few seconds, and then as though deciding it wasn’t that big of deal she continued on. Although, she wasn’t quite as exuberant. She was almost finished up with her stall as the song ended. The next in the mix was a country song. Kadey fell into a line dancing stance. To Dan’s surprise, instead of enjoying the sight with him, Charlise jumped in and joined. The two of them danced in perfect rhythm as though it was a usual happening. He laughed at their antics.

The longer he watched, the more an unusual feeling took hold of him. He’d watched his daughter over these last weeks and had found himself jealous more than once. He was jealous now, but it wasn’t over Kadey. He suddenly found himself, the man who rarely danced, wanting to be the one dancing with Charlise. He took a step back. What are you doing? You can’t feel this way? Why not? He heard himself respond. Yeah, just throw your last chance with your daughter away. That’d be great. Take a shot at the one person she still trusts. You’ll never see the girl again. He sighed sadly. He’d never felt this way before. Maybe it was heart palpitations or arrhythmia. He’d never been in love before, so he didn’t know what it felt like. So he had a little crush. He’d have to push it aside. Kadey was what mattered right now. She comes first.

The song ended and Charlise gave Kadey a playful push. “It’s about time you get back in rhythm.”

“I’m amazed you can still keep up,” Kadey teased.

“Ha. Anytime, my dear.”

Kadey looked at her father and nodded a quiet, unenthusiastic hello. He responded likewise.

“So what’s with the lone goat?” Charlise asked.

All three gazed at the goat standing at the end of the lane. Dan shook his head and huffed.

“Oh, he’s not alone,” Kadey answered. “Where do you think we got the cream for your coffee?”

Charlise wasn’t grossed out but she was surprised. “Really?”

“No,” Kadey laughed.

“You’re a comedian.”

Dan grinned. “That goat exists to be a thorn in my side. Ms May rescued him and brought him home. Now he just does whatever he can to raise my ire. I’ve bout decided that whenever Paul mentions a thorn in his side that God wouldn’t take away, he was really saying he had that goat’s ancestor following him around.”

The girls both laughed, though Kadey pulled out of it quickly.

Charlise directed attention to herself. That girl did not do a good job of hiding her angst. “He said if I was good I’d get a tour of the ranch.”

“Quick tour on foot. This is the barn, you’ve seen the house and the arena. Tour over.”

“I think I get to ride a horse.”

Kadey looked at her father. “If that’s the case, you got any horses like Tor-Nada?”

Dan grinned. “Sure do, perfect fit actually.”

Charlise gave them each a look. “I hope this is a gentle but spirited horse you’re talking about.”

“Of course,” Dan responded. “You wait here,” he told Charlise, “I’ll be back in a moment.”

“Okay,” she watched him walk away then turned to Kadey. “Tornado?”

Kadey laughed. “Nada, as in no tornado. She was a really gentle soul. You’d like her but she was old when I was young. He has someone different, I think.”

“You going to join us?”

Kadey looked at her. “It’d be difficult.”

“You have a horse.”

“That’s only been ridden once. He is such a guy.”

Charlise was thoughtful. She’d heard more than once that Kadey and this horse seamed to be alike. Maybe they reacted similarly. “Maybe you need to confront him directly.”

“Directly?”

“It works with you.”

Kadey laughed with a shake of her head. “Nice. Maybe,” she conceded. 

Dan walked in leading a pretty paint mare. Charlise turned to match Kadey’s gaze. A soft exhale caught in her throat. “Oh my,” she walked up and slowly put her hand on the mare’s nose below her eyes. “She’s beautiful.” She walked beside her and stroked her neck. “What’s her name?”

“Well, it’s Daisy, but if you feel that’s not right, feel free to change it.”

She was thoughtful. “No, I think that’s right.”

“Come on,” Dan pulled the horse around. “I’ll show you how to saddle her.”

Kadey made her way out to the arena. She called out Dixon and saddled him. He pouted and huffed the entire time. She just ignored him. “This is it, buddy. It’s time to make a choice.”

“And what are the choices?” she heard behind her.

She turned her head and saw Travis watching her. “I can’t just wait for him to offer himself to me. I’m not about to get all emotional every time I want a ride. So I’m climbing up.”

“And what are the choices?”

She smiled at him. “I know what I’m in for, but so does he.”

“You two are crazy.”

“He doesn’t want anyone to tell him what to do. He also doesn’t want to hurt me. So he has to make a choice which one matters more.” She led him away from the fence. “Here goes nothing.”

Dan looked up at the arena. “Oh goodness. She’s going to mount him.”

Charlise followed his gaze. “That’s bad?”

“He’ll either submit or put her to the ground. If he’s really mad he’ll put her to the ground and stomp on her. That day we came home he was throwing kicks within inches of her face and she just stood there, almost daring him.”

Charlise lost some color in her face. “Uh oh. Remind me not to give advice when I don’t know what I’m talking about.”

“What’d you say?”

“That maybe she should be more direct with him. It’s what works with her.”

He shrugged. “You’re probably right. He has to decide if being his own master is worth hurting her. I don’t think he’ll throw her.” They stopped short of the fence with their mounts.

Kadey swung over and situated herself. Dixon wasn’t sure what to do. He jerked a few times as though he were about to buck and changed his mind last second. He took a few jagged steps but stopped. These short movements went on for some time. Finally he snorted loudly and swung his head back and forth. Kadey leaned over and whispered something into his ear. She gently pulled the reigns and nudged him forward. He hesitated a moment then obeyed. After a few times around the arena she led him over to the gate. Travis opened it for her.

“Guess he chose you,” he said as she went through.

She laughed with an edge of sarcasm. “What can I say? I can’t keep a man but I can keep a horse.”

Travis considered her for a moment. “Animals are a bit less complicated.”

“A lot smarter.”

He laughed. “That too, I suppose.”

He was much too agreeable to ever get his goat. Kadey wasn’t so sure she’d ever completely trust a man again, but she’d found a friend in Travis that she was glad of. She turned to their audience. “Travis, this is my friend Charlise Taylor.”

Travis looked past her to the new face. “Well hello there,” he said with as much enthusiasm as he had used with Kadey that first day. “It’s certainly nice to meet you.” There was no mistaking his flirtation.

Charlise was floored. She’s never been flirted with by a boy, granted he was around Kadey’s age, but to her he was a boy. “It’s nice to meet you as well,” she said with a flattered laugh.

“Alright,” Dan growled, “that’s enough. Don’t you have work to do?”

“Sure do,” Travis winked at her. “I will surely be seeing you later.”

They took their tour nice and slow. Charlise took to Daisy quickly and the two were fast friends. Kadey kept quiet most of the time and let Dan do the narrating. She put in a few stories when they came up to a spot she had extra info on, but mostly just listened. “Now over there,” she started on one of those times, “I met up with a kid I went to school with Jake. We hung out every now and then and we found some badger holes. So we started jumping up and down by them trying to get them to come out.”

Her father’s eyes went large. “See, now all this time you thought I had more sense than I really did. We figured we could outrun them. Course then Jake thought he was smart and lit a cherry bomb and through it down one. We heard some noise and took off running before we could find out what was making it. Once we were a safe distance away I set that boy on his backside. I was mad.”

“Exactly why?” Charlise asked.

“I told him that he could have hurt them. Now if you have to kill an animal then you do it but you don’t go around wounding animals for fun. I’d have added, ‘you little serial killer’ to it had I known the connection back then.”

“So tormenting okay, killing with reason okay, but no wounding.”

“We weren’t tormenting them. We just wanted a closer look.”

“Teeth and claws cutting through your flesh close,” her father added unimpressed.

“Which is why I never mentioned it before today.”

They headed back on a different route. Everyone was fairly quiet. Charlise caught Kadey with a suspect grin on her face. “What?”

She shook her head.

“What?”

“Just the pond over there.”

“What of it,” Dan asked slowly, not sure he wanted to know.

“Just another day wasted with Jake.”

Charlise could see the apprehension on Dan’s face, but she wanted to know. “And?”

“Well, it was innocent but we went undergarment dipping in that pond regularly,” she recalled.

“Innocent though,” Charlise teased.

“We were too young not to be.”

“How young is young?”

“Oh, we started when we were about nine and did it every once and a while each summer.”

“It’s,” she stopped suddenly. She was about to say it was a good thing Kadey wasn’t here when she was eighteen- not a good thing to say. She cleared her throat. “I don’t know, thirteen, fourteen years old is getting a little close there, Kadey.”

Kadey shrugged. “Not for us. Neither of us was immersed in the day’s sexually charged culture. We were both guarded from it so it never even dawned on us at that age. We were just having fun. Had we gotten much older that may have changed, but we had no idea or care what the whole deal was with sex. We were just having fun.”

“That’s pretty cool, Kadey,” Charlise acknowledged. She could see that the conversation had taken the toll she was afraid it would. Both Kadey and Dan had that haunted look on their faces. Talking over the past was like skipping through a mine field. It was fun until the bombs exploded. “I wasn’t so lucky.”

Kadey snapped out of her reverie. “Yeah, I know.” She pulled the reigns towards the house. “There’s no doubt I had it made here.” She nudged Dixon to go and left without them.

Kadey cleared the table and put the dishes in the sink with soapy water. She’d been quiet all through supper and the dishes gave her a reason to remain so. She stared at the foam bubbles as they grew. A voice snapped her to attention.

“Just let those soak awhile, Kadey. Lets go out on the porch and catch the last of the dusk night air,” Ms May commanded.

So much for that idea. “Yes, ma’am.”

They all made their way out onto the back porch. It was a beautiful night. Kadey sat off a ways and leaned against the railing. A soft breeze blew through and slowly cooled the warm summer day. As the sun set behind the mountains, the gold hues began to disappear. Had Kadey been alone at that moment she probably would have silently cried at the sight. She wouldn’t allow herself to show emotion. She didn’t even want to feel it, let alone let people see it. Glenn was popping into her mind. She closed her eyes and willed him away.

When she’d opened them, Charlise was looking at her. She’d gotten caught, but luckily the older woman didn’t bring it up. She just gave her a sympathetic glance and turned away to get one last glimpse at the sun. “You know what I would love right now,” she said without turning from the view.

Everyone seamed to know who she was talking to. “What?” Kadey asked.

She turned. “That pretty new car out front…”

“Yeah,” Kadey prompted.

“There’s a nice new keyboard in the back seat.”

Kadey was frozen. She hadn’t expected that. “Yeah.”

“I’d love to hear you play.”

Deer in the headlights. Snap out of it. “It’s all the way out in the car.”

“You’ve got legs, darlin.”

Kadey locked eyes with her. She didn’t want to do this. Charlise didn’t back down. “Fine,” she stood up and went into the house.

Charlise was pressing her luck and she knew it. She hoped she didn’t go too far but she couldn’t sit by and let the girl float into oblivion. She needed time to heal, yes, but she needed to start taking steps in the right direction; To Charlise that meant getting the true Kadey back. The door began to open again, without having allowed enough time for Kadey to have gotten her keyboard. To their surprise she came back out with a guitar and her lap top.

“You play the guitar?” her father asked surprised.

The mood she was in, had Charlise not been there, she would have shot him a smart-aleck answer. She managed to hold her tongue and just nod. She set up the computer and put it on the chair. She sat down on the step and tested out the chords. It felt good to have her granddad’s guitar in her hands. Once satisfied she looked up. “What am I playing,” she asked slightly cynical.

“Whatever.”

“Really?” she drew out mischievously. She played a few notes.

“Okay,” Charlise wasn’t sure what it was but she’d better not take the chance judging by the look in Kadey’s eyes. “I do have a request.” She paused, not sure whether to continue or not. “You know my favorite song. I’m sure you can play it.” Deer in the headlights. Charlise held her ground, even though the look on Kadey’s face had her worried. She was getting back the ability to go numb. Charlise wanted her to have full life and all she saw was numb. “Come on, darlin. Aaron Shust, you introduced me to his songs.”

Kadey leaned over and messed with her computer. Once satisfied she waited for her cue. Since hers was the first part the computer gave a soft chime. She began to play and as the music filled the air everyone, including Kadey got caught up in it. When she began to sing along Dan and Ms May looked at one another in surprise.

“I am not skilled to understand,

what God has willed, what God has planned.

I only know at his right hand

Stands one who is my Savior.

I take Him at his word and then

Christ died to save me this I read

And in my heart I find the need

For Him to be my savior.

That He would leave his place on high

And come for sinful men to die…”

By the time the song hit the chorus and pumped up, Kadey was lost in it. She stopped trying to hide from everyone. She just got lost in the sound and the words and everything and everyone melted away. It was just her and the music.

“My Savior loves, my Savior lives

my Saviors always there for me.

My God He was, My God He is

My God He’s always gonna be…”*

What they would have given to know that those words were true. Anyone listening would never have suspected Kadey of rebellion. She was so into the music that it looked like a love song between her and her God. Only all three members of the audience knew that wasn’t the case. It gave Charlise some hope. Maybe she wasn’t lost, just off track. There was no way to know for sure. That was between Kadey and the Lord. Still, she hoped and prayed with all that she had.

When the song ended Kadey reached over and hit the stop key on the computer so it wouldn’t go to the next song. She didn’t say anything.

“That was amazing, Kadey,” Charlise said softly. “Thank you.”

Kadey nodded but didn’t look at her. She stood and closed the lap top. She seamed to be ready to say something but decided against it. Instead she just took her things into the house without a word.

Charlise waited a moment to see if she’d come back but she didn’t. “Well, that went okay-ish.”

“You’ve got backbone. I’ll give that to you,” Dan acknowledged.

“I’m just hoping I don’t snap my spine. Am I pushing to hard? I just want her back.”

Ms May stood. “I think you know how far you can push better than we would.” She patted Charlise on the shoulder. “Just keep lovin her, she’ll be okay as long as she knows it.” She relayed her goodnights and went into the house.

Dan waited until they were alone. “How did you know she could play that song?” he asked curiously.

