Torn Paper Bags 4-6

Chapter 4

It was almost dinner time when she walked into the kitchen. Her father and Travis were sitting at the table. Ms May was bustling about. Kadey grabbed a jar of pickles out of the fridge. To her chagrin she couldn’t get the lid off. Between the ointment on her hands and their slightly tender condition she couldn’t get a good enough grin. Furthermore her father had noticed her struggle but hadn’t actually indicated that he had. She could tell though. He had this way about him. Travis was complaining yet again about their troublesome horse.

“I just don’t understand why you keep the miserable beast.”

“Travis, just give up on him. Maybe green broke is the best we’ll ever get out of him,” her father responded calmly. He stood to get himself another cup of coffee. He poured his then gestured to ask if she’d like one. She nodded and he poured another cup.

“I don’t think you can call that green broke even. Half the time he’d like nothing more than kill us all.”

“You’re exaggerating.”

“I don’t think so. What possible reason do you have for keeping him?”

The grin on her father’s face indicated that there was a specific reason but he wasn’t going to share it. “I say,” he grabbed the jar from her hands and twisted the lid loose. He then handed it back without any indication that anything was going on, “you need to just let it go.”

Travis mumbled under his breath. “You won’t let me. As long as the beast is here I have to try and break it.”

Dan smiled. “Perhaps he’s just not the breakable kind.”

“A bullet would do the trick,” he mumbled.

“Okay, enough. If you want to drive yourself mad trying to do the “impossible” then I won’t stop you but we’re tired of hearing about it.”

“Here here,” Kadey chimed in. She didn’t think it was appreciated by either of them. She cleared her throat for a transition. She looked at her father. It was now or never. “Is Cleve Stein still your lawyer?”

Her father studied her closely. “Yes,” he answered slowly.

“Mind if I give him a call?”

If ever there was a good segue way into buttin into her business this was one. The small voice that often spoke to him cautioned him to hold back his query. “Sure.” He took a sip of his coffee and headed back to his seat.

“Thanks.” She added some cream and sugar to her own cup after she scooped out a few pickles.

Travis shook his head at the exchange. This was ridiculous. “So my curiosities got the best of me. You getting a divorce?”

Kadey considered him silently. Her intent was obvious just as before. She was deciding whether or not to answer. Again it was none of his business and she had no problem ignoring him but on the other hand, she had to tell them sometime. She twisted the lid onto the pickle jar and tightened it. “Yes,” she finally answered. As she opened the door to the fridge she gave him a sideways glance.

Dan would have liked to slap the boy upside the head so hard his forehead hit the table but he steadied himself. Travis seamed just fine with the situation. “I’m sorry to hear that.”

She paused to assess him. He said it with complete sincerity and her slight ire at his question dissipated. She nodded her response.

“At least there were no kids to complicate things,” he finished off.

She almost missed the shelf with the jar. With a slow breath she fixed the jar steady and pushed it back. A glance at her father asserted that he had seen the faltering reaction. She just pretended it didn’t happen. She leaned against the counter and sipped her coffee. No kids to complicate things. Was it a good trade off? Perhaps. She would have fought for hers had she any, that was for certain. Course the thought of Glenn and Tarrissa having any part in her kid’s lives was enough to make her sick. Stop it. It doesn’t matter. There were no kids to worry about. She could leave that life completely behind her. Kadey made eye contact with her father again. She had a feeling he knew exactly what she was thinking. She wasn’t sure how she felt about his being so able to read her. As a kid she loved it. They were always on the same page. Now it was a bit unnerving.

“Cleve’s number’s in my address book,” her father said.

“Thank you,” she left the room to make the call. When she came back in the table was set and food ready. She looked at the clock and saw she had held up dinner. Surprisingly, nothing was said about the fact. She sat down and her father said the prayer. Again she watched him as he spoke sincere words of thanks over their lives, over their food, and continued preservation. It was one of the most familiar sounds to her ears, her father’s prayer. Even after all that had happened she couldn’t deny, to herself anyway, that it seamed to ease her heart.

After he finished, he again didn’t comment on her lack of participation. “You get a meeting set up?”

“He can see me later this afternoon. I’ll head out after we eat.” She looked to Ms May. “You need me to pick anything up?”

She nodded. “I’ll get you a list together.”

Kadey nodded. “Sounds good.”

Cleve studied the young woman before him. He’d been shocked to pick up the phone and hear her voice on the line. He had to check the caller id again to make sure she was really home. It didn’t surprise him that she was in a bind. He didn’t think she would have come back without one. He’d felt rather responsible for their situation. He wasn’t so sure that it wasn’t his fault Dan had chosen not to fight. They’d talked about the possibility of divorce not long before Delila had left him. It wasn’t Cleve’s specialty and he hadn’t caught up on the laws. He was pretty grim on the subject of custody. In his experience the father never won and it was always torture on the kids. Apparently Delila had threatened him with the same information. Much later Cleve had decided that he wasn’t so sure on the facts anymore. Course by then Dan refused to discuss the situation. The damage was done and Cleve let it go.

She handed him a folder. “I think that’s everything you’ll need from me. Let me know if there’s anything else but I’m not sure what else I can do.”

He flipped through the papers. “I have handled a few cases before but from what you’ve told me this is a wealthy family with some pretty high powered lawyers. You sure you don’t want someone specialized in divorce law?”

She hadn’t changed in her dealings, he decided. She always had studied a person over and thought about her answer before giving it. He’d always admired that about her even as a child. He’d watched this girl grow up. She’d even called him uncle Cleve most of her young life. He would do whatever was in his power to get her through this and protect her, even if it meant getting her someone who could do a better job.

“You are as close to a brother as my father has. He trusts you with no exceptions that I know of. I trust his judgment and I feel the same. I’m not in a real trusting state so I’ll leave that to you. If you want an associate of whatever sort on this with you that’s fine by me but I’d like your hand in it.”

He saw the vulnerable girl inside, if only for a flickering moment. “Okay, Kadey. We’ll get it done. Do you think he’s filled yet?”

She thought for a moment. “He’s not the most organized man in the world. He won’t expect me to do anything but she might. I don’t know.”

He nodded. “Okay. I’ll look into it first thing.” He sighed. “What exactly are you looking for out of this?”

“Truthfully?” She leaned back. Revenge. That’s what he wanted to know. Was this about revenge? Was it? “I don’t want anything from him but I don’t want to just let him have his cake and eat it too. I’m not going to lie down like a dog and let him think it was okay that he kicked me to get through the door.”

“So what exactly are we going for?”

“A sizeable donation to the charity of your choice.”

He smiled. “Okay.”

Kadey was emotionally drained when she got back home. It was taking everything she had not to let the situation take her over. She wouldn’t give in to it. She’d yet to cry and she didn’t plan to. Just keep going and one day it’d be gone, at least that’s what she told herself. She gathered herself together before walking through the door. She’d spent the rest of the afternoon in town at the office and then getting supplies. It was time for supper already and she was in no mood for conversation. To her surprise that was fine by them. They let her sit in silence and pick at her food. Usually Ms May would have told her to stop decorating her plate with her food and eat it. She’d already fashioned her potatoes into a reasonable shape of a pony. She assessed it wryly. An artist she was not. She ate the pony’s head. It tasted much better than it looked. Too bad she didn’t feel like eating.

She went for a walk after supper. The exercise and stress of the day was settling down into her shoulders and back. She hoped a short walk would help loosen her up. She followed a familiar path that had lost some of the wear since last she’d been on it. She ended up in her spot atop the hill. She leaned against the fence and watched the sun go down.

She felt broken. She leaned on the fence more for support than leisure. She didn’t feel she had the strength to stand. She felt lost and alone. Maybe she should get that way too. Maybe she should get in her car, drive off into the sunset and just get lost. That just wasn’t her, at least not in a car. On the back of a horse she could do that. Just set off and ride. She didn’t pay attention to direction or terrain. Just to be a single unit on the move. She remembered the freedom. She remembered the peace. She remembered being at home in God’s creation. She’d seen more sunsets at this post then anywhere else on earth. It used to mean something to her. You so sure it still doesn’t? A small voice asked. She was so surprised at the voice in her head she physically stepped back and tried to shake it off. Once she was fairly sure the thought was gone she leaned back against the pole. You really think it’s that easy? “Okay, that’s enough. I’m not talking to you!”

“I didn’t say anything yet.”

Kadey jumped and twirled around. “Holy crap!” She covered her heart with her hand. “You scared me.”

Travis grinned. “Really. It seemed a typical response to me. Girls often jump to when I’m present.”

She gave him an unimpressed look. “Well you’re a bit frightening at any given time but more so when you sneak up on a body.”

“I don’t know if a casual stroll would be considered much of a sneak.”

“Mmm.” She turned back around to look at the sunset. “What you doing up here anyway?”

He shrugged. “You seemed as though you shouldn’t be alone too long with just your thoughts. That can be a dangerous thing in certain circumstances.”

She wasn’t sure what to say. Mind your own business came to mind, but so did a sense of appreciation. It was getting late. “Go home, Travis. I’ll see you tomorrow.”

He flashed her a grin. “Alright. You have a good night miss Kade.”

She rolled her eyes at him. She didn’t bother to tell him to drop the miss. He’d done it to rile her a bit. It was a comment best ignored. She watched him walk away. He was a good guy. With a sigh she made her own way in for the night. Her father and Ms May were sitting at the table. Ms May looked rather bothered in a worried way.

“What?” Kadey asked.

“What, what?” her father asked.

“Don’t what, what me. Something’s up.”

He smiled. “Nothing is up. We’re just discussing…” he paused, “the events of the next couple days.”

“What events would those be?” she asked pulling out a chair.

“Well,” he started slowly, “the stockmens sale is the day after tomorrow.”

“Oh. You headin out in the morning?”

He smiled. “We were planning on it.”

She shrugged. “Okay.” She stood up and got herself a soda out of the fridge. She doubted it was a typical item for this fridge. A few items had appeared since her arrival. As a child she was chided for her liking of soda. Rotten teeth, ruined kidneys, among other ailments were often mentioned every time she asked for one. Now the fridge had a small supply. She sat back down and popped the top. “You going to visit your sister?” she asked Ms May.

The older woman hesitated. “That was the plan.”

Kadey studied the two with their guarded looks. What was the problem? “Was?”

“I was thinking that maybe I wouldn’t go this year.”

Kadey’s brows furrowed in confusion. “Why? You only see her once or twice a year. Seams silly not to go.” She didn’t get a response. Suddenly it dawned on her what the problem was. “Ms May, do you think I’m looking for just the right opportunity to escape?” She took a swig of her drink. Something told her she’d better enjoy the un-chided soda drinking while she could. Once the fear of her disappearing wore off she’d be getting all sorts of health tips again. “Don’t think that your presence or lack of it would prompt or stop me from going if I had the mind to. Unless something comes up I have no intentions of leaving any time soon.” It wasn’t exactly a flowery reassurance but it was the best she could offer right now. She’d have to get on with her life eventually. She just needed to end the last one before she’d be ready to start the next one. The lack of reassurance was obvious. “Would it put your mind at ease if I gave you my word that barring an emergency I promise to be here when you get back?”

“You could come,” she suggested.

“I think not,” she had no desire for the drive or the sale. It had bored her to tears more than enough as a kid. She wouldn’t willingly subject herself to it again. “I’d rather watch paint dry.”

Her father chuckled but said nothing.

She was going to have to offer something more or Ms May was going to miss out on a good visit with her sister. “You two haven’t happened to move into the 21^st century yet have you?”

“Meaning?”

“Do you have a cell phone?”

Dan chuckled again while Ms May shot her a dirty look. “Just happens we do.”

Kadey held out her hand. Ms May got up and grabbed the phone. She handed it over. Kadey went to the contact section and put in her name and number. With a sigh she pulled out her own phone. She needed to get a new one with a new number but it could wait a while. She turned it on for the first time in almost a week. She paused before typing in the contact name. She settled on “Dan’s Cell” then looked up the number on the other phone. After she’d typed it in she handed the phone back. “Is that any better?”

Ms May grumbled something incoherent.

“I’ll take that as a yes.” She looked at her father. “So what about the horses?” She would have straight out offered to tend them herself but she was pretty sure she’d get a no. Course it would have been fun watching him stumble over a nice way to say no while trying not to get himself in hot water. She met his eyes and realized he was in her thoughts again. She’d lost her opportunity. He’d just flat out refuse her now.

“Koh will tend them.”

Kadey’s lips instantly curved into a smile at the name. Uncle Koh. She hadn’t forgotten about him but hadn’t had time to think about him either. “He know I’m here?”

Dan shook his head. “You think you’d be asking that question if the answer was yes?”

No. He’d have come over to see her if he knew. “You going to tell him or let him be surprised.”

“He should be here any minute now.”