“It was mostly a guess. We went on a road trip a while back and one of my conditions was no inappropriate music at all and most of them Christian. Well when we started she put the music on. It was a statement. It was Christian music but of the hard rock variety. I couldn’t say anything and lucky for me it was mostly a set up. She was trying to get a reaction out of me. The rest was a mixture of rock and the softer. It was a definite generation gap at first but now I actually listen to most of it. She’s got good taste and every song she picked had sound words in them. That happened to be my favorite song and I mentioned I’d like her to play it sometime. It never came up again but I had asked and I don’t know that she’s ever failed to do anything I’ve asked of her, so it was a guess.” She explained.

“The way she sings…”

“I know. It’s confusing.”

Kadey was in her room with the door closed when Charlise went to bed, so she was eager to see the girl when she got up. She wanted to run out and find her right away, but she made herself stick to her routine and do her devotions before starting the day. She would probably need the firm foundation more than ever. When she had finished she looked up to find Dan at the glass sliding door staring out. A slight grin crossed her face as she studied him.

She’d always wondered what he was like. Despite Kadey’s anger, the times she had talked about him, she had painted him as a strong, respected man whom most people trusted and liked. She wasn’t wrong. He made her feel safe. She hadn’t felt that from a man in a very long time. Philip had always been a bit of a bean pole. He’d spent a bit of time at the gym to fill out, but it was never the physical that had sheltered her. It was the way he had kept an eye out. He was constantly watching, making sure to protect her from anything that could harm her, whether it be a tv show that was inappropriate to shielding her from ogling eyes. She missed that. The women’s movement would have a fit but she missed being taken care of. She could take care of herself, she’s proven that but she knew what it was like to be cared for and she preferred it. She liked having a man to follow. The trick was finding a man worth following. She’d had hers and it had been wonderful. It was over now. That time in her life was gone. No good would come in yearning.

She stepped up next to him and looked out the window. “I will never get over how beautiful it is here.” She had expected him to smile and agree with her but he held a grim look on his face. “What’s wrong?” She didn’t give him time to answer. “Where is Kadey?”

“She’s gone,” he answered. “She left before any of us woke up.”

Charlise stopped breathing. It wasn’t until her lungs began burning that she realized she needed to suck in air. What would she do? She had no idea where Kadey would go from here. Lord, don’t let her do this, please.

“She had to be up at three to get all her chores done. Then she saddled up and who knows where she’s gone.”

Hope. “Wait, she left on Dixon?”

He nodded. “Yes.”

She punched him hard in the arm. “Ouch!”

“Oh you’ll think ouch. You’ve done this to me twice. You do not give scary news and just stop without adding the oh not so scary news.”

He rubbed his wound. “You’re mean.”

“I thought she skipped out on us!”

He glanced out the window. “Don’t be so sure she didn’t.”

“She’s not going to skip out on us on a horse.” She thought about it. “I guess she could figure she’d trade her car for him.”

“Doesn’t need to. She owns him.”

“Does she know that?”

He shrugged. “I don’t know. Truth is she owns a good percentage of most of the horses on this ranch. She owns a good percentage of this ranch. My father gave her a percentage when she was born and each birthday. We’ve had professionals investing and watching out for her money. She’s a very wealthy woman.”

Charlise’s mouth hung open. “Does she know this?”

“I don’t know. She was told as a child. I don’t think she took much interest in it then and it’s hard to say if she remembers. She may assume she forfeited it when she never came back. I don’t know.” He pulled away from the door and walked up to the counter.

As she watched him make a cup of coffee, she noted that he used a tablespoon of sugar and no cream. She had been right, she used much more cream and sugar than he did. A thought occurred to her. “What about her divorce? This won’t get her in trouble will it?”

He smiled. Her concern was always for Kadey. “Well, if she doesn’t know, I’m sure he doesn’t.”

“But her lawyer does…”

He could see that she was getting worked up. “Cleve knows what he’s doing.”

“What kind of man is he?”

Dan laughed. “Don’t worry. He’s not shifty. He’s one of my oldest friends and a very good man. You’ll like him when you meet him. He called me and got some numbers but in all truth, I don’t think it even comes into play. It hasn’t been turned over to her yet.”

“What do you mean?”

“Well, it was all in trust for her. She was able to claim it all on her 21^st birthday but she never did.”

“But it was hers.”

“Yes but it also required my signature, unless I’m deceased and then Ms May. If we’re both gone then she can claim it. So all she has to do is knock us off and it’s all hers.”

“I see.” She relaxed a little. If Dan trusted this man then she wouldn’t worry about it. She wondered though whether Kadey knew or not. She might. She could have simply rejected the money as she had her father. It was hard to say.

The day went by without any sight of Kadey. Charlise tried not to allow herself to worry. It wouldn’t do any good. She had to trust. She leaned against the fence and stared out across the pastures hoping she would catch sight of the girl returning. She was out of luck.

“You just going to stand there all day?” Dan asked joining her.

“Maybe I shouldn’t have pushed her.”

Dan shook his head. “Kadey didn’t leave because of you. She just needed some time alone. Her life just ended and she refused to acknowledge it. She hasn’t let herself mourn it. She hasn’t even thought it through. The only way it’s been able to work itself is in her dreams.” He sighed sadly. “Hopefully she’s thinking things over.”

She supposed so. It would certainly do the girl good. Somehow she doubted that was exactly what was going on but here’s hoping. “I…” she didn’t know what to say. She just shrugged.

“Look, you’ll drive yourself crazy just waiting. Come with me. I have something to show you.” He turned and walked off without waiting for an answer.

She followed with one last glance across the way. “Don’t be to long, Kadey,” she whispered.

As they approached the barn, Dan turned to her. “You’re not squeamish are you?”

Oh that wasn’t a worrisome question at all. “Not especially, no.”

He stepped to the side and ushered her forward into the barn. He ushered her to a stall. As she stepped up her eyes grew wide in amazement. He’d brought her in to witness a foal being born. A man glanced up from the stall. This must be the famous Koh she had heard so much about. He locked eyes with her and seamed to be studying her. She smiled at him, surprisingly not intimidated at all. She probably would have been had Kadey not relayed a strong sense of security in the man. He nodded at her and turned his attention back to the mare. “She is close,” he told them. He began to speak to the mare in soft tones though Charlise could not understand what he was saying.

She listened to his voice.

“What’s that look for?” Dan asked.

“Oh, I was just remembering the first time I found out Kadey understood Tanoan. We were watching a program and she wasn’t paying much attention. Then suddenly she sat up as though someone had just called her name, only they hadn’t. She watched the tv attentively and then laid back obviously disgusted. She said that whoever wrote those lines obviously didn’t know the language, that they barely made sense. I was pretty impressed she knew it but she refused to speak it.”

Koh made a huffing noise and Dan smiled sadly. “It’s probably best. She can’t speak it worth a darn.”

“Really,” Charlise was amazed. “She understands it but can’t speak it?”

“Koh started to teach her but it was quickly put to an end. Her mother was chiding her for something and Kadey responded in Tanoan. That was that as they say. Koh here did as he was told and didn’t teach her to speak it but he refused to not speak it himself. So Kadey caught on pretty fast as she grew up.”

Charlise stepped up on the bottom fence pole to get a better look. “That’s very sad. Maybe that can be rectified.” She shifted to the side.

Dan opened the stall gate. “Come on in.” He ushered her around the horse and they both squatted down to her level.

As little hooves and then the head began to show, Charlise’s eyes grew wider. What an amazing thing. She’d seen this on television but never in such amazing definition. What a wonder life was. This moment made her feel closer to her God than she’d felt in a long time. She’d been walking steady with Him for a good stretch, but there were always those moments of such closeness and companionship that it warmed her heart and made her long for home even more.

The mare whinnied and flung her head back and forth. Charlise felt empathy for the horse. “Love those epidurals,” she whispered softly. Dan heard and chuckled.

Koh grabbed the foal and gently pulled helping the mare along. She thought for a moment that she might have been transported to the movie Black Beauty for a moment. The foals front legs and head looked black as night, even through the slick mucus sack that encompassed it. Then the foal pulled his head up revealing a white patch the shape of a crescent moon. She grabbed Dan’s arm, excited and needing contact. As Koh pulled him out more white patches were revealed, these larger than the first. It was a beautiful black and white paint. Soon it was over and the foal flung about trying to right himself. His mother, bless her mamma instincts, thought Charlise, rose to the ground and came around to tend to him. She began to lick him. As his coat became clean he worked on keeping his head up right. Amazingly soon he began to try and stand.

It was amazing to watch this newly born foal take on such a feat. It seemed so ambitious but Charlise knew it was typical. After a long while he was up on two legs, then four, then back to two. He fell down once and just started up again. His mother was patient; she gave him some helpful nudges and a few not quite productive nudges. Charlise felt a common bond watching this shaky legged creature. She often felt that way on her own legs, though more of her spiritual legs than her physical ones. Was this a bit what it was like? God watching His shaky legged creatures trying so hard to stay up and giving them supportive nudges when they fall. It took the colt less time to get to his feet than it had her when she’d been knocked down. Yet God had been patient, He had waited and sent her just the nudge she had needed. Funny how a nudge that sent her sprawling to the ground gave her the nudge that got her up on her feet again.

The colt took a few unsteady steps. Koh spoke encouraging words to him in Tanoan and directed him to his mother’s milk. The colt latched on quickly and began to suckle. “It is done,” Koh said satisfied. “I have more work to do.” He gave them a nod and was gone. Kadey hadn’t been joking when she’d described him as a man who pops in and out.

“So,” Dan prompted, “what do you think?”

“Amazing. Thank you for sharing it with me. He’s beautiful.”

Dan nodded in agreement. “You fancy a name for him?”

“You’re going to let me name him?” she asked surprised.

“Well, yeah. Why not?”

She studied the colt. Her eyes kept drawing to the crescent white patch up and behind his eye. Then the way his front legs were black but his back legs were white also gave the same feel. “Crescent. He’s got that moon shape patch and his white and black dispersing kind of back that up.”

Dan nodded. “Good name. He turned out to be a blue roan.”

“Is that different than a Paint?”

“No, he’s a paint, that’s just his coloring. Most blue roans remind me of night skies filled with lightning. I think you’re right about him, he’s not lightning, he’s reflecting the moon.”

Chapter 8

Kadey pulled Dixon to a halt and jumped off. “We’re not going to the arena, bud. That’s not for you anymore.” She undid his saddle and pulled it off, sticking it on the fence for a moment while she introduced him to his new quarters. She opened the gate and led him into the pasture. Five other horses stood off watching their motions. She took the bridle off and patted his muzzle. “You belong out here where you can run in the grass. Just be nice to the others.” She gave him a kiss then stepped aside and smacked his hind quarter. “Go on,” she instructed. She walked out and closed the gate behind her. She was in no hurry so she watched to make sure he played nice with the other kids.

There was an introduction period where they nosed each other and nipped. One of the horses threw up a small kick. It didn’t take long for Dixon to establish himself. In no time at all he was off and all five horses followed him as though they had been his pack all along. “You big stud you,” she joked.

“He graduates to the field huh?”

Kadey jumped and turned to the voice. Her heart slowed down after its initial scare. “Yeah.” She leaned against the fence and continued to watch the horses.

Charlise leaned in next to her and did the same. They were quiet for a long moment. Charlise held off as long as she could but finally had to turn to the girl. “You have a nice outing?”

Kadey shrugged indifferently. “It was a beautiful day.”

“You take food?”

The question surprised her. “Yeah.”

“Good. Because Ms May couldn’t find anything missing and was going to tan your hide if you were out there starving yourself. It might be good if you have some type of proof, wrappers, details, anything.”

Kadey smiled slightly and nodded. “Thanks for the warning.”

Charlise studied her. She wouldn’t look over and that worried her. “You okay?”

Silence. Finally she turned to her and Charlise didn’t like what she saw. “You wanted me to let it all go,” she looked back at the horses. “I can’t. I can’t forgive him, but,” a long pause, “I give up.”

“What exactly does that mean?”

“All I had was my anger. That’s all there was left and now that doesn’t seem to work so I have nothing.”

“Kadey…”

“It’s okay. It is what it is and it’s okay. I don’t forgive him but I won’t live angry if that’s what you want.”

Charlise didn’t know what to say. She wasn’t quite sure what that even meant. She could see the defeat though. It was in the girl’s stance, in her face, and in her eyes. She was utterly defeated. She reached out and tipped Kadey’s chin in her direction. “What I want is for you to be healed and happy. This,” she indicated Kadey’s attitude and posture, “isn’t what I want for you. I want to hear you laugh and see you smile. I don’t want you to hide anymore.” Kadey just looked at her. She wasn’t studying her or thinking of what to say, she was just looking. It sent chills down Charlise’s back. She stepped up and pulled the girl closer. “I’m sorry, Kadey.”

Kadey leaned on her but didn’t say anything. There was nothing to say. She loved this woman as she would have liked to love her own mother. She just couldn’t give her what she wanted. She was tired, and not just physically. She was emotionally and perhaps even spiritually worn out. She didn’t want to play anymore.

She pulled away. “I’d best tend to my saddle and hit the sack.”

Charlise nodded her okay and watched the girl walk away in silence. I don’t know what to do! Please, there has to be something I can say or do to help. I feel so helpless. Please, Jesus, help that girl. Don’t let her stay lost. I beg of you, Lord. Save her. Hold her fast. Please, Jesus, please.

The next few weeks were agonizing. Kadey was gone. It wasn’t that she was pouty or indignant. She was just gone. She spoke when she was spoken too. She did her chores and more. She didn’t try and ruin or bring down anyone’s day. She was just a shadow, a flat reflection of her former self.

Not even Travis could get her riled. He never gave up though. He actually spent more time with her than before. When she was done with one task he would recruit her on another. He’d decided that it would be bad for her to be on her own and it was bad for her to be idle for too long. Since no one else had any suggestions he would do what he could. She took quick to training horses and she made the best partner he’d ever had. She didn’t need told twice what to do and she didn’t need to be prompted to do it.

“Perfect!” he cried pleased with the horse’s performance. “Well?”

Kadey nodded. “You two were awesome. You weaved in and out of there quicker than two humming birds fighting over nectar.”

Travis pulled the horse up next to her. “Okay, that brings up a question I’ve had for some time now.”

“What?” she asked cautiously.

“I’ve noticed since I’ve worked here that y’all use weird metaphors. Since you came back it’s even gotten worse. What is with the odd ball remarks?”

She smiled at him. It was her new typical smile. She was amused but it never seemed to go further than the surface. “Well it started when I was little. My dad used the phrase ‘meaner than a two headed rattle snake’. Well that raised questions with me and I asked him if he’d ever seen a two headed rattle snake. He said no so I asked how he knew they were mean. He explained it was just a saying but prompted me to come up with a better one.”

“What’d you come up with?”

“I don’t even remember, but that’s how it all started.”

“Meaner than Ms May after someone thrashed through her flower bed,” Dan relayed as he threw the saddle up on the fence pole. “That’s what you said.”

Travis nodded solemnly. “Yes, that is a good one.”

Katey almost chuckled. “I’d rather tangle with the snake.”

“Me too,” the men both said in unison.

“Your buyers are coming down the road,” Dan informed them.

Travis glanced up the road. “We’re ready.”

The next hours consisted of a thorough showing of the Ranger Horse that Travis jokingly referred to as Trigger, though he never said why. Trigger and Travis worked as a perfect pair. They performed perfectly through the course that Travis used to show and train. Kadey let loose a drove of calves and the two rounded them up with ease. It was clear to see that the buyers were impressed as they should be. Travis was an excellent trainer.

Charlise turned at a commotion. “What’s with him?”

Kadey looked over as well. “He’s been throwing a fit all week. I think he’s jealous.”

Dixon whinnied and neighed as he jerked his head around and stomped. “Maybe he just wants his chance to shine. Have you started training him?”

Kadey looked at her then the horse. “I hadn’t even thought much about it. I was just happy to ride him.”

“Well, I stick by the comparison between you two. You’re both stubborn but once you get past it, you’re ready to shine. Give him his chance. Why don’t you just try him out?” It was an obvious and desperate try at getting Kadey interested in anything.

Kadey looked over. The buyers had moved away and were settling up. She wouldn’t be in their way. “Why not?” She grabbed the saddle and started suiting him up. He could barely hold still as she did. She mounted him and he pulled toward the training station. “Hey,” she jerked back. “If we’re going to do this it will be as a team.” He seemed to understand and waited for her instruction. She guided him over and Charlise let them in.

Kadey was a bit nervous and she wasn’t sure if it was for the horse’s performance or her own. She was a good rider or was it she had been a good rider. She hadn’t tried this type of thing for a long time. She leaned over. “Okay, bud. It’s just you and me. Let’s do this right.” She signaled Charlise and she dropped the flag. “Yah!” Kadey yelled and they shot forward.

As soon as that flag dropped Kadey stopped worrying about performance. She stopped worrying about life. She just rode. She and Dixon were a team. They were so in tune with one another that he seamed to anticipate her indicators before she had a chance to give them. They came to the end of the course with a shout and neigh of victory. Kadey pulled around and for the moment Charlise saw the light that she wanted to see.

There was a whoop from off to the side. “That was fantastic!” The youngest of the buyers said from the fence. “How long you two been a team?”

Kadey reached down and patted Dixon on the neck. “Almost two months now,” she answered.

“But this is his first time through the course,” Travis added. “Kadey there is a natural with horses, this one in particular.”

“Is he for sale?” the man asked.

Travis laughed. “Ha. You wouldn’t want him if he were. That there is a one woman horse. He’ll have no other.”

The man flashed a smile at Kadey. “Smart horse.”

She wasn’t daunted by his flirtation. “What can we say, we raise the best.”

He looked around. “That I believe.” He turned to Travis. “I couldn’t be more pleased. You can bet we’ll be doing business again. I’ve already got a few people in mind to send your way.”

Travis took the man’s outstretched hand. “We’re glad to have you.”

Dan shook hands next and the group walked off toward the trailer.

“Well, you sure got high praise.”

Kadey just turned Dixon and they walked aimlessly about. Charlise watched her in frustration. Little moments, small tastes just weren’t enough. If the Lord was trying to teach her patients she was flunking the course. She buried her head in her hands. Not much later she felt a strong hand fall lightly on her back and rub gently.

“Give her time.”

“I hate this,” she declared. “I’m not used to this. That is not my Kadey and I want her back!”

Dan’s eyes were filled with compassion.

“Oh I’m the sensitive one. You’ve wished for that for eight years. I can’t even handle a few weeks, please don’t let it go on for months. I’ll lose my mind.”

Dan put his arm over her shoulders and gave her an encouraging squeeze. He liked it there. It felt good to have his arm around her. He slowly and reluctantly stepped aside. “I can relate. This is a step back for you and still manages to be a step forward for me.”

“Well I guess I’m showing one of my fatal flaws.”

“What’s that?” he asked confused.

“Self-centeredness.”

“Ha. You’ll have to try a lot harder if you want me to believe that. I must say it’s a relief to see you at wits end though.”

She gave him a look clearly relaying that he was a crazy person. “Why?”

“I was beginning to think you were perfect.”

She gave him a very doubtful look. “You must have low standards.”

He locked eyes with her and held her gaze. “It’s a relative term, but you sure make it look good.”

Her cheeks flared. She exhaled shakily. “Thanks.” She cleared her throat. “But for the grace of God.”

He grinned. “But for grace,” he agreed.

Charlise knocked lightly on the door and pushed it open. She wouldn’t wait for a come in. She probably wouldn’t get one. She looked around at Kadey’s room. It was the same as Kadey had left it eight years ago. She had been horse crazy and this was a surprise. “Backstreet Boys?” She hadn’t noticed that before.

“Yeah well, we all had our moments.”

Charlise looked the girl over. She was lying on her bed propped up slightly on her pillows. Charlise sat down on the bed next to her and leaned on her, putting her hand on the other side for support. “Kadey.”

“Charlie.”

“I haven’t asked you this yet, well, for a lot of reasons, but I’m going to now.”

“No.”

“You don’t even…”

“Yes, I do. I can’t go to church with you tomorrow.”

Okay, she did know. “Why not? You used to go with me back home occasionally.”

“Yes, but not with a group of people that I grew up with. I cannot handle those people and their questions. I’ve hardly seen any of them since I’ve been back and I certainly don’t want to do it all at once.” She explained.

“You’ve got to see them someday.”

“How do you figure that?”

Okay. Now what? “Please do not tell me that you are going to follow in my shoes.”

Kadey thought about it. “I can’t exactly detach from humanity when you’re all right here with me.”

“That is exactly what you are doing.”

“You can’t have this both ways!” she exclaimed. “You don’t like it when I’m angry. You don’t like it when I’m calm.”

“You are not calm. You’re impassive. Instead of hiding alone in your apartment, you’re hiding inside yourself.” She was losing her. “I just miss you, Kadey.”

Kadey cringed at the sadness she saw in Charlise’s eyes. She hated being the cause of it. Maybe she was detaching herself from them. She wanted to say that she had the right to, but on her bed sat a woman who had lost more than Kadey could imagine. She rubbed her hands up and down her face, then slid them down her jaw line and rested them over her mouth. “Okay. Okay. I will try harder. I have been distant. I will try harder but I cannot go with you. Not yet. I’m sorry.”

Charlise took the weight off her arm and lay down on top of Kadey. “Thank you.” It was a start.

Kadey slept in for the first time since she’d come home. It had been the little noises around the house that had awoken her. She hadn’t been in bed yet while the rest of the house was stirring and getting ready for the day. She didn’t want to talk with anyone so she contemplated what to do. She could stay in bed till they left but that might alarm Charlise and send her in to check on her. If she were really stealthy, she might be able to get out without running into anyone. She just had to time it right. Her father still had to get some things done before getting ready. Ms May wasn’t a problem. She tish toshed about things but rarely confronted unless it was an emergency. Kadey might even get some bacon on her way out if she played her cards right. She quietly got dressed all the while keeping an ear out. She heard the shower turn on and knew it was Charlise. She gave her adequate time to get in so there would be no surprise attack.

Just in case she slipped out of her room as quietly as she could. Ms May was in the kitchen cooking as planned. Kadey eyed the bacon as she poured herself a cup of orange juice.

“Go ahead,” Ms May said without looking at her.

Kadey glanced around the stove area.

“What you looking for?” the woman asked giving her an odd look.

“Just trying to figure out if you’ve got mirrors up or if you really do have eyes in the back of your head.” She snatched two pieces of bacon.

“It’s the eyes,” Ms May assured her.

Kadey laughed. “I always figured it was.”

Ms May turned and looked at her. “You seem a bit better today.”

Kadey shrugged. “I didn’t mean to be a pain.”

“That’s the problem, Kadey. You weren’t being a pain. We knew it was serious at that point.”

“Ha ha. I promised Charlie that I’d try to be better and I will. So if you want me to be a pain, I’ll just have to oblige.” She was being studied again. “What?”

“Why do you yield so much to her?”

“Aaa... what do you mean?” That was an odd question.

“Just want to know a bit more about your relationship. She’s told me how you met and I get the friendship, but even you can’t deny that you treat her more with the respect of a mother than that of a friend.”

Kadey had to think about her answer.

“Or maybe the best way to explain it is you treat her like your mother who has become your good friend,” she clarified.

“I’d accept that explanation.” She leaned against the counter and chewed on her bacon. “I don’t know. We just fell into that routine. She’s a mother without a daughter and I’m, well you know. I just couldn’t help it. She’ll look at me with those deep copper eyes and I fold.”

Ms May contemplated her for a moment then nodded. “It’s a good thing,” she paused, “for both of you,” she finished. “She’s a good woman. You’re lucky to have her in your life.”

Kadey already knew that statement to be true. It was strange to have Ms May telling her this. Then it occurred to her why. Charlise had managed to wrap Kadey’s family around her little finger in just a month’s time, probably less. “I agree.”

“Alright then.” She went back to her cooking.

Kadey finished up her juice and put the cup in the sink. “I’ll see you later tonight, Ms May.” The woman nodded to her. Kadey walked over and gave her a kiss on the cheek. “I’m lucky to have you in my life too.”

The woman smiled then quickly put it away.

Kadey laughed and headed out, grabbing her hat on her way. She decided to skip the stalls for now. She’d either do them later once everyone was gone or double shift tomorrow. Instead she saddled up Dixon and decided to check fences. It was a good excuse to go for a ride and still do a little work as she went. She was up on a hill peak when her family drove off for Sunday morning service. It was an odd feeling. She didn’t want to go but at the same time felt a bit left out. She shook herself to snap out of it. “You can’t have things both ways,” she told herself. She rode the fence until she had left their part of the ranch and came to the cattle ranch. She so rarely rode it that she decided it would be a good time.

The calving season had run late spring and the calves were up and about. This was their cute period. Kadey liked this time of year. She was more of a horse rancher but she enjoyed watching the rambunctious calves as they played in the fields. They tended to run more on the angus side of the fence but there were a few baldys in the bunch. To her surprise there was a spotted calf that looked more like a big dog. He was the first she’d ever seen on the ranch. He was also the cutest. She was much too soft for the beef industry. She refused to eat veil when she found out how it was raised. She wouldn’t be a complete hypocrite, she liked beef but cows deserved the chance to run and frolic in the fields before they grew up and headed off to the chopping block. She was very thankful that she didn’t live in a culture that felt the same way about horses.

She headed off away from the main group into the hill area. Dixon’s ears flipped forward in alert and Kadey strained her ears to hear what he heard. It was a bawling calf. She nudged him on and he picked up speed toward the sound. A part of the fence had come apart and a calf had become tangled in the wire. Kadey stepped off Dixon and reached into her saddlebag for her wire cutters. This would be tricky. She had to get the wire off him without getting kicked, tangled up herself, or cut on the barbs. She looked around for the calf’s mother but she was no where in sight. She also had to be careful of a mother who might miss-assume that she was hurting its baby. 

She talked gently to the calf as she approached. Not sure it was working she tried a different approach and began to sing to the calf. It didn’t stop squirming but it seemed to calm slightly. She shifted her weight onto the calf to force him to stay down and struggle less. “I’m going to call you Max while we’re together this morning.” She continued to speak in dulcet tones, singing in between. She snapped one wire then had to shift around to get to the next. “How on earth did you get so tangled up, Max? This took some work. I bet you couldn’t do it again if you tried.” She snapped the second wire. His body was free now but he had two of his legs tangled pretty efficiently. The trick was not letting him jump up. In hind sight it might have been smart to do the legs first, but then she would have contended with flying hooves. It was a lose-lose situation.

She snapped the last wires and except for her body holding him down, he was free. She shifted around for the best angle to jump back off of him. Once satisfied she took a few moments to try and calm him a bit more before she let him up. She’d have to let Koh know about him. He had a few cuts that would need some tending. “Okay, Max, you ready for this.” She didn’t wait for an answer. She pushed off and jumped back. To her surprise he didn’t react right away. He seemed stunned to be free. Finally he jumped up. He took a look at her and then around. Then he shot off in the opposite direction. To her dismay he ran right into the broken fence and temporarily got caught dragging it behind him a ways.

When the line went taunt the calf jerked. The wire came up and knocked loose a board which flipped towards Kadey. She hadn’t completely up righted herself so she jerked sideways to miss it. She felt something run across her forearm. Luckily the calf jerked free and headed off toward the main herd. Kadey looked down at what had run across her arm. She stared in shock. Blood was bubbling from her arm. What had only felt like a light scamper across her arms surface had actually been a deep slice. She’d never seen that much blood come out of a wound before. She was so stunned that she couldn’t react right away. Hurry! A voice in her head shouted. Hurry where? For what? She snapped to. She ran to Dixon and pulled out a large bandana from her bag. Quickly she tied it around her arm. Her brain wasn’t functioning right and she knew she was going into shock. She fought it as she mounted Dixon.