She hadn’t been this excited since she was a girl. When they heard the three horn blasts as he pulled up she had to stop herself from racing out the door. She was the first out and she quickly made her way to the fence at the end of the yard. He stopped short when he saw her. She grinned the first true little kid grin in eight years.

His eyes lit up. “Kadey?!”

“Uncle Koh,” she walked up to him as quickly as she could without actually running. His arms were open and she threw her arms around his neck.

His hug lifted her off her feet. He couldn’t believe it. Their girl had come home. He looked over at Dan, his eyes large with wonder. Dan smiled but Koh could see the slight edge of jealousy in his eyes. Kadey was home but she wasn’t back. He stepped away. No need to rub salt in Dan’s wounds. “Look at you.” He complimented her looks in his native tongue. She had not heard the Tanoan language in a long time. Koh was a roving descendant of the Kiowa tribes that lived around the Texas panhandle back in their day. His family had retained as much of their heritage as possible. He had met up with Kadey’s father when they were both young and adventurous. They had formed a lasting bond. Her father had settled down first and when Koh had finally decided to plant roots of his own, he came here to do so. He’d been a part of the family ever since.

“I’m not sure I live up to that compliment but thank you,” she smiled brightly.

He rubbed her cheek with the outside of his fingers. “It is good to see you.” He studied her. “You going to be around long enough to see Cholena?”

“Yes sir, I am.”

“She’s staying here while we go to the sale,” Dan informed him.

Koh nodded. “So you’ll be over tomorrow night for a meal.”

It wasn’t a request. She grinned. “Yes sir.”

“Good. We’ll expect you.”

With that she was dismissed. She chuckled. Some things didn’t change. He was an abrupt man and she loved it. He was an interesting mix of old traditions and current customs. They called him Koh because none of them could say, or remember for that matter, his whole name. She did know that it could be translated as white crow, which she liked to use to get his goat. He wasn’t bothered by his name but she had made the point once to point out how crow like his chattering could be. He couldn’t fathom what she possibly meant by the comment but he knew she’d intended it with playful malice.

Kadey walked back to the house and let the men do their conversing in private. It was a walk she’d taken many times. It dawned on her half way there that she wasn’t a little girl anymore. Why couldn’t she listen? Course they hadn’t exactly dismissed her. It had just been expected. Some day she wouldn’t leave. That would make for an interesting experiment. They probably wouldn’t know what to do.

Ms May was getting her things together. She was mumbling under her breath as she did so. Kadey could make out a couple of words every so often. She watched in content amusement. Ms May finally noticed. “Don’t you have anything better to do than gawk at me?”

“I do not gawk,” Kadey asserted firmly. She flashed the woman a grin. Walking up to her Kadey planted a kiss on the woman’s cheek. She saw surprise and pleasure at the gesture. “Have a wonderful time. I will see you when you get back.” She stepped back and looked at the woman who had practically raised her. Kadey owed her all the peace of mind she could give her. “Okay?”

Ms May smiled but it was a bit on the sad side. “Okay.”

Things were not fixed and no amount of momentary reassurance would do it. Kadey knew what the woman wanted of her and she couldn’t give it. This would do for now. “Goodnight, Ms May.”

“Goodnight, darlin.”

She was a bit more nervous than she’d expected. Now that the initial surprise and shock had worn off she wasn’t so sure how her homecoming would be. Koh was waiting in the drive when she pulled up. He was looking out towards her father’s domain. “What you looking at?”

“I didn’t get to the arena today. The wild one is there.”

Kadey followed his gaze. “I can get him on my way home.”

Koh looked over at her. “See to it, then.”

She smiled. “I will.”

He must not have noticed her car the day before because he gave it a look over then. She had to concentrate carefully on his opinion of it when he finally spoke. She hadn’t caught much. “If you’re going to speak Tanoan to me you need to slow it down a bit. I haven’t heard it in eight years.” She said teasingly.

He turned and gave her an unmistakable look. Whose fault is that? rung in her ears even though it hadn’t actually been spoken. She took a steadying breath. She was saved by the sound of her name being called out. She turned to see Cholena walking towards her arms open. She went to them willingly and thankfully.

Supper went pleasantly. Cholena wasn’t bothered by situational un-comfort-ability. She started filling Kadey in on the last eight years as though Kadey had simply been on a long vacation or living over seas. Kadey actually liked it. It was nice to not have crushed eggshells all over the floor. The tiptoeing was tiring, necessary maybe, but tiring. Here it was relaxed. Just catching up on old times, filled in on missed times, it felt nice.

Cholena stacked the plates in the sink assuring Kadey that they could wait and her help was not needed. She never stopped talking the entire time. Kadey often thought Cholena was more of the chattering crow, then she remembered that Cholena actually translated bird. It was fitting.

“You’re father had more than enough to keep him busy. Worked too hard I think. He didn’t start taking it easy until the doctor uttered the word cancer. Then all our worlds just slowed to a stop.”

Kadey slowly rose to a straight sitting position. She looked at Koh whose face was completely neutral. He had known what was coming next and was prepared for a reaction.

“Cancer?”

Cholena stopped then. She must have realized what she’d done and the situation finally caught up to her. “Sorry, I’ve been talking too much,” she admitted. “Maybe you should tell us about your time?”

Kadey was flabbergasted. Did they really think she’d just start rattling off about her life when they’d just announced that her father had cancer? “There’s not much to tell. What about cancer?”

Koh leaned back and considered her. Anyone who knew them would have known she had picked up this trait from him. This time he spoke slowly so she’d be sure to catch his words. She translated it something close to, “you chose to forsake your father so why the concern?”

She stood up nearly outraged. He wasn’t jostled a bit by her anger. “That’s not fair!”

He rose up to meet her stance. He began to speak to her, she cut him off.

“English,” she demanded. She was too angry to try and translate.

He didn’t comply. She came up with, “you speak of fairness, Kadey? What did we all do to deserve your treatment? You abandoned us all without a look back. You scraped us from your life. Now you speak of fairness.”

She stumbled backward. It took everything she had to fight off the tears.

Cholena spoke his full name quietly but firmly.

Kadey couldn’t speak.

Koh looked at his wife. After a long moment he turned to Kadey. “Enough for tonight. Go and tend to the wild one.”

She slid to a stop in front of the arena, dust and gravel flying in all directions. She slammed the palm of her hand against the wheel, which had the un-everlasting effect of making her hand sting but changing the world not at all. She grabbed the wheel in both hands and rested her forehead across the top. What she really wanted to do was drive to town and get rip roaring drunk. That just wasn’t her style. “It’s never too late to start,” she grumbled. Maybe she’d take a nice drive afterwards and she wouldn’t have to worry about anything ever again. “Okay, stop it.” She was being counter productive and stupid. She couldn’t go anywhere anyway. She had to take care of the “wild one”.

She got out of the car and slammed the door behind her. Poor car, it had been nothing but nice to her. She studied the arena. At the far end were some stables attaching to the arena area. She noticed that the gates were opened so she didn’t have to take the hay down to that end. She could see the outline of the horse through the fencing but couldn’t make out much else. She took the fork and threw a section between the poles. “Foods here,” she called out. The animal didn’t respond. She stuck the fork in the ground. “What? You don’t approve of me either?”

She grabbed the top pole with both hands and shook it with a cry. Her body shook more than the pole. She put her head down between her arms. Emotions began flooding her. The past hour, the past week, eight years ago all came crashing up against her. She had dammed them up for so long that she hadn’t the power to keep them back. “No,” she pleaded. It came out in a weak whisper. As emotions washed over her she didn’t just cry. She didn’t just weep. Every ounce of her energy focused itself on a full fledged sob. Her body rocked and surged from the force of it. Her legs weakened and she turned to lean against the post, and then slid down to the ground. She wrapped her arm around the bottom pole but her sobbing continued to rock her back and fourth. She had no comprehension of how long she sat there. She’s sobbed long enough that she could no longer breathe through her nose. She began to pull herself up. Just when she thought she had no more tears to cry a second wave hit her. She thudded back to the ground.

It was never going to end. Her father, Travis and Ms May would get back from the sale in three days and she’d still be attached to this fence bawling her eyes out. Fine, fine just bawl for all I care! She gave in then and instead of just sitting there helpless to stop it, she joined in and gave it her all. “Why?” she choked out between sobs. Soon she wouldn’t be able to breath. She twisted to look at the darkening sky. The arena lights would click on soon. “Why? What’d I do to you?” she demanded from the sky. She had never asked the question before. She’d refused to talk to Him. She wouldn’t give Him the satisfaction. He’d let her life fall through the cracks. She’d rebelled against the God of her father when he’d allowed her to be taken from her home. It shouldn’t have surprised her that he hadn’t fought for her either. He’d let her go just as easily as her own father had.

Her chest began to heave as hyperventilation took her over. She turned over and crouched on all fours and tried to catch her breath. She was beginning to feel light headed. Was she going to pass out? Just when her eyes were glazing over something struck her shoulder. She jumped back quickly and caught her head on the fence post. She reached up to rub the spot that now throbbed. As her eyes rose to see what had touched her, Kadey became captivated by two large brown eyes. Her sobs gave way to stunned silence. She drew herself up to her feet. The two eyes rose with her. She had no idea how long she stood staring into those eyes. Long enough that she could breathe through her nose again, well one side better than the other. She sniffed hard to clear up the passages.

Tilting her head she looked down the rest of the horse. Was she looking at a ghost? No. The markings were almost identical but the color was slightly different as was the overall shape. He was definitely a buckskin but there was something else mixed in, a definite, specific something. There was little question who had sired this horse. “But who was your mamma?” She reached her hand out but stopped short of his muzzle. He hesitated but then lifted his nose and placed it into her hand. She stepped closer and blew lightly at his nose. Once introductions were done she began to move her strokes higher up his muzzle to his ears and down his neck. He swung his head and stepped back. He swung it again. He seemed to be gesturing for her to come over the fence.

She smiled at him but made no move to follow. “Sorry buddy but my dad would kill me if I climbed in with a horse I’d just met. He didn’t raise me to be that kind of girl.”

The horse bobbed his head as if laughing at her rather pathetic joke. “Placating me, are you.” She leaned into the fence. “Come here.”

He stepped up to her and they stared again into each other’s eyes. She placed her right hand fingers on his muzzle and her left on the fence. She could hear his song. It had been so long, but she could hear his song. She began to move her fingers over his skin and the fence as though they were parts of a key board. “You’re a little bit country a whole lot of rock and roll, aren’t you?” He was a wild one. “Wild one… you must be Travis’ nightmare horse. Kojak?”

The horse flipped his head back and forth in an irritated manner. “No, I agree. That’s not right.” She strolled the tips of her fingers down his nose. There was so much intelligence in his eyes. “Dixon, your name is Dixon.”

His head rotated to the side and his eyes widened a brief second. He looked at her as though he was shocked that someone had finally gotten it. He stepped closer so she could touch him easier. She ran her hand down his neck. She began to lean into him and he stepped up so she could put her weight onto him. She wrapped her arm around his neck and snuggled in. He put his head down behind her back so it felt as though her were actually hugging her. It felt good to held, even if it was by a horse.

She would have stayed that way all night. Before she knew it she was drifting off. She began dropping. Dixon pressed her up against the fence as she slipped down. She shook her head. “Oh wow. I fell asleep. She rotated her head so she could see his face. “I guess I should go.” Stepping back she patted his muzzle. “Thanks.” She reached over and kissed his cheek.

She didn’t bother to locate her night gown. She just peeled off her clothes and fell into bed in her undergarments. She fell asleep the instant she pulled the covers up over her shoulders. It was the first peaceful, dreamless sleep she’d had in a long time.

Chapter 5

The next morning she continued with her chores. Though she was a bit faster than normal and not quite as perfect as she had the day before. It was still better than her father usually did. She made it over to the arena in good time. Dixon stood out in the middle. “Good morning!” she called out to him.

To her surprise he turned the other way as if ignoring her. Then to assert his action he walked away into the stable area. “Okay,” she said slowly. “Wow. I guess it was just a one night thing.” She made a disgusted noise. “Glad now that I didn’t get in to the corral with you.” She remembered then Travis’ assertion that the animal was fickle. She studied his form from afar. “Just can’t let anyone too close, can you.” She thought it over. “Ah, but you messed up. I know there’s a sweetheart in their somewhere. Now I’m not going to give up till I find him again.” She wondered what made him so anti-social. Was he this way from a foal or had something happened to him? She knew that he would not have been mistreated on this ranch but that didn’t mean there hadn’t been an accident that left him traumatized or some such thing.