What should she do? No one would be home. She could go to any of the surrounding houses but no one would be home. She couldn’t drive herself to the hospital. She would pass out before she ever made it. Travis. That’s right. He was going to drive up into Ridge Creek today. He should be on his way down. Could she catch him in time? She had to try. She turned Dixon the right way and yelled, “Yah.” Dixon once again was on the same page. He knew that something was wrong and he took off in the direction she told him. Kadey was growing weak and she pulled him to a stop. “Which way?” She thought hard. “Okay, okay, I know where I am.” She leaned her body against the horse. “I need your help, Dixon. Please, find Travis.” She started off in the right direction and as if the horse could sense the life draining out of her, he gave it everything he had.

Travis pulled the gate shut behind him and flipped the wire over the post to hold it tight. He jumped in his truck and was off. He might go to the main ranch and see what Kadey was up to. He doubted she had gone to church with the rest of them. Since pretty much everyone in the community was there, saved and sinner, town was always pretty dead on a Sunday. He and Kadey could be rebels together. A movement caught his eye and he slowed down to get a better look. “Dixon?” He turned the truck off the trail and drove to meet the horse. He could see that Kadey was bent over simply holding on for dear life. He jumped out of the truck and ran toward them. Dixon almost plowed into him.

Travis saw the blood dripping down the horse and wasn’t sure whose it was. “Kadey?” She didn’t respond. “Kadey!” He pushed her back to get a look at her and saw the bandaged arm. “Oh no. No.” There was so much blood. He began to pull her off and Dixon sidestepped. He looked the horse in the eye. “You have to let me help her, bud. Please. You have to trust me.”

The horse stood fast this time and Travis pulled her off and carried her to the truck. He set her in the passenger side and then made a dash for the drivers seat. As he took off he noticed that Dixon was running after them. He yelled out the window, “Go home!” The horse followed until Travis had lost him. No horse could keep up with Travis today. He drove as if the devil were nipping at his heals.

Dan waited patiently at the back of the church. He’d had a feeling that Charlise was the type that lingered and he’d been right. Add that to the fact that she had been identified made it that much worse. The women hadn’t gone nuts that their favorite author was in their midst, but they had taken time to get to know her. He noticed that she shied away from the famed author side of things but when it came to getting to know people and having a nice chat she was full in. She enjoyed people. She didn’t have to work at conversation or force herself to shake hands with a stranger. She got right in there and brought out the smile in people. He was amazed and warmed by her. They’d made it through two church services before someone had put two and two together and matched their new friend with the author. He was glad they had gotten to know her as Charlie before they had realized she was Charlise Taylor.

She glanced his way and tossed him a sweet smile that warmed him. Finally she politely dismissed herself and headed his way. “Sorry.”

“Don’t be.” He put his hand on her back and ushered her out of the church. He was about to say something when he noticed Travis jumping out of his truck and coming around to their side. The younger man stopped short and just stood there looking at him. Dan’s heart skipped a beat. Something was wrong. Was it Kadey? Travis hadn’t been at the ranch today, he shouldn’t even have seen her. What could it be? “Something’s up,” he said.

Charlise looked up at his worried face then followed his gaze toward Travis. He was right. By the look on the boy’s face something was definitely up. They made there way over and stopped just short of him.

“What’s going on?” Dan asked, jumping to the point.

Travis hesitated a moment. The way his eyes jumped to then off Charlise indicated that it was about Kadey. Dan braced himself. “First off, everything is going to be okay.” Charlise tensed up as well. “She’s seen the doctor and she’s going to be okay.”

“Kadey,” Charlise whispered.

“What happened?”

“I don’t know for sure,” Travis answered. “I was coming out of the canyon and I saw Dixon in a dead run toward me. Kadey was passed out.”

“Oh dear, Lord,” she moaned.

Dan put his arm around her and pulled her to him. “How was she hurt?”

 “She has a deep gouge across her arm. She’d tied a bandana around it and came hauling a…um she came to find me but she was out before they got there. I took her straight to the hospital and they’re taking care of her.”

“Take me to her,” Charlise ordered and stepped forward.

Suddenly Travis jerked over in front of her. “I can’t,” he said shrilly.

She could tell he was trying to hide something from her. She pointedly sidestepped him and looked into his truck. Her knees gave out and she went down. Dan had her before she hit the ground and pulled her up against him. The color had drained from her face. He looked into the truck as he held her tight. It took all he had not to react to his daughter’s blood all over the seat and dash.

Travis noted that Dan’s face turned green but he held it together. He always did when he had someone he had to be strong for. “You can drive us over in my truck.” Dan didn’t like the way Charlise was reacting. She sat in stunned silence all the way to the hospital. He was as worried for her as he was for his daughter. He could only imagine the thoughts and feelings flowing through her at that moment and there was nothing he could say that would help. Kadey just had to be alright. That was the only solution right now.

They were about to ask for Kadey’s whereabouts when Dan spotted Jeff Kiney. The man’s eyes suggested to Dan that he knew exactly what was going on. When he’d spotted them he turned and headed in their direction. He didn’t give them a chance to start into questions. “She’s okay,” Jeff insisted first. “She’s out of surgery. We repaired her arm, given her antibiotics and all the additional shots she might need.” He waited for that to sink in.

“How bad is it?” Dan asked.

“It was,” he emphasized the ‘was’, “pretty bad. We had to give her a lot of blood, Dan. We actually didn’t have enough and had to call over the intercom for O negatives. People came running. The cut was deep and the outer flesh was smooth but the inside was a more jagged. Everything went really well. She’s going to be in pain for a while and won’t be able to use that arm for some time but I expect a full recovery. They should be moving her from the recovery room to one of her own. Then we’ll just keep an eye on her overnight and reassess in the morning.”

Dan had a good hold of Charlise and he gave her a little squeeze of encouragement. This was good news. “Any idea what happened?”

Jeff shook his head. “She’s been unconscious the entire time. By the looks of the cut I’d almost guess a thin wire but there also may have been a barb on it, which would account for the tearing on the inside. We found traces of rust when we cleaned the wound so I’m guessing some type of old fencing. Other than that I don’t know what to tell you. She bandaged it the best she could before she lost consciousness.” He hesitated. “It was close, Dan.”

Dan nodded. His stomach felt queasy but he didn’t let it show. “Where is she?”

The doctor checked with the nurse. “Room 23. She’ll be coming in and out of consciousness but don’t expect her to be completely lucid until tomorrow. She’s been through a lot. Her body is bound to show signs of the strain.”

“Thank you, Jeff,” Dan said in gratitude. The man was one of his father’s best friends and he was like an uncle to Dan.

Jeff gave his arm a squeeze. “She’s going to be just fine.”

Charlise stopped just through the door. Dan almost ran into her. They both peered at the woman lying in the bed. She had never looked more like a child to either of them. Charlise finally stepped forward and stood next to the bed. It took her a long moment to reach out. She was afraid if she touched her, the girl would break. Kadey moaned slightly and it jutted Charlise into motion. She sat on the bed and stroked the girl’s hair. Kadey was so pale. What if she hadn’t found Travis? What if he hadn’t gotten to the hospital on time? What if there had been no one with O negative blood near by? So many factors. Thank you, Jesus. Thank you so much. Oh Lord God thank you. She stood back up so that Dan could get closer. She felt almost sick to her stomach. She could see he felt the same.

Dan stood next to Charlise. He’d almost lost his baby. He’d almost lost her and nothing had been fixed. He’d already thanked the Lord repeatedly since they’d walked through the door. He did so again as he reached down to touch her. He had to make sure she was warm. He ran his fingers down her good arm. As they crossed over her had she suddenly jerked. He tried to pull away, afraid he had hurt her, but she latched onto his finger. His insides lurched as he was propelled into the past when a tiny baby had done the same. She didn’t let go. Dan couldn’t hold back any longer. His body shook as silent tears ran down his face. Charlise turned into him, careful not to disturb the hold Kadey had on him, and wrapped her arms around his waist. He held her with his free arm.

Charlise tried to keep her tears as silent as Dan was managing but she wasn’t doing quite as well. She buried her face into his chest and just let go. His strong arm held her secure. Finally she pulled herself away and tried to gain composure. Dan had stopped crying but his eyes were red and bloodshot. She imagined she looked worse than he. She turned to Kadey and just watched the girl sleep.

It was not a peaceful sleep. The pain or trauma or both showed clearly on the girls face. Charlise wanted to help her but she was unsure what she could do. Dan softly pulled his finger free and stepped back. “Come on,” He pulled a chair around for her to sit. “You sit here and hold her hand. I think she needs it just as much as you do.”

Charlise felt guilty. He was Kadey’s father. He should be the one. He gave her a look indicating that he knew what she was thinking and gently pushed her into the chair. He pulled a different chair around so that he could sit and watch them.

It was getting late and Kadey still had not awoken. The nurses had assured them that she was doing fine. She’d had a slight reaction to one of the antibiotics but it was taken care of now. Her body just needed the recuperation from the trauma and for healing. Charlise felt Kadey’s hand jerk slightly in her own. She looked up quickly at the girls face. Her eyelids were fluttering. Dan stood and waited.

Kadey’s eyes opened and she looked around. She seemed to be confused. Her arm was wrapped and placed in a hard foam arm rest partly to keep her from harming it. She jerked suddenly and pain wrenched through her body. Charlise had thought the girl could not become any whiter than she had been, she was wrong. Charlise slid onto the bed and gently but forcefully took the girls head firmly in her hands and pointed towards her.

“Kadey, you’re okay. Look at me. Who am I?” She wasn’t sure why she’d asked the question but it had come to mind.

Kadey tried weakly to pull her head away, still too dazed to understand what was happening. She finally focused on the voice calling out to her. “Charlie.”

“Yes. Now calm down. Would I let anything or one hurt you?”

Kadey blinked a few times and finally settled her eyes on the woman. She stared at her a moment and then without answering she closed her eyes and fell back asleep.

Charlise was torn between wanting to jump up and run away to find somewhere to scream and never leaving the girls side again. She shifted on the bed and instead of taking her seat again she lay on her side next to the girl. Without opening her eyes, Kadey’s hand slid over and grasped Charlise tightly. Dan noted silently that Kadey’s face relaxed at that point, and though it was still etched in pain, she seamed much more at rest.

He heard a distant voice down the hall and recognized it. Charlise did as well and nodded for him to go. He walked down the hall and motioned for Ms May to quiet down.

“How is she?”

“Sleeping.”

“Is she okay?”

“Jeff says she’ll be fine. She’s going to be in pain for a while and have limited use of her arm till she’s all healed but she’ll recover.”

“What happened?”

“We don’t know,” he answered. “She hasn’t been coherent so we’ll just have to wait. Charlise is lying with her cause she woke up all riled but she’s out again now.” He directed her to the door.

Ms May stood silent.

Dan spotted Travis then, he was standing off to the side of the hall. He walked over. “I’m going to go,” Travis informed him. There was something in the way he said it that told Dan the boy had a purpose.

“What’s up?”

“I have to go check on Dixon.”

“Yes. You think he’s out on the range?”

Travis shrugged. “I’d guess he’s either back on the ranch or outside on the lawn waiting for her. He tried to follow us but I was not driving in the least bit slow.”

“Okay. Make sure to give him a good meal.”

Travis nodded. “I have to clean him up.” He wouldn’t make the same mistake he had with the truck.

Dan got his meaning and his stomach lurched. “Yes, that would be good.”

Travis nodded and turned to leave.

“Travis.”

“Yeah?”

“Thank you.”

Travis nodded. As he turned to leave, Dan thought he saw tears in the boy’s eyes.

Dan entered the room and saw that Ms May was still standing there silent. It was the only time they had seen the woman apparently speechless. “God saved us today,” she finally spoke.

“Yes He did,” Charlise agreed as she stroked Kadey’s hair. “He surely did.”

I do not feel good, Kadey thought to herself. She wanted to keep her eyes closed. Maybe she could sleep this feeling away. What is wrong with this bed? Wait, this isn’t my bed. She almost jerked awake but she realized someone was next to her. Slowly she opened her eyes and looked. Charlie. What is going on? She twisted slightly and a massive pain ran up her arm. “Aaah.” She breathed in sharply. “That smarts.” Charlise began to stir. Copper eyes met hers. “That doesn’t look so comfortable.” Charlise reached out her hand and trailed her finger tips down Kadey’s cheek. She didn’t look good at all, Kadey noticed. “Are you okay?”

Charlise snickered slightly. She couldn’t seem to force herself to speak so she nodded.

What is wrong? Kadey wondered. She looked around. A motion toward the end of the bed caught her eye. “Dad?” He looked just as bad. Kadey went to push herself up in the bed and found her arm wouldn’t move. She noticed the harness and bandaging then. She was hurt. It was an odd thing to just figure out. Shouldn’t she have known it already? She pulled her left hand from Charlise and tried to push herself up. Charlise slid off the bed and pushed the button that raised the back. Kadey looked around the room. She was in a hospital. “What’s going on?”

Dan studied her for a moment. “You don’t remember?”

She looked down at her arm and thought hard. A memory came to her in a flash, a calf lying on the ground caught in wire. She took her left hand and carefully slid it along her arm. She’d been cut by something. She involuntarily jerked when the memory of the blood gushing out of her arm surfaced. “I got cut.”

“Yes,” her dad confirmed, “from your forearm down and around. Whatever it was uncovered bone in one spot.”

Kadey cringed. “Ouch.”

“Do you remember what happened?” he asked.

“Kind of.” She remembered the calf and she remembered the blood. There was a step missing somewhere. “I was riding fences and there was a calf caught in wire.” It seemed to materialize in her mind as she spoke of it. “I got my cutters and approached him. I had to lie on top of him as I cut so he wouldn’t try and get up. I remember jumping back and at first he didn’t move. Then he jumped up and ran towards the feeding ground.” She rubbed at her eyebrows. “I’m not sure what happened next.”

“The doctor said your body has suffered a great deal of stress. I’m sure that’s why it’s hard to remember,” he assured her. It wasn’t hard to figure out the rest. Working with animals and barb wire was a very risky business.

Kadey could see his mind whirring and she knew he thought she’d messed up. She hadn’t. She’d been careful.

They locked eyes. “I wasn’t thinking that,” he said coolly.

She shouldn’t be surprised. He could read her better than she could read him. She laid her head back on the pillow. “He ran into the wire. It caught on his hoof and he yanked free.” She could see it in slow motion. “A board flipped toward me and I ducked sideways to get out of the way. I felt something across my arm. It had felt so soft, like a mouse had run across it. I was standing again before I ever knew what had happened.” She looked at her father. “I went looking for Travis but I don’t remember reaching him.”

“That’s because you lost consciousness on the way there. Dixon took you to Travis and he brought you here.”

“Dixon?”

“He’s fine. Travis saw to him.”

Kadey relaxed. She trusted Travis to care for him. “He saved my life. They both did.”

Dan nodded. “Yes.”

The doctor showed up not long after. Kadey was shocked to find she had lost a day. She patiently waited as he decided whether or not to release her. She’d have liked to get less patient about it but Charlise was still worrying her and she wasn’t about to do anything to make it worse. She’d hardly said a word. She responded when spoken to and that was about it and even then they were short responses.

“Well I guess you have a choice. If you promised to simply change this bed for your own and then later take it very easy I see little reason not to set you free.”

“Believe me, that’s not going to be a problem. I seriously doubt I’ll even be able to tread outside by myself for the next six months, if not longer,” Kadey assured teasingly. Again no reaction from Charlise. Kadey had expected a ‘here here’ or ‘you know it’. She didn’t like this at all.

“What is the little reason?” Dan asked.

Jim looked at him. “The ride home is not going to fun. She’s going arrive at the front door drained and in pain. I’ll give her a shot to go, and you’ll need to pick up this prescription,” he handed it over, “it’s for pain killers and some antibiotics I’d like her to finish out. Still, she’s going to be a rough trip.” He looked her over. “Rough enough I’d suggest postponing it a few days,” then he looked at the other two, “but I know she had a good support group that will keep her in line so either way, up to you.”

Dan looked at Kadey for an answer. “I’d like to go home,” she said quietly.

“Okay,” Dan said. It would be better for everyone and they’d take the trip slowly. “I’ll go get the prescriptions now and we’ll go when I get back.”

“I’ll get the paperwork rolling so it will be ready to sign her out when you get back,” Jim told him. He almost regretted his decision as he watched them load into the car. He’d given her the highest dose he could of pain killer but he could see it was a strain. Still he knew they’d all be better off with her at home.

They put Kadey in the middle and fastened up. Dan took it slow but the ride was abusive none the less. Charlise finally turned at an angle. “Don’t get in a wreck,” she commanded. She reached over and undid Kadey’s belt and pulled the girl into her. Kadey snuggled in and soon she was asleep. She groaned occasionally when the road hit a bump but was much better off than before. Dan grimaced each time the tire dipped into a pothole or washboard. They’d be home soon and it would be okay, he kept reassuring himself.

He pulled as close to the front door as he could manage while still giving them room. They just sat there in silence when he turned off the engine. Kadey was sleeping and he knew Charlise would stay that way all night as long as Kadey was comfortable. But Charlise was not and Dan had to take care of both of them. “Kadey,” he called gently, “wake up sweetheart.”

She stirred and looked around. “Are we there yet?” she asked, more as a joke.

“Yes,” he smiled at her.

Charlise gently righted her up and opened the door. “I’ll go make sure it’s all ready. I’ll be back.”

Kadey watched her go. Once she was in the house she turned to Dan. “I know this is hard for her but is something else going on?” She glanced at the house and back. “Is she mad at me?”

Dan hesitated. He didn’t want to make this any harder on anyone.

“I didn’t mess up did I?” she wasn’t so certain anymore. “I was really careful. I knew it was dangerous and I was really careful.” It sounded more like entreat for belief than a statement.

“Kadey, from what you said, you did right. Ranch life isn’t always safe. There are plenty of accidents and that’s all this was. That’s a better job for two but I can’t see anyway you could have helped what happened. It was an accident, no fault involved.” He was glad to see his reassurance still meant something to her.

“You didn’t answer my question,” she said softly.

He sighed. Kadey was not one to let things go. “No, I don’t believe she’s mad at you. She was in shock and she seamed to come out of it, but then there was a period of silence while we waited for you to wake up. Silence isn’t always the best thing. You’re mind can do a lot of wandering. I should have kept her preoccupied but I was wandering myself.”

“There is something though. Look I know how much she cares about me but this is something more. What’s going on?” she pleaded.

“I can only speculate, Kadey.”

“Please.”

“She saw the inside of Travis’ truck. He tried to hide it but she sidestepped him and took a good look. Your blood was all over the seat and dashboard.”

He didn’t have to explain the implications to that sight. Charlise was a mother who lost her child in a car accident. She was unable to stop images of what that had been like from her mind. Now she’d just received a very real visual of what it looked like. Kadey’s eyes teared up.

“Okay, now, don’t get upset,” Dan warned her. “Charlie will be okay if you’re okay. She just needs you to be okay. So don’t get upset or it will make it worse,” on all of them, he added silently.

Kadey nodded and pulled herself together. She hated that she was hurting her friend. She searched her mind again. She just couldn’t find some way of doing it different. She hadn’t gotten quite far enough away but she hadn’t seen whatever had cut her. She’d thought she was safe. “I didn’t mean for her to get hurt.”

“She knows that. She doesn’t blame you, Kadey,” at least not to his knowledge, “she’s just hurting for both of you.”

The door opened and Charlise and Ms May came out. Kadey had not yet seen Ms May and she braced for impact. The older woman noticed. “Now stop that. I’m not going to lay into you, Kadey,” she shook her head. “You didn’t do nothin wrong. It’s part of ranch life. You’re daddy and granddaddy have come home just as bad.” She looked at Dan. “And you’re daddy has had a few that he did get laid into about. This isn’t one of them so just relax.”

Kadey did. She found herself curious to those ‘laid into’ times with her father. She’d have to ask Ms May or maybe even him about them sometime. She looked over and he was grinning at her. He knew. How did he do that? “Remind me later and I’ll fill you in,” he confirmed.

Once she was standing on the pavement Kadey wasn’t sure she could make it inside the house. Dan agreed with her. “I’m going to carry you,” he told her without leaving room for argument. He leaned over and gently pulled her into his arms. At this point Kadey was too tired, sore and in pain to protest.

Before they had made it into her bedroom she was even too out of it to hold her head up. Dan went around the bed but instead of setting her down he just stood there. Charlise was about to question him when it dawned on her what was going on. This was the first time he’d been able to hold his daughter in a very long time. Her anger gave way to exhaustion and she nuzzled into his arms. She wouldn’t take this away from him. She just pulled back the covers so they’d be ready and went about prepping the room. She pulled an arm chair from the living room over to the bed. Then she placed water and Kadey’s pills onto a tray on the dresser. When she’d turned around Kadey had started to stir. When she realized where she was she pulled her head from her father’s shoulders.

“Okay, I’m going to set you down.” He did so as gently as possible.

Charlise left the room to get ready for bed.

“Dad, take the chair out.” Kadey instructed. “She’s not sleeping in that thing.”

He hesitated. “She’ll just bring it back.”

“Let me take care of that.”

Kadey waited for Charlise to return. When she did she noticed the chair was missing right away. Kadey watched for a reaction. The look that crossed the woman’s face was familiar. She’d seen it many years ago when her groceries had spilled across the pavement. Kadey grabbed the covers with her good arm and pulled them back.

“You are not going to sleep in that thing. You want to stay in here tonight then climb in.”

Charlise stood silent for a moment then did so. Kadey made herself comfortable and reached out and took the woman’s hand. She turned her head to look at her. “I’m sorry.”

Charlise was afraid if she spoke she’d lose it. She tried to control her breathing which was threatening to turn into sobs. “Sleep,” she managed.

Kadey could see the struggle. She could wait until the morning. “Okay.” She waited until the lights were off and they were settled. “I love you, Charlie.”

“I love you too,” came the answer from the dark. Kadey couldn’t see them but she knew tears were trailing down the woman’s cheeks.

Chapter 9

A lifetime had passed when Kadey finally graduated to a recliner in the living room. It was not the most exciting spot in the entire universe but it sure beat being confined to her bed. She enjoyed reading but it was getting old fast. The ranch had no need of a satellite dish since no one watched much TV. There was a descent collection of videos but she’d already wore those out as well. What she needed to do was make a break for it but that was virtually impossible. Too many people in this house could read her mind. Every time she got close, someone would come in and sit as body guard. Oh they said it was for company but she knew better. She was a prisoner and she waited for her escape. Truth was she wouldn’t make it far anyway. The pain killers tended to make her sick to her stomach and a little off balance but if she didn’t take them she couldn’t move or her arm not only throbbed, it tortured her with shooting, stabbing, crushing pain. So she was stuck under a rock or crammed in a hard place, neither comfortable.

Yesterday had been the first time they’d let her go outside and that only because she’d had it to the point of total rebellion if they didn’t let her. She hadn’t seen Dixon since that day and she needed to. Reportedly the horse was in the same boat. He’d been acting up more and more each day and they were afraid he was going to hurt himself. They’d put a chair to the outside of the deck, had her sit and then brought him around. It was a much needed reunion. He’d calmed down significantly and she had too for that matter. He’d put his head to her height and she’d wrapped her arm around him. She’d silently cried but she didn’t let anyone see her.

Now she just felt listless. She was ready to be well again but her body wasn’t cooperating. She looked longingly out the window. As soon as the thought entered her mind the front door opened. Would she never escape this wretched cell? The person who walked through made her heart jump.

“Grandad!”

“Hold it there,” he commanded. “I’ve been informed not to let you get up, something about your vertigo not being so much in the go area.”

She smiled and remained seated. “Well if you come over and help me slowly rise, I think we can handle it.”

He did so and once standing she put her arm around him and squeezed. He held her close and kissed her temple. Finally he pulled away and had her sit down again.

“You cut your trip short?”

He gave her a rather disgusted look. “I’d have come a long time ago if I’d have known you were here but no one informed me. I wasn’t told until you about got yourself killed.”

“Hey, it wasn’t my fault.”

“I’m aware of that. Though why you were by yourself I don’t know.”

“Everyone else was off to church.”

“And why weren’t you with them?”

She hesitated. Her grandfather was a rough man, but for all his faults he loved the Lord. That made this a sticky subject. “I didn’t see the point.”

He studied her. “Seems to me you were raised to see the point.”

Oh boy. “When was the last time you went?”

“I go when I can,” he argued. “From what I hear you ought to be more grateful.”

“Grateful? To a God who allowed me to be stripped from my home among many other things. How about the God who left you a widower.”

Edward Mitchum was a formidable man, most said even more so than his son. He grabbed a chair and pulled it close to his granddaughter. It sometimes hurt to look at her. She was just about the spitting image of his Maggie. “I’m going to assume that tone is drug induced because I know that under normal circumstances you would not use that tone with me.” His voice was low and authoritative. Kadey didn’t speak but her face registered his words. “You know better than that, Kadey, or have you forgotten your gramma?”

Kadey’s mind traveled back in time against her own will. She’d been young when her grandmother had become sick. Kadey had been too young to understand what was even going on. All she knew is that they had to move to a warmer climate for her. It had been a catch 22 though. The warmer climate had been better for her health but leaving her home had broken her heart. She had become steadily worse and one day had summoned her family. She’d explained that she’d had an epiphany. The rapid decline of her well being was God’s way of preparing her to come home, she’d told them. He was trying to make it easier on all of them by reminding them all that she was going to a better place. It may not be this week or this month, but they’d all best be ready. They’d all nodded and said that they understood. Kadey hadn’t understood at all. Later she’d gone to her grandmother alone.

“Are you dying?” she had asked the woman.

Maggie Mitchum had looked at her youngest granddaughter, her secret pride and joy, with compassion. “Yes, Kadey darlin, I am.”

Kadey didn’t understand how her grandma could be so calm and peaceful while saying that. She actually looked…excited? Was that the right word? “You seem happy that you’re leaving us,” she said softly. The tone hadn’t been strong but the accusation was there.

Maggie brushed her fingers against the girl’s cheek. She would miss being a part of this girl’s life. She’d known since the first time she’d held her that the world was in for it. This girl was going to be something else. She just hoped it was something good. “I’m not going to lie to you, Kadey, a big part of me is. I love your granddad very much but I have a greater love than even him.”

Kadey’s eyes went big. “Who?”

“You see, when I was a girl a lot of bad things happened in my life. It was a hard life but I found someone who loved me with all his heart. I fell in love with him and he’s been the love of my life ever since.”

“Does granddad know?””

“Yes, darlin, he knows. He feels the same way.”

Now that was confusing.

“You see. I’m talking about Jesus. I met Jesus when I was about your age and we’ve been together ever since. I read His love letters every morning when I get up and any chance I get throughout the day.” She picked up her bible. “He tells me in this book how very much He loves me. He tells me about how He died for me and wants me to be with him. For about fifty years I’ve waited for the day when I’d be able to look into his eyes. I want to see him and be with him so very much, Kadey. I’ve longed for Him all these years and that day is getting nearer.” She smiled at the girl. “I love you all and I’m sad to be leaving you but I’m not sad where I’m going. I’m excited. That’s my home, Kadey. That’s where my love is. One day your granddad will join me there.” She’d taken Kadey’s chin firmly in her fingers. “I’d best be seeing you there as well.”

Kadey snapped herself out of the memory. She didn’t want to hear anymore. She’d loved her grandmother but she didn’t want the lecture right now.

“I don’t want to fight,” she said softly.

“Okay,” he agreed. “We won’t. How are you feeling?”

 “Imprisoned.”

He laughed. “I bet. I expected Ms May to have a chain around your ankle. How do they stop you from escaping?”

“They’re psychic and come in every time I even think about escape. So, how did your trip go? Did you buy any pretty ponies?” Her father and her own taste ran to the wild breeds but her grandfather’s taste ran to the high rollers. He’d spent his “retirement” traveling around the world looking at horses, attending events, seeing what few American’s see. If there was an obscure event hosting horses somewhere in the world, her grandfather was there.

“I did,” he admitted. A sly smile formed on his face.

“How much did this one put you back?” she asked.