“Now what?” She was determined to reach him again but she wasn’t so willing to break down hysterically to do it. So what would get through to him? She closed her eyes in thought. Her ears perked up. Several different birds were singing their songs. The wind was racing through the trees. She began to sway to the symphony. She began adding notes of her own. She tipped her head back and let the sunlight warm her face. Arms outstretched and fingers playing her music, she twirled around in a circle. She opened her eyes. Music. Maybe that was the answer. He had responded to her emotions. She was never more emotional than when she was pouring herself out into a piece of music or a song.

Kadey decided to take a quick trip into town. She didn’t really need anything but it sounded like a good idea. It dawned on her before she was even off the property that she’d just wanted the music. The car was about the only place she ever listened to it. Music had always been a part of her life before and after. Still she hadn’t gotten lost in the music anymore. It washed over her. She was so lost in it in fact that she wasn’t real sure how she’d gotten to town. The car must have driven itself. That probably wasn’t a good thing. She got out at the mercantile and started to peruse the merchandise. The grocery section gave her an idea. She bought a bushel of carrots, a bushel of apples and a box of sugar cubes. She was not above bribery one bit.

While she was there she ought to get a few more outfits. It didn’t take long to ruin clothing on a ranch. She picked up another pair of jeans and a couple of shirts. She stopped at the hats and looked them over. She needed to get one of her own. Nothing caught her attention. Well, one did but not so much for her. She picked it up and looked it over. It wouldn’t look good on her at all. It was a bit to masculine. She held it back. It would look mighty fine on her dad though. She tried it on. It was a bit tighter than his which meant it would probably fit perfect once it was broken in. She mulled the idea a bit. It was worth a try. It’d look better on him than his other one.

She caught herself smirking in the mirror. It was amusing that she was vying for a twenty year old hat. She couldn’t help it. She’d wanted that hat for as long as she could remember. If she played her cards right it could be hers. Kadey took off the hat and took a last look. She’d do it. After paying for her acquisitions she loaded her car up and headed out. Just before turning off main street she pulled over. Something in the window of a store caught her attention…again.

They’d moved the keyboard from the inside display to the window display. She stood on the sidewalk and contemplated the buy. She already had the software. She could use her laptop outside to record the music then transfer it to the tower in the house and add the other beats.

She didn’t have a monitor.

But her dad did and she’d yet to see him on his own computer. She could just use it when she needed and hook it back up to his when she wasn’t.

“You look close,” a voice came from beside her.

She jumped slightly. “Mr. Stein, hello.” She hadn’t heard him approach. “Close?”

“You look like you’re talking yourself into a purchase.”

She grinned. “Yeah. I probably shouldn’t.”

“Why not?”

She contemplated him. He was her lawyer, he knew she was going through a divorce and would come out the other side broke. “Well I do have a little savings and money left over from the car. Still, I’m starting all over and that’s not cheap.”

It was his turn to contemplate her. Did she really not know? He guessed not. She’d made a lot of misassumptions about the past. Add that to the fact she never really had known much about it in the first place and she probably really didn’t know. “Go ahead and get it, Kadey. It will do you good.” He smiled warmly at her. “I know I’d love to hear you play again.”

She blushed slightly. “I wouldn’t be so sure. It’s been a long time.”

“Don’t tell me you haven’t played for eight years.”

“Three.”

“Why three?”

She laughed ironically. “That’s when I met my husband.”

“Oh,” he said grimly. “Speaking of which.”

“Yeah?” she asked with a little dread.

“Nothing much now but I did retain a more specialized lawyer and paperwork has been filed. Everything is progressing well.”

“What’s the look for?”

He smiled. She could read people as well as her father. “He’s referenced you as to having brought nothing into the marriage. He’s definitely trying to get away with everything.” He paused, “they’re definitely painting you as a bit of a gold digger.”

Kadey half snorted. “He didn’t have a dime when I met him.”

Cleve was clearly surprised. “What about his family wealth?”

“Oh he got cut off for being a bucket full of idiot.” She laughed at the look she’d earned. “His father was tired of his playboy ways. He’d flunked out of school more years than I went. Money wasn’t a responsibility, it was a toy. Mr. Kiten had enough. Then I stepped in. I cut his play days in half, got him interested in college, serious about life. By the time we got married he was a fine young man,” she emphasized the last with a deep southern accent. “His wedding present was reinstatement to the family.”

“Oh, wow.” Cleve was constantly finding himself with the desire to smack the young man. He looked around. They probably shouldn’t be speaking about this on the street. He was just so used to the casualness of a small town he hadn’t thought. Luckily no one was nearby. “That’s good to know. I must say your paperwork has been most helpful, everything down to the birthday card that came with your car.”

“Yeah, I keep just about everything.”

“Smart.”

“I guess.” She gnawed on her lip.

“Something up?”

“Look, I know that you might not think I deserve an answer to this either, but I have to ask.”

“What?”

She hesitated on a few steadying breaths. “I found out last night about,” she paused. If she wanted an answer she’d best not call him Dan, “dad’s cancer. When I inquired further I was read the riot act so I never got any answers…” she trailed off hoping he’d give her a break.

Cleve was thoughtful. She hadn’t heard the news from Ms May or her father. They would have been gone already. Koh, that was who. He could just imagine how fun that exchange had been. The man was abrupt. He couldn’t leave the girl wondering. That wasn’t right but she should ask her father. What a mess. “He did have it, yes. They operated and did chemo. He gets regular check ups for it and all have come back clean. There is a possibility that he could get it again but at the same time they see no reason that it will. If you want more then that ask your father.”

She sighed with obvious relief. “Thank you.”

It was obvious she loved her father. Why couldn’t she give him another chance? He wanted to say something but he knew he shouldn’t. The last thing her wanted to do was make it worse. He’d help where he could. “Get the keyboard, Kadey.” He flashed her a warm smile. “I’ll call you if and when I know more.”

“Thank you.” She looked at the keyboard. “Best obey the man.”

She pulled a heavy work bench up near the fence, just out of reach of a certain long neck. She’d had to find an extension cord for her laptop and the keyboard but she managed to get it set up. She was on the other side of the arena setting up when a pickup pulled up. “At least he didn’t honk three times,” she mumbled under her breath. She stopped where she was and waited for him to speak. She wasn’t ready to hash anything out so she just waited to see what he wanted.

“You’ve taken care of the wild one.”

Why was it that when he was being self righteous that he sounded more “Indian”? Usually when he ranch talked you wouldn’t even know. “Dixon, his name is Dixon.”

Koh looked over at the horse that was busy ignoring their existence. He nodded. “I knew the two of you would hear one another.”

Great. She’d been set up. Of course she had. He wouldn’t have just not taken care of one horse on his rounds. He purposely left out Dixon so she would have to see to him. She couldn’t say she was sorry he had done so but she wasn’t overly pleased at being manipulated. She just stood in silence.

He searched her face. Koh was not easily daunted and had no problem with someone being angry with him, especially if it was for their own good he angered them. “This is good.”

Again she didn’t respond.

He smiled. “Be mad, Kadey. It’s good to get it out but only for a short while. We will see you tomorrow night for the meal.”

She’d wanted to give a very vehement no but held it in. Kadey sighed and shook her head. It would do no good. “Fine.”

He gave her an exiting nod and was off.

She grumbled all the way to the jump box to turn the power on to the cord. Then she grumbled all the way back to the work bench where her music was waiting. She plugged her keyboard into the laptop and started the recording. Then instead of resuming her angry grumbling, she played it instead. The music filled her head and she let it all go, the frustration, anger, pain, it was all at her fingertips. When she’d finished she looked around. She’d had her eyes closed so when she opened them she’d expected some type of response. There was none. It dawned on her then that she hadn’t hooked up the speakers. She’d heard the music so fully in her head that she hadn’t realized it wasn’t filling her ears.

She hooked up the speakers. She turned them loud enough to carry a ways but not blasting. Then she’d played the same tune again from memory. The notes filled the air. It was much more soft sounding than one might have thought considering her mood. It heightened to moments of “rock” like sounds but it also dipped into moments of gentleness that pulled at the heart. As she listened to the notes while she played them she thought it was a bit too diversified. There were too many emotions butting in for their turn to be heard, too many ups and downs. She’d do better to fix on a few at a time but this was how she felt now. This was her current song.

This time when she had finished she’d gotten her reaction. Dixon had not come up to the fence but he had emerged from the shelter. He was watching her in what she imagined was awe. She’d doubted he’d ever heard much more music than the radio just before the engine cut out on the truck. “So, any good?”

He took a short step forward.

“I’ll take that as a maybe.” She fished up a large carrot and swayed it up and down. “Would you like a bribe?” His head mimicked her motion. She wondered if he would naturally follow signals. “Here you go.”

He took the carrot greedily. She heard a whinny behind her. “Where’d you all come from?” Five horses stood at the fence of the pasture behind her. “Did you like it?” She received another whinny. “You’re just saying that because you want a carrot too.” She grabbed five carrots and gave them each one.

When she turned back around it was clear that someone had not liked her sharing. “Oh come on. Don’t be like that.” She walked back up to the arena. “Come on I have something just for you.” He reluctantly returned to the fence. She pulled a sugar cube from her front pocket and held it out to him just out of his current reach. He eyed her suspiciously then took the step forward and put his lips around the sugar. She was sure it was his first taste. “So?”

Kadey laughed. “Oh yeah, you like it.” She went back to the keyboard. “Do you want to hear your song?”

He waggled his head. It wasn’t a clear answer but she’d take it as a yes anyway. “Good. This will sound better after I add more beat. You’re not just a keyboard kind of guy. We need some guitar and drums in there too but it will give you an idea.” She stretched out her fingers then set them to the keys. This time she didn’t close her eyes. She kept her eyes on him. As she began to play he began to react. Dixon swung his head back and forth; side stepped, and then just began moving. Most people, had they been there might have disagreed but to Kadey it was simple. He was dancing. With each movement he made she matched and played the next. He played his song to her and she played it to the world. At one point he ran around the arena, rushed the fence, stopped short, then reared and jumped a few steps back. He galloped back to her and resumed his steps. She took it all in and let it all out.

When they’d finished she felt invigorated. “That was awesome.” They’d had a good beat going. He really was a little country and a whole lot of rock and roll. She stepped up to him and held her hand up. He put his muzzle into her hand and she stroked it. “You and I are going to get along just fine.”

She’d worked with him the rest of the day. She’d forgotten to eat but had munched on an apple that a certain someone ripped out of her hand and finished. “Someone needs some manners.” She’d gotten into the corral and walked with him by the end of the day. It was probably still too early for her father’s liking but she just didn’t believe that Dixon would hurt her. She put a halter on him and they walked around the arena. She’d talked or sang to him the entire time. He’d kept his ears fixed towards her. She’d ask him a question and he’d shake or nod his head in answer. He did respond naturally to indicators.

She told him about the day before, then about the break up, and then what had happened eight years ago. He’d listened intently and it felt good. He assured her that she wasn’t being silly or over emotional. When the night time lights kicked on she stopped walking and turned to him. “It’s that time again.” She played her fingers over his nose. “Thanks for the ears.” She took off the halter.

Kadey ran the flat of her hand up his muzzle into his mane. She scratched behind his ears. “Tomorrow then.”

Tomorrow was little different. He didn’t retreat into the shelter but when she spoke to him he turned his ears away from her. “You really know how to insult a girl.” She shook her head. “This is ridiculous.” She was more prone to understanding Travis’ frustration and determination with this horse. He taunted you. Whatever leeway you previously made the day before he made sure you knew was fruitless the next.

So what next? She wasn’t up for this fight. She hadn’t slept as well last night. She’d been haunted by memories yet again. “One step forward, two jumps back.” That’s what her life felt like. It was no different with this horse. What do you want? She was surprised at the question. What did she want? To feel free again, to sway in the music. “I want to dance. I just want to dance.” Then dance. She set up her laptop again but didn’t take the cover off her keyboard. Instead she brought up itunes and set up a playlist of songs. Once chosen she turned on the speakers and hit play. She jumped into the corral. The music took long enough to start that she was able to walk right past Dixon as though he wasn’t there. Two could play that game. When the music started she closed her eyes and began to dance.

She was just an odd obstacle at first but soon the horse could no longer stand it. She heard his feet shuffle and opened her eyes. She was sure his eyes sparkled. She began to run and he chased her. She twirled and darted as she went and he played along. By the time the playlist was over she was exhausted. She slumped to the ground to catch her breath. Dixon lowered his head to her and she stroked his jaw. “Would it be so bad to give your heart to me?” she asked. She didn’t give him the indicator of how to answer. This was a decision he had to make himself.

The rest of the afternoon she put on a halter and ran him through normal exercises, singing to him as they went along. As she ran him through his paces she noticed that his speed depended on her song. When she sang a slower song he slowed down. The faster her song the faster he went. They were in tune with each other completely, at least for that afternoon.