“Well, let’s just say that you shouldn’t count on having much of an inheritance left after I’m gone.”

She grinned. “I see. Good thing I’m not counting on it. So, what’s her name?”

“How’d you know it was a she?”

“I’ve never forgotten your weakness for the high strung females,” she teased.

“Must be why I like you so much.”

“I don’t know if I’d describe myself that way,” she protested.

“Your type rarely do.”

She would have playfully struck him if she could. She let it go with a menacing look, under the circumstances that just had to do. The next forty five minutes were nothing but horse talk. It was fun. She hadn’t seen him for about five months so they’d had a bit to catch up on. They saw each other about twice a year, more if something came up but no less. He’d come and seen her the first few years. Now they typically met somewhere. She’d flown to Washington last year around Christmas to meet up with him. Glenn couldn’t get off work to go with her. Now she knew who he was working on.

The front door opened and her father walked in. Her grandfather stood. The tension was vivid. “Dad.”

“Dan.”

Kadey was surprised. She knew her grandfather shared her outrage at her father’s decision but she hadn’t expected them to be so distant even so. She’d gathered some of that ire herself the last few years. Her grandfather insisted that she should take her stand in the ranch. It was as much hers as any of theirs, he’d insisted, and she shouldn’t allow her father to get in the way of her being a part of it. They had come to big blows about it about a year ago, so much so that he’d cut their time short. Yet he had called a couple of weeks later to chat with her. That was the thing about her granddad, he didn’t necessarily forgive and forget, but he didn’t cut you out of his life because he disagreed with you. That’s why it surprised her so much to not only see but feel this tension.

“I’d have come and said hi sooner but I didn’t know you were here.”

“Well I’d have been here sooner but no one bothered to tell me my granddaughter was home. I had to wait until she almost died before I found out.”

“You said to call if there was an emergency, there was and I did.” He folded his arms. “Before then there was none.”

“Nice son.”

“She wasn’t in any hurry to go. I’d figure she’d be here when you finished jet setting.”

Kadey noticed that they locked eyes. Whatever the hidden meaning in that statement was, it had angered her grandfather.

“That is if you didn’t blow it and send her packing again.”

“I never sent her packing!” Dan argued.

“You sure didn’t do anything to stop it,” Eddie said.

“I did what I had to.”

“No, you tucked your tail in and ran.”

Dan exploded. “Who do you think you are?! This is my house. You will not come into my home and treat me like this. If that’s a problem for you there is the door!”

“That’s just fine by me!” Eddie roared back.

“He goes, I go,” Kadey threw in threateningly.

Dan switched views. Anger flashed in his eyes and Kadey figured she might be taking a trip. She’d take it. “You know what…”

He never finished. A shrill whistle filled the air. “That is enough!” Charlise demanded. “I know there is a lot of old baggage here that needs sorted out. Oh and it does definitely need sorted out but not like this. When that time comes you will discuss it without screaming, without low blows and without,” she looked at Kadey, “threats. However this is not the time or place. Do I make myself clear?” She waited. “Do I?”

“Yes, ma’am,” Kadey and Dan both said in unison.

Eddie didn’t know what to think. The woman looked familiar but he wasn’t sure who she was. She held this house with authority though. She looked at him pointedly. “Yes, ma’am,” he said.

“Good.” She fixed on Kadey. “You’ve just earned some rest. Get up and go to your room.”

Kadey began protesting but she was shot down with a very stern look. “Fine!” she bit out and jumped up. Bad idea. The room went blurry and her knees buckled under her. She never hit the floor. Charlise had her securely in her arms.

“Maybe I should have said, ‘slowly get up and go to your room’.”

“That might have been good.” Kadey agreed.

“Can you walk?”

“I don’t know.”

“Here,” Dan stepped up. Before she could protest he swooped her carefully into his arms. She remained stiff in his arms as he took her to her bed. Once he’d set her down he turned and walked out of the room. They heard the front door close firmly.

“Ms May,” Charlise called.

She came in. Her face was neutral but Kadey noted a gleam in her eyes. She’s apparently been listening to their chew out with relish. “Yes?”

“She’s all yours,” Charlise said as she left. She walked into the living room where Eddie stood waiting. She studied him for a long moment. “We’ve met before,” she told him.

He figured they had. It came to him. “Charlise right?”

“Yes.” She knew she should butt out but she wasn’t going to. “What is going on in that head of yours?”

He wasn’t sure what to say. He was sure that nothing he said would be safe. “Sorry?”

“You do not treat your son like that in front of his child, especially under the circumstances.” Eddie suddenly felt like his wife and his mother were in the room. He shifted uncomfortably. “Let alone what good did it do? I understand this situation sucks but what are you gaining by your attitude?”

He would have taken offence if she hadn’t said it with such integrity and care. “He was wrong.”

“Yes,” she agreed. “I agree but I also know that Dan is a good man. Whatever mistake he made, even though I don’t understand it, was for a reason. Do you think he meant to hurt her? Do you think he’s enjoyed these last years?”

“No,” Eddie answered begrudgingly. He really felt like his mother was standing behind him with that look she gave when she chastised him.

“Then why are you being so hard on him?”

“Because it didn’t just ruin his life, it hit us all.”

She nodded in agreement. “I know but if you can’t forgive him for him or for yourself, you need to do it for your granddaughter. That girl is drowning in her anger. You need to be an example for her. You need to forgive your son. Do you want her lost and angry forever?”

“No,” he acknowledged. He was shrinking smaller by the minute.

“You have been her only link to this life. You need to help her and you can’t do that if you’re angry yourself.”

He nodded. “You’re right.”

“Yes I am.” She looked at him beseechingly. “Kadey aside. He’s your son. He’s not perfect. Did you expect him to be? Have you ever considered that had you agreed to disagree and you had stood behind him and gently nudged him in the right direction, maybe he would have come to his senses instead of digging in his heals?”

Eddie swallowed hard.

“He needs his dad to forgive him. He needs his dad to love him even when he messes up. Does he know that? I got the impression that you two had been close at one time. When did you stop ending the fight with ‘I love you’?” Her eyes were filled with tears on behalf of all of them. “You don’t have to agree with him. You do need to forgive him.”

The lump in Eddie’s throat just about choked him. He’d never been so humbled so hard and fast in his life. “Yes ma’am.”

She walked over and put her hand on his shoulder. “I know that you and Dan are fabulous men. I knew before I ever met you. Even with eight years of absence that girl is all you guys. This place has never left her, no matter how hard she tried to forget it. You’ve all got the same stubborn streak.”

He smiled. “That we do,” he acknowledged.

“Okay,” she sighed. “I’m going to go talk with Dan. You report to Ms May and see if she needs to yell at you too.”

He cleared his throat. “You’re kind of mean.”

She grinned. “Only when I need to be.” She left in search of Dan.

Ms May walked in. “I like her,” she said matter of fact.

Eddie looked over at Ms May and then at the now closed door. “I do too.”

Charlise went to the barn first and hit the jackpot right away. Dan was storming up and down the barn. His friend the goat was following him. She thought for a moment it was going to get the goat kicked, but realized that he was talking to the beast that he referred to as a thorn in his side. Thorn or not, that goat was a good listener.

“Dan,” she called gently.

He spun around and turned toward her. He wasn’t happy she was there. Still, something had to be done. Lord, I don’t want to hurt him but something has to give with these people. Help me to not overstep my bounds. Give me the words. Please please help me out here.

Dan could tell she was praying, a point which both calmed him down and revved him up because he knew what she was going to say. He didn’t want to hear it. “You can save it,” he told her. “I already know what you’re going to say.”

“Maybe but we’ve got to talk about this.” She stepped closer but stopped when he seamed to want to back away. He needed some distance she’d give him some. “Dan you have got to talk about this. We have to get through this.”

“It doesn’t help to talk. It’s never going to change. No one is ever going to agree on this and they won’t let it go,” he raged.

She didn’t take his tone personally. “You need to understand where she’s coming from and I can help with that but I need to understand where you’re coming from first.”

“I know where she’s coming from,” he bellowed. He calmed slightly. “She thinks I’m a coward; that I didn’t fight because I’m a coward. They refuse to believe I did it because it was for the best.”

She hesitated before continuing. “Why the best?” she finally asked. He gave her a questioning look. “Why do you believe it was for the best?”

Her question threw him. No one had actually pressed him on it. “I’ve seen what divorce court is like.”

“Where?” she asked.

“My brother got a divorce. It was a bloody battle. He was warned by a psychologist that it would be hard on the kids and he’d never win but he did it anyway. They’ve never been the same since. I hoped that we could just deal with it and go on instead of getting bloodied up first.” He explained.

“Okay,” she said thoughtfully. “Did you talk to a lawyer about this?”

He nodded. “Mine, yes.”

“The one Kadey has?” He nodded. “He brought in help because he wasn’t specialized in divorce.”

“He was familiar with a few cases. He told me then that he didn’t know much but what he had seen supported my theory.”

“And I’m sure your ex did her best to bore that reality into you as well.” She leaned against a stall. “You’re the youngest,” she waited for a reply. He nodded. “How old were you when your brother went through his divorce?”

He shrugged. He didn’t know what she was getting at. It was taking all his control to stay calm. He knew she was trying to help but this was pointless. “I was married at the time.”

That wasn’t saying much for a guy married nearly right out of high school. “You know, I absolutely love this place,” she started. It’s almost timeless. This ranch is both your work and your play so you don’t need a lot of twentieth century gadgets. I find it rather funny when Kadey teases you about fitting in with the times.”

He had no idea where she was going with this but her demeanor and voice were calming. “She’s always liked to point out that I live in a different era.”

“An era she enjoys herself but she fits into this one as well. Did she like school?”

“Yes,” he answered slowly. What was she up to? Charlise nodded as though he was giving her needed information and confirming her thoughts. He just wished he knew what those thoughts were.

“So would you say that see lived freely and easily in both eras?”

“What are you getting at?” he couldn’t stand the build up any more.

“You live in another world, Dan.” She shook her head sadly. “How often do you even watch the news?”

“Not often,” he admitted. “Usually only when I meet the guys at the pool hall or visit someone at their home.”

She chewed on her lip. This was going to hurt but she knew he had to be made to understand. “I need you to understand that I get it. I get your argument and your reasoning. I don’t in the slightest think you were a coward or a dead beat dad. Okay?” He nodded and braced himself for the ‘but’.

“You were wrong, none the less.”

He was floored by her certainty. Had she not listened to a word she had said. He’d seen it with his own eyes. How could she refute that?

“All of the information you were using was out dated.” She paused a moment to let it sink in. “Times were changing, Dan. You had a few things working in your favor. I’m going to tell you these things so you can understand your daughter. Because everything I’m about to tell you, Kadey knew. She had friends at school going through divorces. She watched TV on more occasions than you did. She knew what your chances were. First off, dads were starting to get more clout. We went from a time where men got everything, to a women’s movement where dads were less likely to get custody, to a more equal footing. You had a good chance at equal custody. Since you were staying in the home where Kadey was raised and you had Ms May, Koh and his wife and your dad… it was a good family environment. That would have worked a bit in your favor.”

She could see the color slowly draining from his face. She had to keep on. “Not to mention your ex’s new boyfriend, soon to be husband. From what Kadey has told me, he would have worked in your favor.”

Dan stiffened and danger flickered in his eyes. “Do not tell me he hurt her.”

She sighed sadly. “She said he’d never touched her. She always figured he was a bit scared of her cause he knew she could defend herself. She usually describes that time as if she stayed out of their way they let her be. She did say he looked inappropriately at her on a regular basis but she ignored it. At the time that wasn’t a concern,” she had to steer him back. “None of that had been established. What would have worked for you is he had a record. It was mostly stuff from his youth but it would have definitely made a difference. Kadey said her mother dressed him up real nice to meet you but that wasn’t who he was.”

Dan swallowed hard. The more she spoke the less he wanted to hear but he finally agreed that it was a need to know topic, a topic eight years too late.

“Then there’s the fact that Kadey was fifteen. The judge was bound to interview her and with the head on her shoulders she would have made him see. She would have been calm and convincing and best of all, she would have been honest. It’s a huge possibility that he or she would have let Kadey pick where she wanted to spend the next three years. You had a really good chance, Dan. I’m sorry.” She wanted to go to him, to hug him and make it better. She could see that he couldn’t be receptive right now.

“The problem is,” she waited and tried to find the right way to tell him the rest, “none of that matters. If that were all it was, you being misinformed, she would have forgiven you by now. You would have gotten past it just how you imagined that you would.”

“I don’t understand. What else is there?” He’d screwed up. She was right. He’d explain to Kadey that he was an old idiot and maybe they could fix it.

Charlise took a deep breath. “The problem is that,” Wow. How did she explain this? “I don’t want to hurt you.”

He could see that whatever she had to tell him was encroaching personal territory that she felt was not her business. “Charlise, if I need to know this to fix things with my daughter, do not hesitate. Take this wherever it needs to go.”

She nodded but it was easier said than done. “She described your relationship with one another as total adoration. She was your shadow. Where you went she wanted to be.”

He nodded in agreement. “We were a team.”

“She described your marriage as a loveless trap you were caught in.”

He was a bit surprised by that but not completely. It hadn’t always been bad but it had never been great. “Okay.”

“When her mom said she was leaving, Kadey was relieved for you.”

That did shock him. “She said that?”

“Yes. She was relieved for herself as well.”

“Why?” he asked cautiously.

“Because she was off the hook.”

“What are you talking about?”

“I’m talking about a fifteen year old girl who was living with the knowledge that she was the reason that the father she adored was trapped in a loveless marriage.” She explained. He was too stunned to reply. “It was like a weight had been lifted, she told me.”

“Wow. I never knew she felt that way. I wondered if she knew about her conceptio, but I didn’t know for sure. We tried not to talk to her about it.” He took one hand in the other and rubbed at his palm. “That would be hard for a kid.”

There was something harder. “The next part is worse.”

He took a deep breath. “Okay.”

“Weekends and holidays are not okay.”

“What?”

“When you refused to fight, what Kadey heard and felt was that you were finally free.”

“What are you talking about?”

“An seventeen year old makes a mistake and is stuck with a kid. I mean he loves the kid, yeah, but does that mean he has to have it there every single minute of the day. Weekends and holidays would be a blessed relief.”

Dan’s mouth gaped open. “No,” he finally declared. “No!”

“She begged you to want her. She begged you, win or lose, to just wish you could be together. She needed to know that it wasn’t okay with you either. An occasional weekend, a few weeks in the summer, every other holiday…none of those could ever be enough. Not with the way that you two felt about one another. In that moment she found that you weren’t only free from a loveless marriage, you were free from her as well.”

“No,” this time it came out in a plea.

She stepped towards him and he stepped back. “That’s not true.” He suddenly spun around and threw his fist into a sheet of wood paneling.

“Okay,” she yelled at him, “enough of that. You will not hurt yourself.”

He stared down at his bleeding knuckles. “It wasn’t okay.”

“I know, Dan. I know.”

He looked back up at her. “What do I do?”

This was where her part ended. “I can’t tell you that. I will say this.” She tipped her head to the side and beckoned his gaze. “Have a long chat with the Lord before you have one with your daughter.” He nodded his agreement. She knew she couldn’t help him right now with her presence. “I’m going to go now. I will send out some ice for that hand in a short while, so stick around until it comes.”

Dan wanted to tell her not to bother but he knew women well enough to pay attention to her wording. There was no room for dismissal, it was a command. “Yes, ma’am.”

She contemplated him for a long moment. “Okay,” then she turned and walked away.

Dan stared down at the goat. It looked at him as though it was concerned. He didn’t speak or think. He just stared at that goat. After a long while he heard a noise. He was surprised to see his father walk into the barn. He carried a twisted bandana that was bulged in the middle. Eddie stopped just short of Dan. “Hold out your hand,” he instructed.

Dan did so and his father wrapped the ice bulged area around his knuckles then tied it together at his palm. Dan closed his fist around the knot to hold it in place. He slowly walked over to a bench and sat down dejected. He shook his head. He had no words. How could he have been so clueless? Lord, how am I going to fix this? I need you to work on her, Lord. Soften her heart to hear me, to believe me. He glanced at his father who had joined him on the bench. Dan buried his head in his hands. His father reached over and placed his hand on Dan’s shoulder.

“It’s going to be all right, son. It will.”

“I didn’t expect her to send you,” Dan said.

“Really?” Eddie said surprised. “Cause I got a talking to that made me feel like a young boy quaking in front of my mother, all over again. I still haven’t shaken the feeling.”

Dan tried to repress a smile.

“Actually feels kind of good,” Eddie confessed. “It’s surprising how off track you can get without your mom or pop hitting you upside the head.”

Dan wasn’t sure what to think about the new direction his father was going in. At what point was the axe going to fall? He remained still and silent.

Eddie stood and walked to a window in the barn and looked out. He sighed heavily. “Eight years,” he sighed sadly. “I’m sorry, son.” He hung his head defeated. It was quiet a moment. Then with a deep breath he raised his head and looked at Dan. “You messed up. You messed up and you needed me to be there for you. I messed up,” he said after a short pause. “I should have helped you instead of makin’ it worse. I messed up.”

Dan stared at the man. This was 180 degree turn in 2 seconds flat. What in the world? “I did mess up,” he agreed. “I thought I knew what was best and I didn’t.” That was the best the two were going to do. It was the closest to sorry that they got. “Do you think Charlise might be some kind of enchantress?”

Eddie chuckled. “She’s something.” He glanced out the window as though he might see her. She wasn’t in sight. “You might want to do something about that one.”

Dan looked questioningly at his father. Could the older man see in Dan what he was trying so hard to hide?

Kadey noticed two major differences from that day out. First, her father and granddad apparently had made up. No doubt due to a stern talking from Charlise. Second, her father had changed. He had grown quiet. He wasn’t sullen exactly but the life wasn’t in him like it had been. She wondered for a moment if this is what she had been acting like prior to her accident. If it were the case, she could see why everyone was worried. She tried not to care or at least tell herself she didn’t but she didn’t like seeing her dad like this. Even if she refused to take comfort in him, she was realizing that it still meant something that he be a strong tower to her, even if she refused to run to it.

Kadey studied her father from across the table. She hadn’t seen him much the last few days. He had kept busy and none of his tasks had been near the house where she was still confined. Meal times were the only opportunity he took to come inside. When he had been in the house he had been rather quite, though he was talking freely with the others at the table. She wasn’t sure what was bugging her. Maybe she missed him, she thought. They were no longer close but she’d gotten used to him interjecting himself into her space. He hadn’t been pushy but he’d taken multiple opportunities to spend time with her. Now that he wasn’t, she was lonely. Even her grandfather was out and about, usually with her dad.

The two had gotten past their issues. Kadey looked at Charlise; a feat that she was sure was her doing. The woman just had to fix things; she couldn’t leave well enough alone. It wasn’t that Kadey wanted her father and grandfather to be at odds but she had lost her last ally. At least her granddad wasn’t trying to force her dad on her. No one else really did either; not even Dan now. What did she expect? She wouldn’t forgive him but she still wanted him to continue to want her to. Was she really that petty? Maybe.

She stared down at her food. It was her favorite: chicken fried chicken, mashed potatoes, and corn. Whenever Ms May cooked it Kadey’s mouth would begin salivating before her eyes ever had the chance to confirm what her nose had relayed. Now it made her stomach turn. The pain pills were working more as weight loss pills than anything. Maybe if she just made it look like she was eating. She took the fork and began to spread the potatoes out so it looked like she’s been working away at the middle. She hid some corn underneath and spread it out as well. The problem was the chicken. She was debating on what to do with it when she glanced up and found two very amused copper eyes watching her. So much for that. Kadey didn’t react. She’d been caught so she’d just have to deal with it. She took a bite and chewed. Her stomach rolled. She must have shown her discomfort because the copper eyes lost their amused gleam and showed concern and empathy. Kadey tapped the fork on the table lightly. This was agony. She’d better get her taste buds and appetite back when she got off these stupid things.

“Why don’t we take a walk before it gets too dark,” Charlise suggested.

Kadey didn’t even try to hide her relief.

They stood up, Kadey a tad slower than Charlise. “Ms May,” Charlise started, “I will get the dishes when I get back.” The woman nodded her acknowledgement. It was just proper etiquette. Everyone knew the dishes would be done before the two came back in.

They sauntered out and headed for the pasture. Normally they might head up to Kadey’s fence but Charlise wouldn’t allow her to trek up hill yet. They reached pasture fence in silence and looked out across the field. Kadey could see the distant figure on the way to meet them. Luckily they had grabbed a carrot and a sugar cube on the way out. Kadey leaned against the fence and inhaled deeply. She loved this air.

“We’re going to have to see if we can start weaning you off those pain pills or there won’t be anything left of you,” Charlise finally commented.

“Yeah. Lets see how long I can stand to go without one tomorrow.”

“Let’s see how well extra strength Tylenol works tomorrow. I don’t want you to get so behind on pain that we have to play catch up. I’m just hoping you don’t need as much to get through it.”

Kadey nodded her ok but said nothing. After a long moment she spoke. “Are you doing alright?”

Charlise was surprised by the question. Was she doing alright? She’d recovered from the initial shock but images of that blood smeared dash board still cropped up in her mind torturing her. She sighed. “I’m okay.”

“I’m sure that long pause before answering shouldn’t make me doubt that at all.”

Charlise smiled. “Right.”

Kadey turned to her then. “I never meant to reopen wounds. I would give anything to take it all back.”

Charlise reached out and wrapped her fingers firmly around Kadey’s good arm. “I do not blame you for any of this. Okay,” she entreated. “Don’t feel guilty about this.”

Kadey wanted to cover the hand with her own but she didn’t move her arm unless she had to. She looked out at the sky. Anger swept through her without notice. Apparently not only did God not protect his children, he also liked to rub their noses in the pain.

Charlise felt the tension ripple through Kadey and up her own arm. “What?” she asked.

Kadey shook her head. She didn’t want to get into it. “Nothing,” she lied, “just tired.”

She was still in a foul mood over the next few days. She couldn’t shake it. Her father was still avoiding her and the fact that it bothered her just added to her anger. Her granddad was spending most of his time with her dad which annoyed her. Charlise tended to her like a dutiful mother which worked to further Kadey’s anger at God. The sweeter Charlise was to her, the angrier Kadey got. Charlise could sense the anger but didn’t understand what was causing it. She finally decided it was best to back off a bit and give Kadey some space. The question was what did she do if she weren’t taking care of Kadey?

She had become so at home in this house that she’d almost forgotten that it wasn’t hers, a thought that was rapidly starting to depress her. She decided to try her hand at writing during down times but the lack of space set aside for her to do so just reminded her that she didn’t belong here. What would she do? She only stayed in the city to be close to Kadey. Now that she was gone there was no reason to stay there. She had to close her eyes and forcefully regulate her breathing. The thought alone was giving her an anxiety attack. Where would she go? She could go home. She still had family there that would be glad to have her. She could even move near her in-laws. She knew they loved her like their own. Her pushing them away had hurt them. She stared at the young woman sleeping in the recliner across from her. She had to get it out of her head and her heart that Kadey was her home. She wasn’t the girl’s mother. This wasn’t her home and she would have to leave it, maybe even soon. She sighed sadly.

“Writer’s block?”

She jerked at the voice and searched for the owner. “Hi, Dan.” She looked down at her lap top. “I’m a bit of a creature of habit, I’m afraid. I tend to have to set up a work area and go there to work. I’m not like these young kids who can go sit under a tree and let the world speak inspiration to them. I get my inspiration and bring it with me to write.”

He smiled at her, a motion that made her anxiety dissipate. He looked around. “I think we can work with that.”

“What?” she followed his gaze around the room. “What do you mean?”

“You need a work space. Do you like to be by a window?”

“Yes but no.”

His brow rose at her much like his daughters often did. Why did the resemblance between them work to endear him to her all the more? “I’ve often thought that corner over there was a misuse of space. Don’t you think a desk would be good there?” He shifted and examined the area. “If we put it on this side of the window then it would enclose the corner so it felt more like an office area or we could flip it and it would feel more open. Which do you think?”

She sat there silent. She knew she was beat. Kadey had done this to her enough times to know that nothing she said would deter him. She tried anyway. “It isn’t necessary. I wasn’t hinting.”
            He chuckled. “Oh, I know that. It would be much too scandalous to ask for something for yourself every now and then.”

She felt her cheeks grow red at his teasing. She didn’t know how to react to it so she just sat there blushing like an idiot. Her eyes wandered over to Kadey who was awake now, watching her with a blank look on her face. Charlise’s face grew even warmer. “I don’t know what to say.”

“You could answer the question,” he said with a grin. He was standing behind Kadey at this point and couldn’t see her watching.

“Umm,” Oh boy, why did she feel so awkward right now? “This side would be good.”

“Good. I’ll go get Travis and we’ll move a desk in here.”

“This is highly unnecessary,” she insisted.

“Of course it is,” he agreed with her as he disappeared through the door.

She turned to Kadey. “You’re all stubborn, hard headed people that never listen,” she said.

Kadey’s face remained blank but her eyes had a distinct tint to them, a color that rose when she was thinking intently. “It’s a good idea,” Kadey countered. “You could go in the office but then you wouldn’t be able to keep an eye on me. Plus this would give you a better view and keep you from getting cut off from the family while you’re working.”

She was testing her, Charlise realized. She wasn’t sure how but that look and that tone were dead give a way’s. There was something in her wording that was a test. Charlise wasn’t sure how to proceed. She wasn’t sure what Kadey was looking for. She had only one counter attack to use so she did. “Well, I do need to be where I can see the front door and the back yard at the same time, that way you’ll never be able to escape.” Humor, it was the last defense mechanism and the best.

Kadey nodded. She glanced down at her arm. When her gaze returned the color had returned to normal. It was so sudden, Charlise wondered if she’d really seen a change. Had Kadey gotten the answer she was looking for?

The guys came in and after some commotion they had a desk hauled in and set up for her. Travis tipped his hat at her and gave her his sexy grin and left. Kadey stood up and started after him. She looked at Charlise who was about to object. “Don’t worry; Travis is capable of baby sitting for a little while.”

Dan wheeled in his office chair. “Come try it out,” he instructed.

Charlise shook her head. She put her fists to her hips and gave him a look.

It just made him chuckle. “It’s done, no use fighting it now.”

Ooh, that got her ire going. “I’ll have you know I was fighting it the whole time, you just don’t listen.”

He wasn’t daunted by her indignation. In fact he seamed to be enjoying it. “I wasn’t implying that you were one of those types of women that hints to get what she wants and then says ‘oh you shouldn’t have’ when she gets it. I was just suggesting you try and make the most of it.”

He was pushing her buttons, playfully but never the less pushing. She walked over to him. He was in the way of her getting to the chair so she shoved him aside. He was so surprised he almost didn’t catch himself. She sat down and leaned back. “This does feel better,” she said with the air of a content cat that just sharpened her claws on the new upholstery. She was grinning at him when something caught her eye. Kadey was still standing at the door watching them. Charlise couldn’t see from there but she could guess what color those eyes were.

Kadey sipped her coffee with relish. It was the first cup they’d let her have since her accident, insisting that the caffeine wasn’t good for her. She’d bit back insisting that at their ages it wasn’t good for them either but it didn’t seem to stop them. She took as much pleasure in the momentary unimpressed look from Charlise as she could but it hadn’t got her anywhere. Now she held the cup as though it were her secret love. Her father came in and paused when he saw her. He just gave her a nod and walked into the kitchen. After getting a drink he headed back to the door.

He wasn’t going to say a word to her, Kadey acknowledged. “How’s it working for you,” she said before thinking.

He stopped short and turned her way. “What?”

She’d started it; she might as well finish it. She bit her lip and let go the anger that had been building. “This little getting even routine.”

He studied her a moment. She was ready for his come back. She craved it. It occurred to her that she was picking a fight on purpose. Was she that desperate for him to pay her attention?

He just shook his head and without a word was out the door.