They had to stop early so she could get ready for supper with Koh and Cholena. She was dreading it but something told her it would be okay. She’d had a good day, maybe it would stay that way. She knocked lightly on the door and was instructed to go on in. Koh wasn’t there yet so she sat in the kitchen with Cholena. They kept conversation light and positive. By the time Koh came in Kadey had forgotten she was perturbed with him. She completely forgot not to smile at him. It wasn’t until he gave her a smart smile back that she remembered. She let it go. She’d ignore his smug, I knew you’d forgive me smile and just enjoy the night.

That night was much more how she had expected the first night to go. They left the past in the past. He prompted her about the wild one and she chattered on for the first time since she’d stepped foot on the ranch. Neither Koh nor Cholena could contain their smiles at her enthusiasm. It was very encouraging. Koh laughed many times at her tactics but was not surprised that they worked. She’d always known how to speak to the world around her, she’d just forgotten. Together the two of them would find a way to help heal the other’s broken heart. It was a very good first step.

Dan was getting to old for this trip, he decided grimly. He was much too old to drive with two opinionated people riding along with him. He was at that alone age; the age where no one was bickering back and forth each mile of the way. It wasn’t so much the conversation. They usually had interesting topics. It was where they ended up, at an impasse of disagreement and irritation. He would chime in himself from time to time, especially on the religious topics. Travis wasn’t an outright atheist but he was a close second. So Dan felt it was part of his responsibility to reign in Ms May when her temper started getting the best of her during a God debate. He let her go all out on other subjects. Travis was a master button pusher and he had Ms May pegged perfectly. She didn’t even know what had happened until she noticed that grin on his face.

Then she’d call him a name, anything ranging from scallywag to ornery heathenistic pain in her backside and then would hit him upside the head. It usually caused Dan to laugh but it got old after a good many miles. It didn’t help that the closer they got to home the more fidgety he got. Ms May had talked with Kadey not long ago but Dan had secretly shared Ms May’s fear that Kadey would not be there when they got home. Rationally he knew she’d keep her word but the closer they got the more irrational he became.

“Take it easy, boss. She’ll be there,” Travis flashed a grin.

Dan didn’t enjoy the boy being able to read him so well. Usually he wasn’t readable and for whatever reason he took some pleasure in that. When it came to Kadey he was apparently an open book. And since it was the first time the boy could read him, he enjoyed pointing out the fact that he could.

“You think she’ll see us coming and hop in her car and zoom off to who knows where?”

Dan gave him a very un-amused look. “Would you like to walk the rest of the way?”

“No sir,” his grin widened.

“I’ll just drop you off at the arena. I know you’ve missed your friend.”

The mention of the horse wiped the grin off his face. He mumbled something incoherent. Travis looked up. “Speaking of which. What is wrong with him?”

They were nearing the arena now and could make out the buckskin. He was dancing around like a mad horse, kicking and wiggling like crazy. “Good question.” Dan had never seen the animal act like that. He slowed down to watch. The next moment nearly caused his heart to stop.

The horse reared up and there next to him stood Kadey.

“Is that girl mad?!” Travis yelled.

Dan stomped on the gas peddle. He barely got the truck to stop before he threw it in park and he and Travis were out and running toward the fence. Dixon stood face to face with Kadey his hooves just inches from her face as he reared and threw his fit. She didn’t back down or budge a bit. She showed no fear and stood quiet as the horse raged.

“Get out of there!” Travis yelled as he began to climb the fence.

Dixon dropped down and rushed the fence. Travis fell backward and hit the ground. It wasn’t till just then that Dan noticed the horse was saddled and haltered.

“Hey!” Kadey had finally reacted. She grabbed the halter and pulled the horse round to her. “Whoa! That is no way to act.” She forced the horse to look at her. “You be nice.” She looked at Travis. “You okay?”

He couldn’t respond. His mouth hung open in utter shock.

“You’ll live.” She turned back to the horse. “You should apologize.” She gave him the indicator they had worked on. Dixon hesitated as though he had an idea of what she was really asking of him, but he complied. His right leg stretched out and his head bowed down slightly. “Good, that’s better.” She patted him on the neck then walked back to where she had stood before. Dixon waited till her back was turn then snorted towards Travis. He looked at Dan but without care of him turned and followed Kadey. “Okay, you can resume your hissy fit if it pleases you.” The horse snorted again.

She looked over at Dan. “You okay? You look a little green.”

“Caaah, I… fine. I’m fine.” He shook his head and leaned against the fence. He shouldn’t be surprised. Travis had wanted to know why he’d kept this horse, well there was the reason. That horse wasn’t his daddy’s identical but he was close. It wasn’t just in the physical appearance. There was something in his eyes, an intelligence and personality. The first time Dan laid eyes on him he’d known he belonged to Kadey. He’d been born for that very reason.

Ms May watched in silence. She showed no indication that she’d been concerned in the least. Kadey walked back over and leaned over the fence. “Welcome back,” she planted a quick peck on the woman’s cheek. “Did you have a good time?”

Ms May nodded. “I did indeed.”

“Told you, you should go.”

“Don’t get prideful.”

“Not me, never.” She flashed the woman a genuine grin, another first since stepping foot onto the ranch.

Travis finally stood and brushed himself off. “How?” he asked stunned. “Are you some kind of horse whisperer?”

She laughed. “I wouldn’t say that.”

“Then how?”

“Well,” she acted thoughtful, “a bit of bribery.” She took out a sugar cube. “He’s a total addict.”

Dan laughed.

“That can’t be all.”

“It isn’t.”

“Then?” he demanded.

“Well, I used the same trick women have been using on males since the fall of man.”

Travis looked bemused. “What’s that?”

Dan laughed. “Emotional blackmail,” he joked.

Kadey nodded in agreement. “Exactly.”

A confused look crossed both men’s faces. They looked at one another. Dan just shrugged.

Kadey sighed. “We almost have to start over every day. He is a stubborn one.” She nodded towards Travis. “I finally get your pain,” she teased. “Today’s the first with the saddle. He’s been throwing a hissy fit for twenty minutes.”

Dan shifted his weight against the fence. “He’s been throwing kicks at your face for twenty minutes?” his voice was quiet with a slight edge to it.

Kadey cleared her throat. “Well, a um, yeah but he wouldn’t hurt me.”

Dan nodded, clearly unhappy. “Oh of course not. At least tell me you had the sense not to just jump right in with him the minute you laid eyes on him.”

“Of course I didn’t,” she defended herself. She turned to Dixon, “see, I told you he wouldn’t let me.”

Dan shook his head trying not to be amused.

“I don’t get this at all. That horse is the devil. Seriously, I named him Kojak for a reason.”

“Which was your first wrong step. Would you be friendly towards someone who kept calling you by the wrong name? Even Koh knew you’d named him wrong.”

“Oh really, so what’s his name?”

“Dixon.”

“Dixon,” he repeated sardonically. He was rather surprised when the horses head turned towards him. If horses can give dirty looks, he did. “Okay, so maybe it is Dixon.” The horse’s head turned again. “You are a horse whisperer.”

Kadey shrugged. “I could just hear his song.”

Dan and Ms May both perked up at that statement. They exchanged glances but said nothing.

“His song?”

Kadey turned to Travis. She’d forgotten again that not everyone could hear music all around them. “Nothing, just music in my head.”

“Is that anything like voices in your head?” he countered.

Kadey smiled and nodded. “Yeah, kind of.”

He hadn’t expected her to agree. He had to admit it wasn’t always easy getting this one riled.

The rest of the week and well into the next fell into a strict routine. Kadey would get up and do her chores then spend the rest of the morning with that horse. Then she’d have dinner and spend the rest of the afternoon with that horse. Then she’d have supper and spend the rest of the evening with that horse. Dan couldn’t believe his life had boiled down to him being jealous of a horse. She hadn’t mounted him yet. Neither trusted the other enough to do so. They weren’t there yet but in the meantime they were developing a strong bond, one that Dan was sure once formed would not be undone. He wasted a good portion of his day just watching the two of them together. He tried not to feel too guilty about it, he was after all semi-retired, forcibly so. It wouldn’t be so bad if Travis didn’t jump all over him about it with that knowing look and smart-alecky comments.

This was becoming ridiculous. It was already far past. They needed to talk but it never felt right or was it cowardice talking? At times he was simply happy to have her back in his life but more often than not it just wasn’t enough. He wanted his baby back. Lord, how long? She couldn’t be back just to lose her again, could she? She was biding her time until the divorce was final. He’d thought about paying Cleve double if he’d take longer to get it all done. It was just a fleeting thought and something he’d never really do. It looked like he didn’t have to anyway; Kadey’s ex seemed to be causing it to take longer anyway. Dan didn’t butt in but he’d gathered that much. What happens if that divorce goes through and nothing has changed? She’d leave. Would she be gone forever then? She might visit on behalf of the others but something told him it would be over for him. He couldn’t let that happen.

He started over in that direction. She was outside the arena with her arms folded on the top pole and her head resting there. He’d noticed she’d pulled the table over. That night they’d come home she’d had her computer and a keyboard on it, but the keyboard had not resurfaced since. Had she played? What he would give to hear her again. He’d been so proud of her, for many reasons but she played like an angel. Everyone always said she had a God given talent. It sure didn’t come from him. He could carry a note well enough to sing in church but that was pushing it.

“You two fighting again?”

She didn’t raise her head but turned slightly so she could see him. “No. I’m just watching him. Just looking at him.”

He was a fine looking horse, Dan noted.

“Who is his mamma? Do you own her?” She asked.

Dan leaned up against the fence next to her. “Yeah, I own her. She’s down at the red ranch.”

“The red ranch.” That was a surprise. The red ranch housed the money makers. Her father had a name for breeding the finest horses and that’s where they all resided. He specialized in several different breeds, in all different fields. His heart however was with the Mustang and oddly enough the Australian Brumbies.  He loved the wild heritage of both.

As a result of this love she had watch the move The Man from Snowy River more times than any other movie ever made. They were both in love with that mountain horse. That movie was also chiefly responsible for giving her the impression that it was natural to hear music in everything. The scene where they chase the horses was her life. She heard life like that, the music changing with the scenery. That movie had quite the impact. The first written music she’d ever learned to play was Jessica’s Theme Song from that movie. Her family had let her go on believing that life was just one big musical. It wasn’t until she was talking with a boy from school that she found out she was wrong. It was also the first time anyone had looked at her like she was a freak. She’d ran home and asked her dad if it was true and he’d finally come clean about it.

“I knew she was no buckskin but the red farm?”

He shrugged.

“What is she?”

“Arabian.”

She scoffed. “What? Why would you breed him with an Arabian? I mean Juxton was a great horse and the two would make fine offspring but they wouldn’t sell. Arabian’s are coveted as pure.” It did dawn on her that her father was wholly aware of this. “So why?”

He shrugged again. “Just a whim.”

“A whim? You’d have had to bus her up here or him down there. There’s got to be more of a reason than that.”

He gave her a sideways glance then stared back at the horse. “Curiosity, I guess. Juxton sired a lot of what some would consider an underclass of horses. Thought I’d give him a shot at the higher class and see what we could get.”

“Okay, that is an interesting experiment but still,” she paused thoughtfully. “Seems like there’d be more to it.”

He studied her. She wasn’t letting go of it, just pausing. He sighed. “I knew Juxton was reaching the end of his stud days and his days in general. I’d taken a look at her and there was something there in her eyes that made me think of him. Knowing it was probably the last foal he’d sire I wanted it to be a special one so I made it happen.”

She considered his words. He did it for her. He’d known that if she came home she’d either come home to an aged and dying horse that she loved or to one already passed. He wanted to have something here for her, something special. He knew he’d never replace Juxton but he wanted to have a special animal, somewhat unique, for her to give her heart to. She wasn’t sure how to feel about that. She stored it down deep to consider later.

“So what’s with the attitude?” she tipped her head at the horse.

“Ah yes, our wild one.” He put his foot up on the bottom pole and turned slightly. “Well that was from a mishap that no one is sure how happened.”

“Which was?”

“Well, I hadn’t delegated the ranches separately yet. Then I got taken out of the game for a while and no one really knew what to do while I was gone,” he started. He was just going to continue but he saw he eyes flash and grow darker as though angry. He realized then that she knew. She knew what had taken him out of the game and she wasn’t real pleased with him. Was she mad he hadn’t told her? When was he to have dropped that bit of information? A time had never presented itself. He let it go and continued. If she wanted to talk about it with him she could bring it up. “They did the best they could and they did well but something happened and we’re not sure when or how, but Amira got free. She took the chance and ran off down to the bottom range where it just happened no one really had reason to go. She was still on our property but in a way you could say that Dixon was born and raised in the wild.” He realized he was fidgeting a bit and tried to settle down. This was the most the two of them had talked since she’d gotten home. “Well the red ranch didn’t think about her because she was up here and our end thought they’d bused her back there. It wasn’t until sometime later, after I’d been home for a good while, that I asked about them. No one could find her. They finally pinpointed the last they’d seen her and started out searching. Dixon was a fine young man by the time they caught up to him. When they finally got him back here, he was everything I imagined him to be.”