Kadey was so angry she nearly threw her cup of coffee across the room. She set it down instead to remove the temptation. What was wrong with her? Why should she care if he was ignoring her? He’d ignored her for years. He ignored you? A small and annoying voice in her head asked. Shut up, she ordered.

“How’d that work for you?”

The voice made her jump. It was a good thing she’d put her coffee down. “What?”

Eddie walked into the room from the kitchen area and leaned against the wall across from her. “That desperate for his attention that you’re picking fights now?”

She hated that he was thinking the same as she was. Was it that obvious? “Just wanted him to know that I know what he’s up to,” she insisted.

He gave a quick laugh that sounded a bit like a snort. “Nice try. When are you going to let this go, girl?”

Kadey tried to rein herself in but the anger had been building higher and higher each day till she felt as though she’d drown if she didn’t let it out. “Just because you’ve switched sides doesn’t mean you get to start lecturing me,” she snapped. She gritted her teeth and tried not to flinch as he came closer.

“Don’t think for a moment I wont put you in your place, girl,” he said dangerously quiet. “You won’t be wounded forever,” he added.

Kadey swallowed hard but tried not to show her fear.

He stepped back and returned to his place at the wall. “You are right,” he said, “I have changed sides. Instead of being on the side that breaks this family apart and down, I’m trying to build it back up again. Truth is if your gramma’d been alive there’s no way in hell we’d ever have gotten this off track.”

It always amused Kadey when her grandfather used colorful language. He’d toned it down a good deal after he got close to the Lord, with the help of his wife, but she’d never been able to get it out of his system altogether. She was too angry to be amused at the moment. She was too angry to let herself agree with his words, even though she knew it was true. “Well, I guess your God saw to it that she wasn’t here to interrupt his games.”

She’d surprised him with that. He was speechless for a good moment. “Is that really what you think?”

“Why shouldn’t I?” she shot out. “Most people I’ve met don’t believe there’s a god or if there is that he’s involved in our lives. You should be happy. I do believe there’s a god. I just think he’s a sadistic…” she never had the chance to finish.

“Kadey!” Charlise exclaimed. She’d only just arrived to catch that last sentence in time to stop it. She glanced around as if expecting lightning bolts to come through the ceiling at any moment. “Are you out of your mind?!”

The last of Kadey’s restraint dissipated. “My mind?” she accused. “How can you go back to a God that murdered your family and left you all alone? Where was your God when I found you?” She bit out. “You love to give him all the credit but where was he then? What did he do for you when you were down and broken then?”

Charlise looked a bit like a rabbit standing still trying to hide from a predator. She couldn’t believe what was happening. There was so much anger, to have it directed at her and at her God so blatantly was unnerving and shocking. Her hesitation seemed to please Kadey, as though she had just proven a point. For a second Charlise was about to get angry herself but the spirit within her suddenly eased her and a flooding of compassion came over her. She had to see Kadey as she was- a lost sheep. “What did he do? Don’t you know?” she asked.

Kadey saw the change come over the older woman and she didn’t like it. “What?” she said, her voice laced in sarcasm.

“At the moment I felt the most lost, at the exact time when I thought I would break into a million pieces…” she paused and tipped her head to the side. “He sent me you.”

“No!” Kadey objected. “You don’t get to give him credit for me.”

“Really? Then you explain what drew you to me? You who tries so hard to keep everyone at arms length. Why did you come running to me in my moment of great need?” She waited a moment for Kadey to realize she didn’t have an answer. “You go ahead and let me know when you find an answer.”

Kadey’s face turned white and then slowly turned an amazing shade of maroon in her anger. “Then you explain it to me,” she dared. “You explain what you did to deserve that late night knock on the door that ruined your life. What was it that pushed him over the edge and made him think it would do you good to shake your life up a bit.”

Charlise felt as though the girl had physically slapped her. “You need to calm down,” she said aloud, though to herself or Kadey, she wasn’t sure.

“And you need to not constantly tell me what I can or can’t do. You are not,” she never finished.

“Kadey!” her father’s voice boomed across the room. Dan had heard the commotion from outside when it first started with his father. He’d wanted to stay out of it but once Charlise had entered it had taken a direction he could not ignore. “You will not talk to her like that, do you understand me?!” His voice made Kadey shrink away from him.

She couldn’t even raise her eyes to meet his. She just stared at his clinched fists. Then she closed her eyes and nodded her understanding. Without a word or a glance at any of them she swept past them and out the door. Dan let her go.

Charlise stood conflicted. She still felt the burn from Kadey’s words but she also feared for the girl’s safety. After an indecisive shuffle she stepped towards the door.

“Charlise.” The tone spoke volumes.

“But she could hurt herself.”

“Then she’ll suffer the consequences but you will not go after her.”

“Dan,” she entreated softly.

“No,” he stated. “That girl has it in her head that the world owes her something. If we keep letting her believe it then we’re hurting her more than helping. She was wrong and she’s going to have to belly up to it. You are not to go after her this time,” he gave no room for argument.

“She’s in pain, Dan.”

“And if she wasn’t healing from a serious accident she’d be in more pain right about now,” he informed her.

She stepped up to him and put her hand on his chest to calm him. “She wasn’t trying to hurt me, at least not in whole. She really doesn’t understand. To her God really did to that and she doesn’t understand how I can forgive him. The tone was cruel but the question was a real one.”

Her touch was like salve to a throbbing wound. “That may be,” he said a bit calmer now, “but even you can’t excuse her for the way she just acted. Don’t deny that she hurt you just now.”

“She did,” she agreed.

He looked up at his father. “Decided that since we weren’t fighting anymore you’d pick a fight with her?”

Eddie scowled at the accusation. “I heard the way she talked to you.”

“Yeah,” Dan sighed, “I can handle my daughter, dad. It was actually a refreshing moment.” He gave his dad a reassuring look. “I appreciate you wanting to stand up for me but this is between me and my girl. I’m not running from it or feeling sorry for myself. I’m listening to that still small voice and it’s telling me to give her space so I am. Before tonight’s little episode I think it was doing her good. It just makes her angry to know she misses me and that little outburst proved it.”

“And I turned it into a devastating blow,” Eddie said sadly.

Kadey would have liked to jump her horse and take off to parts unknown but she knew she wouldn’t be able to go far. Curse this stupid arm. She was beginning to think that she would never heal. She leaned against the fence and waited for her prince to come. Somehow he always knew when she was waiting for him. She’d popped into the barn and got him and his friends some treats. When they’d all arrived she’d given Dixon his first and he’d taken it and stepped back. All the others rushed in for theirs. This was not an easy task. She was only one handed and the large animals were impatient. She was bumped once and nearly floored from the pain. After a few moments of heavy breathing similar to any Lamaze class, she finished off the treats.

Once they knew they would get no more satisfaction from her the others sauntered off but didn’t go far without their esteemed leader. Kadey patted his nose and waited. She didn’t realize that she was waiting until nothing happened. After a long while passed she looked around. She was waiting for Charlise to come and find her. First she had to pick a fight with her dad to get his attention and now she was waiting for Charlise to come and check on her to make sure she was ok. “She’s not coming,” she told Dixon. “I can’t blame her.” Her words resurfaced to mind. How could she have talked to Charlise like that? This woman had opened her arms to her. She was more of a mother to Kadey than her own and she had nearly shouted that she wasn’t her mother. Her father had saved her on that one but they all knew what she was going to say. She couldn’t take it back now. She looked around. “She’s not coming.”

The realization hit hard. “Fine.” It wasn’t fine. What had she done? “I wasn’t wrong about him.” She declared. “It’s not okay,” she said to the sky. “What you did to her, what you did to us… It’s not okay.” The longer she stood there the more an uncomfortable feeling crept in her chest. She didn’t like it at all. Not sure what it was she tried to get her mind off the drama but it wouldn’t leave. “I was not wrong!” she insisted, this time to the ground.

She refused to give in. Her arm was throbbing and her pain meds were calling but she wouldn’t go in side that house. If she had her car keys on her she’d leave. She had no idea where she would go but she’d do it at high speeds. But her keys were hanging up by the door and there was no way she’d get to them without being seen. The pain was starting to make her antsy and she couldn’t hold still. She switched from one foot to another continually. A noise behind her made her twist around. Ms May was coming towards her with a glass in one hand and her other hand closed in a fist. Kadey watched her approach in silence. The woman stopped short of her.

“You are a stubborn, pain in the hind quarters of a girl, Kadey Mitchum. I always knew that but I’m darn right disappointed that you’ve turned up to have less sense than a stick in the mud.” She set the glass of water down on the fence post with such force Kadey expected it to break. “Take these now.” She thrust the pain meds in Kadey’s hand and stood watching. Kadey took them without comment. Once she was sure the pills were down Ms May turned and walked away without another word. Her manner however, spoke volumes.

Kadey turned away and leaned against the fence. She was in pain almost to tears but right now it was nothing compared to the ache in her gut. She didn’t like this. She didn’t like who she was becoming. Part of her wanted to really run now. If she did get hurt, well… “maybe that’d show ‘em.” Oh she did not just think that. “What am I, six?”

She’d worked herself into a head ache now. Using her good arm for leverage, she slipped down and rested against the fence post and waited for the pills to kick in. She would have liked to fall into a deep sleep but the pounding in her head and arm wouldn’t allow her to. She just sat as still as possible and waited. Dixon let her be but didn’t stray far. “Who am I?” she asked. “I don’t even recognize myself anymore.”

She thought of Glenn then. She didn’t want to but she had no power to keep him away. He had smiled at her and she had felt less lonely. That may not seem much to some, but to her it was remarkable. He’d asked her out and they’d had fun. She had fun. She had forgotten to feel abandoned. She’d forgotten to be angry. She’d just had fun. Now she wasn’t sure whose betrayal had been the worse. She had made one friend in college. Just one. He had cheated on her with her one friend. Who did that? “Well a lot of people, actually.” That doesn’t make it better. It was an odd thing to be comparing her father to her husband and finding that the man she’d been angry with for so many years was not as bad as the man she’d given herself to by choice. He hadn’t even shown remorse. At least her father was saddened by his short comings. Glenn just pushed them onto her.

She lifted her hand and looked at her empty ring finger. “How could I have failed so miserably so early in life?” she asked. “Am I so bad? I tried to be a good kid. I’ve never gotten into trouble. I’ve never done drugs. I swore to get to college and I did, despite mom and the thing she married.” She locked onto the patch of skin around her finger that had been hidden from the sun. “I still have a white wedding band.” She had worn gloves outside most of the time so the light skin had still not been exposed to the sun. “I was a good friend,” she declared. “I tried to be a good wife.” She closed her eyes and clinched her teeth. “Why wasn’t I good enough?” The tears slipped out from under her closed eyelids and trailed down her face. “Why didn’t they want me?”

Kadey woke with a jolt. She had fallen asleep. How’d she manage that? Her head felt better but her arm was still quite sore. She slowly got up. She was exhausted despite the nap. Taking a deep breath she prepared herself. She had to go in sometime. Her heart leapt into her throat when she saw Charlise sitting on the front porch. She rocked back and forth seemingly content, just enjoying the evening. Confrontation was inevitable now. There was no way Kadey could walk in the house without acknowledging the woman. She chewed on her lip as she stepped up on the porch. Charlise looked at her but there was no expression for Kadey to read. She stopped on the top step and the two just looked at one another.

Finally Kadey got the nerve to move and she stepped up to the opposing chair. She sat down with an involuntary moan. She was not going to be able to get up without help. She sat so long in silence she didn’t know if she’d be able to talk. When she tried, her lips moved but no words came out. She concentrated on her words and forced them out. “I’m sorry.” The words flooded her and without even being able to wait for Charlise’s reaction, she burst into tears. She sobbed into her hands. After a moment she felt an arm circle her shoulders. She turned slightly and clamped onto the woman. “I’m so sorry.”

“I know, baby girl, I know.” Charlise kissed the top of her head. “Come on, you need to get into bed.”

She guided Kadey into her room and helped her change. The girl nearly collapsed into the bed and was out before Charlise could even pull up the covers. How can I explain it to her, Lord, when I don’t completely understand it myself? She stroked the girl’s hair for a while, trying to comfort her in her sleep.

Dan was waiting in the hall for her when she came out. He didn’t say anything initially, he just gestured for her to follow him. They went into the kitchen and he offered her a drink from the fridge. She took it, though more for something to hold in her hands. “This was a miserable day,” she noted sadly.

“But perhaps productive,” he suggested.

Charlise studied him for a long moment. Long enough that he started to fidget a little at the scrutiny. “Are you going to talk to her?” she asked.

“Yes but it does no good to try when she’s like this.” He took a sip of his own drink. “I’m hoping this blow up at least worked to diffuse her. I’m hoping tomorrow is a brand new day.” Her manner was bothering him. “What is it you’re thinking?”

She sighed heavily. “Maybe I’m not helping. Maybe I’m a stumbling block.”

“You’re not leaving,” he stated matter of fact.

She was so surprised by his command that she wasn’t sure how to react.

“I need a chance with her,” he quickly explained. “If you leave she will follow.” That wasn’t the only reason he didn’t want her to leave, but it was the only one he could voice. “Please don’t go.”

She nodded but had no words in response. She decided the best action for tonight was to try and get some sleep. It was early but she was exhausted. She said her goodnights and went to her room. It didn’t take long to see she wasn’t going to be able to sleep with all these feelings stirred up inside her. She quietly got up and went to her desk in the living room. The house was still and she was thankful for that. She flipped her laptop on and patiently waited for it to boot. Once there she opened her writing program and unloaded. She unleashed all her pain, fear, and uncertainty out on her characters. She typed until her fingers were stiff. By the time she could stop, her character’s lives where in shambles. They were just as hurt, just as sad, just as angry as the lives that surrounded their author. Could she fix them? She wondered. Could she figure how to unravel the mess she’d just put each of them in? Was there a happy ending waiting around the corner? The spirit within her said yes. It was such a small voice but she chose to trust it. She saved her work and shut down her computer. This time when her head touched her pillow, she was able to close her eyes and rest in peace.