“He had the same look in his eyes as his father. He had both of their attributes and beauty. He was perfect. Travis started working on him and well, you know the rest from there.” He watched his daughter as she listened to his story. She, like him, was keen on the fact that Dixon was born wild. It was intrigue to them.

They stood in silence for quite a while. “Kadey,” he said softly.

She instinctively jumped away from him. “No,” she threw up her hands. “I don’t want to talk about it.”

“Well, darlin, we’re going to have to eventually,” he maintained.

“No. What’s done is done.”

“That’d be fine and dandy if we could move on from there but since we can’t we’re going to have to deal with it.”

“It was your choice you deal with it.”

“What do you want from me, Kadey? I did what I thought was right. What did you expect from me?”

“You know, dad, I might believe that if what you had done had been anything!”

“What is that supposed to mean?” He crossed his arms, shielding himself from her loathing.

“You didn’t fight for me when it came to custody. Okay. Fine, if all of it was a custody issue where were you when it wasn’t an issue anymore? What about when I turned eighteen? Where were you then?”

“Waiting,” he argued back. “Always waiting, Kadey.”

“Well that’s not good enough.”

“You were a grown up,” he added, “by law standards. What’d you expect from me?”

“I expected you to do something, anything. Hog tie me, throw me in the truck and hold me captive till I stopped acting like an idiot. I expected you to fight for me and you never did. You didn’t fight mom for me and you didn’t fight me for me. Well guess what, now it’s too late.”

“Kadey, I couldn’t just step into your life like that.”

“Oh for God’s sake, man, grow a backbone!”

Her back was pressed to the fence before she knew what was happening. His right hand rested on the fence and his left hand clamped down on her shoulder astonishingly close to her neck. He towered over her and she was trapped. She had never been affected by the intimidations that would make others back down from her father. She wasn’t intimidated now. She was terrified. If she’d wanted to cause fervor in her father she had succeeded. He wasn’t hurting her but the pole dug uncomfortably into her back and his hand was more than firmly clasped. He just stood there breathing heavily. She wasn’t sure what he was going to do. He looked as if he wanted to hit her and for the first time in her life she wasn’t so sure that he wouldn’t. His breathing had begun to slow to normal. He stepped back slightly. Shaking his head, he released his hold. Then equally surprising, he kissed her forehead then turned and left her without a word.

Dan walked around the house and to the wood pile. He grabbed the axe vehemently and put a log onto the chopping block. He brought the axe down with all his strength. The metal hit a knot in the wood and the axe spun out of his hands. Ms May came stomping out of the house. He wasn’t in the mood for her lecture.

“It’s alright!” he barked.

She crossed her arms and leaned back on her heals. He turned his attention to her and waited. Once she was sure he was submissive she spoke. “Be mad all you want, Daniel, but you will not lose control and get yourself hurt. You chop that wood proper.”

He nodded. “Sorry, ma’am.”

She nodded and turned back into the house.

He pried the axe from the wood and set it back on the block. He twisted it slightly so he’d miss the knot. How had this happened to him? Where had he gone wrong? He’d been a seventeen year old. That’s how he’d gone wrong. That’s where he took his first wrong turn.

Dan had been seventeen when he graduated. His only thought, he was free. He jumped all over it. He’d loved his father’s ranch and having grown up on it but he was sure there was more to life. He wanted to see how the other half lived. With his father’s blessing he went out to find his way, for adventure and to sample the whole world on a platter. That was the time he had met up with Koh. They’d hit it off immediately. They’d roamed together for a while but split at the big city limits. Koh had wanted adventure but he never equated adventure with city life and Dan had. So Dan hit the fast lane.

He’d grown up in a Christian family and loved the Lord. He’d had it in his mind that he was strong and he’d be able to go out on the town, to sit with those scoffers and not be affected by their lawlessness. He’d been an utter fool. He’d been somewhat strong at first. He’d fallen on his face in slow slips, a little slip here, and a little slip there. He’d hit the pavement nose first and found himself with a pregnant girlfriend. They’d considered their options. Always adamant that abortion was wrong he was horrified to find himself considering it. When it had finally come down to it he couldn’t allow someone to scrape out his child and throw it away. So he’d done the proper thing. He’d married her and took her home. He’d screwed up his life; it was time to make the best of it.

That was his new motto. Each morning when he awoke he would lie on his back and think, “well you’ve ruined your life, better get up and find a way to live with it.” He’d tried not to take it out on his new bride. She was a city girl and the country was not something she particularly coveted. He resorted to bribery to make her happy and constantly bought her anything he could to please her. He didn’t actually think much about the baby. It was just something he’d have to deal with when it came.

That day had been terrifying. Ms May had driven them to the hospital. Dan should have been in there with his wife but he couldn’t manage it. He’d gowned up but when it came time to go in, he froze. The nurse took pity on him and had him sit in the next room to wait. Just before she’d left she said she’d bring the baby in to him. He’d wanted to tell her no but she was already gone. He told himself to be a man about this. He couldn’t blame the baby for his mistake. It wasn’t her fault he’d ruined all their lives. He’d waited in fear for any noise that might reveal what was happening. He nearly jumped when a squabbling wail filled the air. Not long after the nurse brought in a small quivering bundle. He wanted to refuse it but didn’t really see how he could. She’d shown him how to hold his arms then put the very irate baby in his arms.

He guessed he couldn’t blame her for being a bit peeved. That probably wasn’t the most fun experience in life and if babies could feel fear at that point then how terrifying would it be to be snatched out of your home and delivered into a big scary world. She calmed a little and he started to look her over. She looked like she’d gone through the ringer. Poor kid. Without any warning her little hand shot out and grabbed his finger with noticeable force. She wasn’t about to let go either. Her little face stiffened up as if to challenge him to just try and take it from her. Had he the ability he would have stopped himself from smiling at that moment but he was helpless. She literally held him captive. Without consulting his wife he’d given the nurse her name right then. It was an old family name not used for a good many years. He hadn’t intended on using it but it had come to his mind in that moment and it just was. He couldn’t do anything about it. That was her name. His little Kadey.

That next morning he woke up and rolled on his back. Well, he thought, you’ve got a beautiful baby girl and you need to get up and do the best you can and not screw up her life too. That’s the way it went for quite a while. Delila had a “touch” of post partum so he took the baby a good deal to try and give her time to deal with whatever needed dealt with. Several months later the two of them went into town. He decided he needed a new hat. He’d tried a few on but none really suited him.

He liked one but it was more of a skinny guy hat. Since he’d started working on the farm full time he had started to buff up a bit. Finally. He’d always been a bit of a bean pole. It was nice to have some muscle to round him out. He put the hat on. “So, what do you think?” She had smiled and clapped. He chuckled and set the hat on her head. She burst out with bubbling laughter. He pulled off the hat and she’d reached for it. “You sure you like this one? Don’t you think this one’s better for me?” He reached for a different one and put it on. Her face went stony in two seconds flat. She threw herself backwards hard enough he’d almost lost her. “Okay,” he said slowly. “The white one it is.” He set the hat back on. He was rewarded with the most beautiful smile he’d ever seen. Then she’d thrown herself forward and snuggled into his shoulder. He stared into the mirror at her holding onto him, loving him.

From that day forward he woke up in the morning and thanked God. He had messed up and could have ruined his life. But God had straightened him out, got him back on the path and blessed him with a beautiful baby girl. Thank you, Lord.

The axe came down on yet another knot in yet another log. This time he had control and kept the axe firmly in hand. They wouldn’t need to chop wood for a while. He looked up to find Travis watching him. “Need something?” he asked a bit curtly.

Travis shrugged. “Come on around front.”

Dan set the axe back in its spot and followed the younger man around front. “What?”

“Listen.”

Dan was growing impatient but he did as told. He turned toward the sound when he finally registered the music. Kadey was playing. He closed his eyes and listened. She was sad. He opened his eyes and looked at Travis. “I haven’t heard that in a long time.”

“She’s good,” Travis acknowledged. “She’s not so much a horse whisperer as a horse’s musician.” He grinned.

That prompted a smile from Dan. “I’ll go with that.”

“Well, since we’re getting so much done today, I think I’ll head out.”

Dan nodded. “That’d be fine.”

Travis studied him for a while. “I tell you, Dan. I was feeling like my life was becoming a bit too routine. Three years and I’ve loved it but where was the excitement.” He shook his head. “Now there’s more drama going on around me then I know what to do with. These really are the days of my life. That girl of yours sure does make things interesting.”

“She always did.”

Travis nodded. “I bet. You should talk about that more. I’d like to hear about the younger years. These days would make a good soap. Course it does bother me a bit I’m not in a leading role. Makes me have to step up to these “tender” moments to catch a few female awes.”

“Travis, no one is watching this soap opera.”

“Well, never hurts to show the tender side once in a while, you know, just incase someone catches the act. Now I think I’ll go hit the wild cattin side of me.” He shook his head sorrowfully. “Just a mixed up guy with a heart of gold. Just needs some good lovin from a good woman.”

“You’re a cad.”

“I do try. I’m gonna say goodbye to Ms May and head out. See you tomorrow.”

Dan nodded goodbye then slowly made his way to where he could watch Kadey. She’d stopped playing and was in the arena. Dixon was snuggling up pretty close. Oh good lord above, she’s getting on. He picked up speed. She mounted and leaned down to pat his neck. Dan finally got it, emotional blackmail. That horse would do anything to stop that girl from being sad. Had she been sad when she first saw him? Something told him yes. He stepped up to the gate.

“You ready for this?”

She looked up surprised to hear his voice. She looked at the gate. He could see the sadness in her eyes and all the anger he’d had from before dissipated. He’d find a way to fix this if it killed him. If she tried to leave before then he’d just do as she said before. He’d tie her up and toss that girl in the cellar till she came to reason. That ought to please her.

“Yeah,” she nodded. “We are.”

He wasn’t but he unlatched the gate and pulled it open. He’d half expected Dixon to bolt for freedom but he waited for her signal.

“Let’s go,” she whispered into his ear and lightly healed him.

He started out and she led him toward the pasture where she’d loved to ride as a child. Travis jumped from his truck. “Are you crazy?” he asked Dan. “He’s liable to ride her to the Mississippi before he slows up for a rest!”

Dan couldn’t disagree. “I think she’d like that.”

He’d heard her “yah” and they were off. Dan winced at the speed that horse possessed. Letting his baby go was not an easy thing. He’d do it on a horse but he would not do it in life. “Thought you were going on the prowl?”

Travis shook his head disgusted. “Crazy people. I’m surrounded by crazy people.” With a huff he turned back to the truck. “See you later.”

Dan walked to the barn. Maybe he wasn’t even ready to let her go on a horse. He saddled his own and headed up the ridge. It didn’t hurt to keep an eye on things.

Kadey forced Dixon to keep eye contact with her. He’d already tried to bite Koh once and she’d slapped away his mouth. Now he stared at her with ire in his eyes. He was one mad pony. Koh finished off the last shoe and stepped away. “That should do it.” He gathered his things and left to finish out his day.

“I’m not sure you deserve this but it was part of the deal.” She pulled a sugar cube out and offered it to Dixon.

Dixon looked at the sugar cube then indignantly turned his back on her and walked away.

“You are such a baby.” She would have laughed but it would have made him all the angrier. Grinning she turned to her father. A movement behind him drew her attention and she froze.

A myriad of emotions crossed Kadey’s face. Dan was confused at the sudden parade. He’d seen shock, followed quickly by excitement, then so many different ones so quickly he couldn’t decipher them. Now she stood looking almost haunted. She looked unsure and not frightened but anxious. What was going on? He turned around to see what she was looking at. His eyes rested on a sight he hadn’t expected.

A woman stood not far behind him. She was casually dressed, long curly brown hair. She looked to be in her mid thirties. She had a look on her face that struck him as familiar. He’d seen it before. He’d caused it before. As a boy he’d lost track of time and spent three and a half hours too long at the pool hall with his friends. He’d just looked at the clock and headed for the door in a hurry when he spotted her, his mom standing in the doorway looking at him just like that. It was the mom look and it was strong. He looked at Kadey. That’s what his face must have looked like that day. He didn’t know who this woman was but she was one mad mamma. He inadvertently took a step back out of the line of fire.

She began walking towards Kadey, her demeanor suggesting Kadey should meet her. Kadey matched her steps but no more. She was having a hard time keeping eye contact. Dan had never witnessed such a thing before. He thought Kadey would look a bear in the face as it prepared to eat her alive. Apparently even the bravest of them was just a big chicken deep down.

“You’re a hard woman to find, Kadey.” She strolled the rest of the way as though it were a casual meeting but her voice did not echo that sentiment, nor did her eyes. “I called to let you know when I’d be home. Couldn’t get you. I called when I got home. Couldn’t get you. Finally, I had to go to the condo.” She laughed scathingly. “My oh my did I not like what I found there. So I called frantically for the next few days. Nothing. I called everyone I could think of that you might know. Nothing. I went and turned you in as a missing person out of shear desperation.” She paused a moment for effect. “That might have worked if your divorce papers hadn’t showed up. Could anyone tell me where you were, no but you must be okay if you’re out filing papers.” She shook her head disgusted. “I finally had to use my key and sneak into the condo which was mostly likely against the law because you don’t technically live there anymore, and go through all of the mail and anything I could find that might give me a clue. It came down to this envelope, which I stole,” she pulled out an empty envelope, “that is from a law firm out in the middle of who knows where. Since I knew you’d filed for divorce I took a chance and without knowing where I was going exactly or if you’d even be there when I got there, I took a little trip.

“I just spent the morning doing my best to intimidate a man I found on the street when I didn’t even know if he even knew you for sure. Once I realized he did, it was over. Poor man didn’t have a chance at that point. Wide eyed and half frightened for his life he just pointed and said she’s at her dad’s ranch and promptly gave me directions. Now can you give me any reason, any reason at all, why I shouldn’t come over that fence and…” she faltered. She took several deep breaths to steady herself. She could not recall a moment in her life she’d been this angry, frightened and relieved all at once. Calm down. Just switch focus for a moment. She looked over at the man. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to be so impolite. I’m Charlise”

He put his hands up. “Dan, and its all fine by me.”

She could hear the amusement in his voice.

She cocked her head sideways at him and took a good look. She decided he wasn’t amused at her. In fact she got a feeling he was rather supportive of her. She’d have to ask him later what he was thinking.

He was attractive.

Whoa, none of that. Focus. Yet she found herself rather intrigued by him. She took notice of his eyes. She knew those eyes. He must be Kadey’s father. It wasn’t a hard match up. They shared a lot of physical features as well as others. They even stood the same, probably had the same gait. She turned her attention back to Kadey. “Anything?”

Dan had watched his daughter shrink lower and lower. Her eyes were completely downcast by the end of her rather deserved lecture. Kadey claimed to like people to fight for her. She must love this. He sighed. He should leave them to it. He wanted to know more about this woman but he’d have to wait for later. He wondered who she had talked to. He was likely to get a good story next time he went into town. He politely bowed out and left them to it.

Charlise stepped up to the fence. Kadey was close enough to touch now. She reached out and tipped the girls chin up. What she saw there near broke her heart. “Kadey,” she stroked the girl’s cheek. She forced her to look into her face. “Kadey, do you trust me?” After all the girl had been through trust was not going to be easy for her. She’d been betrayed by her husband and a woman who claimed to be her best friend. She’d felt betrayed by her father and failed by her mother. Charlise stood before her as one of the last people in her life she had trusted and now she didn’t know what to believe. She knew exactly what the girl was doing. She’d done it herself. “Come over here.” She stepped back so Kadey could step through the fence poles.

Once face to face with nothing between them she continued. “This isn’t a trick question, baby girl. I’m asking an out right question. You look inside and make a decision. Do you trust me?”

Kadey closed her eyes and gritted her teeth. She was broken. She couldn’t trust. It hurt too much when trust came back broken and beaten to death. She didn’t trust anyone. She opened her eyes and her royal blues unwillingly locked with two very expressive copper browns. Copper brown eyes filled with compassion and love. Copper brown eyes relieved to find her okay. Copper brown eyes that were both angry on her account as well as on her behalf. She did the last thing her self preservation wanted. She nodded and with a whimper cried out “yes”. She dove into open arms and buried her face and wept.

Charlise held the girl tightly. Tears slipped down her own face but she paid them no notice. “It’s going to be okay, baby girl. It’s going to okay.”

They stood there for a long while. It finally broke up when a nose pressed into Kadey’s back. She pulled away and turned to the horse. “You are such a sucker for a girl in tears,” she told him. He shoved his head into her arms.

“Whose your friend?”

“This is Dixon. We’ve been dating.”

Charlise walked up to him and put her hand out. He nudged it and let her closer. She blew on his nose.

“Where’d you learn that?” Kadey asked.

“Saw it on a movie.”

“Of course.”

“So what is he?”

A mischievous grin spread over Kadey’s face.

“Do not answer “a horse” you are not on safe ground yet.”

“He’s part buckskin part Arabian.”

“I thought buckskin was just a color.”

Kadey waggled her head. “Depends who you speak to. There are definite characteristics that some would claim separates them out as their own breed but it’s a swishy subject.”

“Swishy huh?” she stroked the horse’s muzzle. “You don’t look swishy to me.” He gave her a horse kiss.

“Don’t get too used to this treatment. He’s a tease.” She was fairly certain he was trying to make her jealous. On some odd level it was working. “He’ll be a sweetheart one day and elusive the next.”

Charlise turned her head pointedly and looked at Kadey. “Really,” she said with emphasis. “You know I don’t believe in karma as a religion but…”

Kadey huffed. “I’ve never treated you like that.”

“So I do have a message on my answering machine that I just couldn’t get to play.”

Kadey’s eyes saddened. “I didn’t mean to hurt you.”

Charlise reached out and cupped the girl’s cheek in her hand. “I know. But you scared me, girl.”

“I am sorry.”

“Were you ever going to call me?”

Kadey began to fidget with her ring, twisting it back and forth. She took so long to answer she expected to get chastised for it but Charlise just waited patiently. “I think so. When it was over.”

“You went to her, didn’t you? You went to her as a friend and that’s how you found out.”

Kadey nodded.

“I am so sorry, Kadey. I wish I’d been there.” If she had Kadey would have come to her. Of course then she wouldn’t have come here and something told her that Kadey needed to be here. Kadey’s eyes had gone down cast again. She tipped her chin. “Please let me be here now.”

Kadey smiled at her best she could at the moment. Truth was even though she felt uncertain about everything in her life, she was relieved. A weight had been lifted off her shoulders. There were still plenty left to hold her down but it was nice to have one moment of release. “I’m glad you’re here.”

“Good cause you’re stuck with me.”

Her sad smile morphed into a lighter one. “Thank you.”

“Yeah well, you’re still in the dog house.”

“For how long?”

She shrugged. “Just have to play it by ear.”

Kadey laughed. “Okay.”

She noticed the time. “Ought oh, we’re late to supper. We’re not going to start out on the right foot with Ms May.”

“I’ve already met Ms May and I believe our feet are just fine.”

“Okay,” she said slowly, “explicate please.”

“I knocked on the door and asked to see you. She gave me a very strict look-over and asked me why. I simply said that I was here to beat you senseless and then when I was done with that I’d start beating some sense into you. She pointed out here and said she’s in the arena.”

“Traitors.”

“Ha. It’s not traitorous when it’s for your own good.”

She really would be in the dog house for a while. “Come on. We’ll have formal intros and some good food.”

Chapter 6

Charlise studied the back of the girl as she followed her to the house. Now that she could see for herself that she was safe and okay, Charlise was able to breath freely again. Lord you know how scared I was. Thank you for watching over her. Thank you for not taking her from me. Thank you…She stopped in her tracks. She’d been so focused on finding Kadey that she hadn’t had time to take a look around. Oh my good Lord…

Kadey noticed the lack of footsteps following and turned around. She made up the space between them. “You okay?”

“It’s absolutely beautiful,” Charlise said in answer.

Kadey gave a wry smile. “Yep, and it’s only the drive way,” she teased.

Charlise shot her a playful glare. “How in the world…” she paused before finishing. She’d been about to ask how the girl had ever left this place. That would not have been good. “Did you ever stay away so long?”

Kadey stopped grinning and her face took on that neutral look again. She looked around. She didn’t actually have an answer, at least one the older woman didn’t already know.

Charlise saw the struggle over the question and decided to save her from it. “Does your father just raise horses?”

She shook her head. “No but mostly. The ranch is split into four. The red ranch houses the money makers, high pedigree horses. Then there’s the Green Stack ranch which is actually a hay farm. There’s the Black Dawgie ranch, you drove through, which is our cattle ranch, and depending on prices and oddly enough who’s in the white house, is our other money maker. Then there’s this one which is my father’s favorite. All sort of horses come in and out of here. He breeds a good number of kinds and purpose horses here.”

“And what is the name of this one,” she looked around. “I missed the sign if there was one.”

Kadey sighed. “It has two names, I guess. The one you missed when you drove through would be Blue Hills ranch. That’s the official name.”

“And the unofficial?”

“Just what the town folk referred to when speaking of it.”

“Which is?”

She matched glances. “Kadey’s ranch.” She nodded toward the house. “Come on,” she turned and headed for the house again.

Once through the door Charlise wowed again. It was the warmest home she’d been in since she’d left her mother’s house. “You grew up in this house?”

Kadey nodded her head. “More or less.”

“Is there a doorway somewhere about that would have little Kadey’s height measurements throughout the years?”

Kadey had to think about it. “Yes, actually. Though it only went to age five or so.” She stripped off her gloves and boots and kicked them to the side. “Come on in.” They made their way to the kitchen. “No Travis today?”

Dan shook his head. “No, he took a couple of days off.”

Kadey pulled out a chair for Charlise then seated herself.

Ms May turned to the table and set food on it. She studied the two of them. “She don’t look near as bloody as I thought she would. You’re bark wouldn’t be worse than your bite would it?”

Charlise smiled, her eyes glinting with amusement.

Dan defended her. “I don’t know. I took a few steps back in self preservation.”

Kadey didn’t react. They were speaking about her as though she wasn’t there, she’d just go along with that sentiment. She dished up her food in silence and passed about the food. She marveled at how at home Charlise seamed to be. She looked relaxed and completely comfortable.

Conversation stayed pretty general and Kadey just let it role on around her. It wasn’t until it started getting a little more specific that Kadey perked up to it.

“So you’d just got back from a trip and had to turn right around and go on another,” Dan asked. He had waited for a more natural segue way for a more personal talk, but none had come. He figured he’d have to make one himself.

“Mmmn, something like that,” she threw Kadey a meaningful glance. “Though now that I can relax a little I must say this is an amazing place you have.”

“Thank you,” Dan responded. He wasn’t succeeding very well in his quest.

Kadey leaned back. “So d’ you bring any supplies?” she asked, mimicking her father’s question to her.

It hadn’t dawned on Charlise till right then that she had crashed these people’s home without an invite. Her face showed a tinge of red. “Aaa, yeah,” she answered slowly, “a bit. I threw some things together rather quickly before I headed out.”

It dawned on Dan that he hadn’t been a very gracious host. “Oh um you,” he stumbled over himself.

Ms May glanced his way thoughtfully and then back to the girls. “I’ve already got a room made up. We’ll get your things in after we eat.”

“Yes ma’am. Thank you,” Charlise answered.

Kadey smiled and shook her head. She’d forgotten what it was like to have an ordinary life, a slow paced, predictable life. It felt good. She stiffened up. No use getting used to it, she chastised herself.

Charlise still felt a bit guilty over barging in. “I’m sorry for the lack of notice,”

“Don’t be silly,” Ms May interrupted, “you’re welcome. Don’t think another thought of it.”

“Thank you again,” she said and gave a nod in Dan’s direction.

He smiled and nodded back.

He really is handsome.

Enough! What is wrong with you? None of that. Charlise mentally shook the thoughts from her head.  

“Stay as long as you want,” Dan reassured her. “You need to call anyone,” he played with his food a bit. “work or,” a slight pause, “family to let them know you’ll be here?”

“No,” she answered. “I’m good for now.”

“You can just take off that easy?” Ms May asked.

Kadey thought she could have some fun with this.

“Oh yes,” Charlise answered. “I have a pretty free schedule.”

“What is it you do?”

“Good grief Ms May, what’s with the inquisition?” Kadey knew very well it was an innocent question. She just thought she would raise some curiosity.

Charlise gave her a questioning sideways glance. “It’s no problem.”

Kadey shrugged. “She’s a writer, Ms May, a romance novelist.”

Charlise’s questioning look turned to a knowing one. She shook her head at the girl’s antics. This could be an interesting visit.

Ms May under reacted to Kadey’s snare in order to not overreact. “That sounds nice.”

Kadey just about broke out laughing but she managed to hold it back. “Yeah, she’s quite popular. Women line up to get her books. They get pretty wild over them.” She gave slight emphasis on wild but not to much so as not to tip off Ms May.

Charlise kicked her under the table.

Kadey did break out laughing then. “Hey, it’s true.”

“Do you know how to behave?”

Kadey thought about it. “Give me a break. I’ve had to avoid that general area of the house ever since I got here.” She pointed to the area. “Because every time I went over there, you were glaringly present. I deserve a little fun at your expense.”

Charlise glanced over and to her surprise she saw the reason for Kadey’s argument. Well at least she’d been on the girl’s mind this week. Perhaps it had been a bit self narcissistic of her but she needed to know that she hadn’t been forgotten. She looked over at Ms May. “I write Christian romance novels.”

Ms May looked over. “Charlise Taylor.”

“Yes ma’am.”

“A friend gave me one of your books a couple weeks ago. I haven’t had a chance to read it but Kadey’s right. My church ladies do get quite wild over your novels.” She shot Kadey a look that suggested she’d see to her later.

Charlise wasn’t sure how to react. She never was. Her success was still a constant surprise. Kadey told her it was just her self esteem issues showing through. Even Kadey liked her books, though she only read them because of their friendship. “Thank you,” was all she came up with. She always sounded like a fool to herself.

“I’ll have to be sure to make time,” Ms May informed.

“Oh now that’s not so,” Charlise countered.

Kadey gave her a look that un-mistakenly told her to stop being overly modest. “Of course she’ll want to read it having met you. Even Dan’s interested now.”

Charlise turned on Kadey in an instant. Kadey read the look but couldn’t react. It was obvious to everyone that Charlise thought it was completely inappropriate for Kadey to refer to her father by his first name. They locked eyes and those brown ones were flaring. Kadey knew the older woman was raised in the south and manners were a huge deal to her, let alone simple respect. Kadey cleared her throat. “It’s worth the read,” she continued and ended.

Ms May sat back and assessed the woman at her table. She’d known there was something she liked about the woman right from the start. Each passing moment reinforced that impression and now she outright respected her. She glanced at Dan. It was easy to see he agreed with her.

The conversation once again left Kadey’s interests. She couldn’t shake this uneasy feeling. She didn’t like Charlise being mad at her but at the same time this wasn’t exactly the woman’s business. She didn’t understand. It was complicated. She gnawed on her lip for the rest of supper and didn’t eat much. Though she knew it was not forgotten, Charlise had continued on as though nothing was up. Still, Kadey could feel the issue in the air and she didn’t want to deal with it.

Ms May and Charlise had gotten onto the topic of their favorite Christian ministry leader, which they both happened to adore the same one. They kept talking like old friends and just naturally started in on the dishes together as though it was a regular happening. Kadey watched for a moment. Turning to her father, who was enjoying the sight, “I’m going to get a breath of air.” She nodded toward Charlise as though asking him to keep an eye on her. He nodded in response.

Charlise watched the girl walk out. She put the last dish in the washer and turned to the two. Leaning against the sink counter she folded her arms and studied them. Both had the uncomfortable feeling of being in trouble.

“You let your daughter talk to you like that?”

Dan grimaced and smiled at the same time. She didn’t react and he stiffened up. She was very serious about this and he actually appreciated that fact a great deal. Still, it was complicated. “You’ve heard of the strategy of picking one’s battles,” he paused for emphasis, “well, this is one I’m willing to lose.”

She studied him a while before speaking, a trait she’d picked up from his daughter. “It doesn’t do her any good to be allowed to misbehave,” she sounded like she was talking about a six year old.

He nodded in agreement. “That’s true but I’m not going to push on the small stuff.”

“Small stuff?” It was obvious that respect was a big deal to her.

He leaned forward. He’d try and make her understand. “She’s only here because you happened to not be there. She’s been as skittish as a wounded rabbit the entire time she’s been here. Maybe we’ve been letting her get away with a bit but we’ve been trying to keep her from disappearing into the wind.”

Charlise sighed. Who was she to chastise these people? This was none of her business and she had no right to say anything. “I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have butted in.”

Dan leaned back relaxed. “Ms. Taylor, it is plain to see that you care a great deal for my daughter. She’s been more of your business than ours this last while so if you feel the need to butt in then do so. It may or may not do any good but feel free. How long have you known Kadey?”

“About four years,” she answered.

“Four years.” He mulled over that. “You know it’s easy to see that the two of you are crazy about each other.”

“Yes, I love her very much.”

He nodded. “Now can you picture for me that tomorrow she’s gone and you don’t see her for eight years. Now you tell me, how much would you be willing to put up with to have her back in your life?”

Charlise didn’t need much time to think about it. She nodded slowly and then more quickly as understanding came. “Okay, you win that one.” He rocked back in his chair. A smile crossed over his face and he is eyes changed colors slightly. It was very engaging. She broke contact with his gaze and looked out the window. “I’d like to go talk with her. Anyway you know where she headed?”

He nodded. “Just walk straight out from that door and you’ll find a path, follow it on up.”

“You can go ahead and save that stern look for someone else,” Kadey informed her before she’d even stopped walking up the path.

Okay, she wants to fight. She’s been standing up here stewing and prepping for a good one. Okay, if that’s how it’s going to be. “I see, Kadey. You’ve been hurt. You’re angry. You’re ready to fight off the world. So to heck with it. You’ll just lower yourself and act like an uneducated ill mannered whelp? That’s not you, darlin.”

Kadey whirled around to face her. “Where do you get off? You are not…” she stopped short. Her eyes darted back and forth, and then she shot back toward the fence.

“I’m not what? I’m not your mother. That’s true. If I were you really wouldn’t listen to me.”

She started to shoot back around but stopped herself. “Can’t you just accept that this is complicated?”

“Yes, I do but that doesn’t”

“No!” she turned and faced her. “You don’t get to but me.” She pointed down the hill. “They don’t think I get it, none of them. They don’t think I understand what they went through. I’m just bitter Kadey who never grew up and got over it.” She tapped her hand over her heart, “but I do get it. I understand better than they know, but you know what…” She ground her teeth together. “It’s not okay. It’s not. He doesn’t get to think its okay.”

Charlise was a bit lost at this point and for several reasons. She’d never seen Kadey this way. She knew the girl had issues in her past and she knew there was anger there, but she didn’t know it had this heated outspoken element to it. Charlise hadn’t taken this course yet. She missed out on that chance. She’d been on Kadey’s end with her own mother but never the reverse. How did she handle a grown woman in full rebellion, especially her sweet Kadey? Lord, I need some help here. There was fire in the young woman’s eyes. Charlise had trod onto old territory, an old pain that had settled and spread to every aspect of the girl’s life. This was not safe territory but it was the first time she’d been allowed in the area, she couldn’t retreat now.

“Kadey,” she started.

“No,” she turned her head away. She refused to be pacified. “You don’t get to ask this of me. I’m not going to let him think its okay.”

“What specifically isn’t okay?”

Charlise didn’t think the girl was going to respond. She just stood there overlooking the scenery. The path she had followed led straight to that spot on the fence. It must be her thinking spot. Good spot, she thought, noting the scenery. Finally Kadey spoke.

“Do you know what I’ve been doing since I got back?” She didn’t wait for a response. “I’ve been playing the ‘that could have done it’ game.”

Oh boy, she’s going to stay cryptic. “Ka…”

“I know.” She glanced back then stared at the creek running through her pasture. “I’m no fool. I saw everything. I may have acted like I was living in blissful oblivion, but I saw it all. I knew she hated it here. She was never built for the country and I couldn’t hold that against her and I didn’t.” She looked at Charlise as though to emphasis that point. “I didn’t.”

Charlise decided that it would just be wise to keep her mouth shut and listen. All the while she would just keep hoping that Kadey brought the pieces together and made some sense of this all.

“They did the best they could with the hand they were dealt. I sure didn’t help the situation any. I knew how she thought. I knew she was possessive of what she did have. I can remember fights she and Ms May had over me. She and I could and would fight over the drop of a hat. It didn’t matter what. She knew how to push my buttons and I hers and we did it well. You want disrespectful you just transport a few years back in time and you’ll see disrespectful, but not with Ms May. I didn’t sass her. That could have done it. Then there was my father. We were crazy about each other. That could have done it, two fold actually. I spent three fourths of my time with my dad. I didn’t play. I worked with my dad; that was my play. I only left his side when my mother or Ms May made me. She was jealous of the way I felt about him and the way he felt about me. That certainly could have done it.”

Charlise stepped up. “Kadey, please do not tell me that you think you’re responsible for the decline of their marriage. You are twenty three years old, a grown woman who has been in a few serious relationships herself. You know it doesn’t work like that.”

Kadey half shrugged. “I do and I don’t.” The sky had been growing dark about them. She looked up at the moon which was glowing strong in the clear dusk sky. “I always knew it was because of me they were stuck in a loveless marriage. They were never in love with one another.”

“Well, sweetie, that could have done it.” She leaned on the fence next to her. She faced the girl and didn’t take her eyes off her. “But staying in a marriage for children is pretty common and sometimes people can work through it and sometimes they can’t, but it’s not a bad thing. You can’t be blamed either way…” Kadey had slanted her head and looked at Charlise in dark amusement. Charlise had this feeling that Kadey was thinking her much too naive for her own good. “Oh…” she got it. “I see.”

“They should have never gotten married. That was their second mistake.”

O, Lord, help. “Kadey, you are not a mistake.”

Kadey laughed. “Really. Even your God might disagree with that.”

“No. Having sex was their mistake. Were you a consequence? Yes. But my God says that babies are a blessing from Him.”

“Then I guess we can blame this all on him can’t we?” Her voice was laced with sarcasm. She waited for a response. “What? You’re not going to jump down my throat for that?”

Charlise’s mouth was stuck open for a moment. Recover! “First of all, I do not jump down peoples throats. Second, God is a big boy; he can take care of himself.” Kadey turned away yet again. This time Charlise was thankful for it. She needed the moment to recuperate. She could never even have guessed that Kadey could be so good at this. The girl had some expertise goin on. She had the sarcasm down, venom-like. She could push buttons and hit home with the experts. Wow. Her sweet Kadey was a fierce, vicious animal. She studied her profile. Wounded animals often were.

“I’m just sayin that I get it.”

“Well I don’t. You said yourself that your dad adored you.”

“He didn’t have a choice did he?”

“What parent does?! It’s a responsibility, Kadey. It is. It’s also an amazing gift.”

Kadey faltered a moment, understanding what that comment outlay. “That’s not what I mean.” She drug her hands down her face. “Fine. The marriage wasn’t my fault, the divorce wasn’t my fault, but either way you can’t remove me from the problem.”

“Kadey! I don’t know what you’re trying to say to me.”

Kadey closed her eyes and fought back the tears. “My mother had gotten what she wanted and I couldn’t help that. She didn’t really want me, she’d only wanted to hurt him. I got that. It didn’t even really bother me. I was glad she left him. They were finally freed from a loveless marriage and I felt a weight lifted from me. I’d held that responsibility since I’d found out how I’d come into being.” She sniffled and wiped at her eyes. She couldn’t bring herself to look Charlise in the eye so she turned away again. She was turning a bit too yellow for her taste. She’d always taken some pride in her ability to just neutralize but it had been escaping her of late.

“It was the next part that I hadn’t seen coming. I never would have dreamed that I’d have to beg my father to fight for me. I couldn’t even have imagined him denying me.” She had to take a few deep steadying breaths. “Holidays and summers.” The anger rose up in her again and she regained her control. She turned to Charlise. “It’s not okay.”

Charlise had finally got it. She wanted to reach out and grab the girl and hold her until all the pain just went away. One battle at a time. “Okay, Kadey, okay. I get it.” She reached out and forced the girl to look at her. “I also know that any power I have over you was given to me by you.” She waited a moment in order to find the words. “When you chose me, you gave me the right to say this and I can not stand by and see you be less than you are. I have a responsibility to you and for you.  I can see you’re in pain. I can see you’re angry. I am not going to take away your right to be so, even though it would be in your best interest to let it go,” ooh too far, “so here is what I’m going to say and where I’m going to stand firm. You will be the woman I know you to be. You will be respectful in my presence and I certainly hope you’ll step up and be so always.”

Kadey just looked at her. For the first time since she’d met her, Charlise knew the fear Dan had been talking about. Had she pushed too far and caused a wedge where one hadn’t been needed? They’d never had an episode to this degree but any time they had any discrepancy, Charlise had found that direct confrontation had worked best with Kadey. What if it was different in the big tousles? After what seemed a lifetime, the younger woman finally nodded her agreement and once more looked away. Charlise sighed sadly. She didn’t come to make Kadey’s life harder. She wanted to help her. She also didn’t like the feeling in the pit of her stomach at the girl being distant and angry with her.

“Kadey”

“Yeah”

“Kadey”

Kadey sighed heavily but finally turned, as she knew she was being asked, and faced the woman. “Yeah.”

“Okay, this is a new feeling for me and I know I should be more grown up than this, but” she paused, “I need,” she started slowly, “to know we’re okay.”

Kadey’s eyes showed her surprise. She hadn’t expected that. She considered the woman and what this clash had cost. If Kadey forced herself to step back from the situation she could see the older woman’s perspective and she didn’t doubt her love. This was the first time they’d ever really fought about anything. She didn’t like this feeling either. “Yeah, we’re okay.”

Charlise’s relief was evident. “Good.” She stepped over and pulled the girl into a hug. Kadey wasn’t overly responsive at first but after a moment she relaxed and squeezed back.

“I’m sorry I was sharp with you.”

Charlise laughed. Sharp was almost an understatement. “That’s more than you’ve ever told me about your past, at least at one sitting. So long as we’re always okay, you can do what you need to do to talk to me but just keep talking to me.”

“I appreciate you saying that but I know that I shouldn’t take this out on you.”

She brushed her fingers across Kadey’s cheek. “We’ll get through this. Just don’t shut down or run away from me, kay?”

“I will try.” That was all she could give right now.

“Okay.” She sighed. Without warning old ghosts popped up. She’d just had her first ‘mother-daughter’ fight. What if? Oh that hateful question.

Kadey d’ known the woman long enough to recognize the signs. Kadey went from victim to rescuer in an instant. “Hey, snap back.” This time it was the royal blues that were filled with compassion. “I think you’ve had quite enough emotional drama for one day.”

Charlise smiled. “You’re right.” It always surprised her how fast the past could initiate a surprise attack. “So now what?”

Kadey looked around at the night sky. “What do you think?”

Charlise followed her gaze. “I might never move from this spot.”

Kadey chuckled. “How’d you ever end up in the city?” It was a rhetorical question. They both knew the answer.  “Ready to go in?”

“What part of never did you not get?”

Kadey took her hand. “Come on. It will be there again tomorrow night. You don’t have to take it all in now. If you’re good maybe you can see more than just the drive way tomorrow.”

“If I’m good, huh?”

Kadey nodded. “Yup.”

They walked leisurely back down the path. Kadey spotted her father sitting on the back porch waiting for them. She fought the urge to stiffen up. When they’d hit the porch she could see that Charlise really wasn’t ready to go in. “Why don’t you sit out here a while and star gaze. I’m done in.”

They sized up one another, trying to make sure each was really okay.

“Sounds fine. Goodnight.”

Kadey nodded. She turned to her father. She would have said ‘night, Dan’ at this point but that was no longer an option, and since she wasn’t ready for the dad word she simply said, “night.”

“Goodnight, Kadey.”

Both those remaining watched Kadey exit into the house. Once the door shut, Charlise took the seat across from Dan. She was tired herself but she couldn’t pull herself away from the night air and beauty that surrounded her. “God really outdid himself here,” she said looking out.

Dan nodded. “He’s a masterful artist, that’s for sure.” He studied the woman as she soaked up the atmosphere. She looked at home. “Everything go okay?” he finally got the courage up to ask.

“Yes and no. Battles,” she looked over at him, “I’m learning about picking battles.”

He grinned at her, the corner of his eyes crinkled as he did. “It’s not an easy thing.”

They sat in silence for a while, both surprised at the ease in it.

“I just have to ask. Please don’t think me impolite, but who are you?”

She laughed at his question. “Who am I?”

“You have an authority over her that shocks even Ms May. She changed the moment she raised her eyes and saw you standing there. She laughed, I mean truly laughed for the first time since she’s been here. Who are you?”

“You want our story.”

“Yes, please.” Her smile slowly faded and he suddenly wished he’d kept his dang mouth shut. Copper eyes that were once laughing were suddenly sad. He wanted laughter again, not sad. “You don’t have to tell me. It’s okay.”

“No, it’s not that. It’s just to tell you one story I have to explain another and it’s not an easy thing.”

“Then don’t. It’s not my business. We can just enjoy the night air.”

She smiled softly at him. “Just because something’s hard to talk about doesn’t mean you shouldn’t. Surely you’ve learned that lesson.”

“Well, that’s one of those 20 part courses.”

She laughed. “Well said.”

She was quiet for a long moment. It was amazing how hard this was. “About a year and a half before I met Kadey, a different lifetime, my existence was as close to perfect as I could have ever hoped for. I was married to a wonderful man and we had the most beautiful, wonderful little girl.”

Her use of the past tense nearly broke Dan’s heart. He could kick himself a hundred times over for making her relive her loss. Worse even, he had lectured her on the fear of losing a child and come to find out she knew pain unlike he had ever felt. Kadey was alive. He still had a chance with her. This wonderful woman had lost that. What he wouldn’t give to make those copper browns shine with joy. Oh, Lord.

She was surprised at the compassion she saw cover his face. Kadey had looked at her like that and melted her heart. Dan was having a similar effect. “She was the light of my life. I’d never known that kind of joy or love till they put her in my arms. Well, I guess I don’t have to explain that part to you,”

He shook his head. “No, that feeling I know.”

“That life ended on a slick December road, when the Lord decided to take them both home.” She looked down at a knot in the wood porch. “I didn’t rebel how one might think. I didn’t run from the Lord. Oh, goodness, I wouldn’t have made it if I had tried. He was the only thing keeping me going. I did rebel though. I decided if God was going to take away the people he’d given me to love then I just wouldn’t love anymore. I made a decision to become a complete recluse. My occupation was perfect for it. I hardly had to come out of my house. Only one problem,” she looked up at him and then out at the view, “I love the outdoors. I was never one for the city. That had been my husband’s direction. Looking back I both wonder and know why I didn’t choose to move out to the country.”

She began to rock her chair. The hardest part of the story was over and she had begun to relax. Sitting on a porch out in the country, rockin in a rocking chair was a step in heaven’s direction to her. “The Lord had a specific direction for me and it was in that city, so I stayed. After a few weeks I was nearly mad. I couldn’t stay in the house that often. It dawned on me that this was the city. You could be in a room full of people and still be alone. So I resumed some parts of my life. I went for walks in the park and got out as often as I needed.”

“Didn’t you have family and friends to…” he faltered unsure how to say what he was asking.

“Who would kick my butt and force me to heal?”

He shrugged. “Well, yeah.”

“They had to pick their battles as well. By the time they’d realized they’d picked the wrong ones I was gone. They tried to stick it out but they had their own lives to live. I was pretty stubborn about it. They never stood a chance.”

He nodded in understanding.

“So life went on like that for quite a while. It was a lonely existence but it was the one I had chosen so I dealt with it. I walked to the store twice a week, on Tuesdays and Fridays. I went at the same time each day and always came home with two over filled paper bags full. The police warn you not to stick to an exact routine; it makes life a bit too easy for predators and such. Lucky for me a different kind of peering eye was set on me.”

“I was having a horrible day. I was lost in the past, angry and desperate about all I had lost. I could barely walk the weight of the world was so heavy on me. I was on my way back home when suddenly the bag in my right arm just tore out the bottom. I lost balance and the left bag teetered. I reached out with my now empty right hand but the other bag tore around where my hand grabbed to steady it and down it went too. I was destroyed or I would have been had I the time. For two split seconds I was just done. But before I could despair, I looked up to identify a sound and two royal blue eyes were locked onto mine. They were filled with such compassion and tenderness I was just lost in them. She flashed that grin of hers and handed me something. I took it and stared at it. She had one as well and as she unrolled it I figured out what it was, a rolled up canvas grocery bag. They were just getting popular in the “green” movement. She started putting my fallen groceries in her bag and I was about to refuse her kind offer when she looked back up and with a thick accent said, ‘looks like God would like you to stop killin trees.’”

“Kadey doesn’t have much of an accent.”

“No, she doesn’t.” She smiled at him. “Then again I reckon you’ve never really seen her nervous either.”

He was thoughtful. “No, she’s pretty steady about things.”

“Yes she is but that accent appears as her steadiness waivers.” She chuckled. “It was enchanting and it slowly dissipated but because I know it’s there I can hear it from time to time.” She continued her story, “she grabbed my bag and motioned for me to hold it up and she grabbed the bag that was ripped down the side and managed to get it in without losing any more groceries. Then she walked me home and from then on she inserted herself into my life as skillfully as she’d rescued my groceries.”

Dan marveled at the story. “That’s amazing. Almost too amazing…”

She nodded with complete understanding, “to be true,” she finished. “It is, well not to be true but,” she threw her hands up, “oh I’ll just fill you in. Come to find out our Kadey had noticed me some time before. I always walk by her at the same time and she would watch me each day I went by. It had occurred to her that one of these days I was going to lose those bags. Then one day she saw a sign that said, ‘Paper or Plastic? Neither!’ and had these bags for sale. On a whim she picked them up. She carried them with her on Tuesdays and Fridays. Apparently she was watching one day and out of impatience she inadvertently sent up a prayer. I think it went something like, ‘You could really help us along here. This is ridiculous.’ Then whoosh, down came the groceries. She told me she was so shocked she almost didn’t react and she was suddenly so shy she almost backed out. But when she saw the look on my face she just b-lined it for me. And that was that.”

Dan swallowed down the lump in his throat. He was really proud of his baby and thankful to God for bringing them together. “That’s amazing.”

She sighed softly. “It’s funny how you look back and see moments differently. That moment, just before the royal blues, was it for me. I was gone. Now I look back and that moment is so different than what I thought. I actually think about it now,” she laughed. “It’s probably silly, but I picture the Lord on his throne watching me. He knows what’s about to happen and even though I can’t hear him he says something like, ‘okay, baby girl, now I’m about to do something that’s going to push at you pretty hard, but there’s a reason. It’s going to hurt but I promise you’ll be thankful later. So let’s just get through this so we can get on with the good stuff.’ Then up went Kadey’s inadvertent prayer and tear went the paper bags. I can even picture a grimace on his face when he feels that few seconds of pain with me. And then the, ‘see, I told you I had a plan’ when I get lost in those eyes.”

Dan didn’t even try to hide the tear that rolled down his cheek. That’s amazing, rose in his mind but he’d already said that a dozen times. “Wow,” that was much better.

Charlise was touched by the compassion yet again. She had to fight getting choked up seeing his physical empathy. “It still took some time and a few instances to get things fixed but in time we got those weights off my shoulders.”

He thought over her story, trying to commit it to memory. It was one he never wanted to forget. “Why do you think she made the comment about the Lord not wanting you to kill trees?”

Insightful, she noted. “She knew. She knew I was a Christian. I have this tendency to talk out loud to the Lord, a fact which had helped me keep people at a distance. Most thought I was crazy. She recognized it and knew that it would stop me from dismissing her.”

Dan agreed. “Both I and Ms May do that rather often, she would recognize it.” He suddenly felt he should explicate. “Though I’m not the best example in the world.”

She leaned forward and touched his hand lightly. “You say this after I’ve just told you I was the recluse that talked to “myself”.”

He grinned. “Okay, fair enough.” He was sad when she took back her hand. He’d liked the feel of her touch. Warning signs went up at that moment. This was Kadey’s surrogate mother. The one person she still trusted and leaned on. Whatever feelings were trying to sneak their way up needed to stop now. “And now?”

“And now I still talk to myself, more actually.” She looked thoughtful.

“What?” She smiled sadly. No not more sad eyes, he thought. “What?”

“After that first meeting I’d thought about avoiding the store that next week. I actually did miss the Tuesday one and not really on purpose. Wednesday my mind had changed. Instead of worrying that she’d be there again I was scared she wouldn’t. She was though and she approached me. If I hadn’t received her well, I think that would have been the end of it. I started to look forward to her but I hadn’t opened up my life to anyone else.” She looked reluctant to continue. It was another hard subject for both of them. “Then one day we were talking and I’d said something about the Lord and the way she reacted sent flares, glaring flares up all around me. I asked her if she was a Christian. She did that thoughtful pause she’s so good at. Then shrugged and told me she didn’t doubt the existence of God but she had no use for him.”

“I finally got it, Dan.”

He choked back his pain at her words and reinforcement of his worst fear. “What,” his voice quavered.

“I got what the Lord was trying to tell me all along. I got the whole thought of its better to have lost someone to the Lord than to keep them with you here a hundred years and lose them for all eternity.  I have never had such a violent wake up call as that moment. Oh I missed my baby but she was in paradise. That baby girl loved the Lord her entire life, short as it was. I knew she was His. I know that whenever I leave this world I’m going to see that smile again and there he’ll be behind her saying ‘I told you I held your treasures close to my heart’. I can’t not see Kadey there. The way I was living, the choices I had made all glared at me. They accused me in ways I can’t even explain. I got my backside into a church that Sunday and a bible study later in the week. I called up family and friends. I did anything and everything I could think of to start working my life out.”

Dan couldn’t speak. He would never be able to find the words to express the gratitude for her care and concern for his daughter. She gave him hope. Would the Lord bring someone into his baby’s life like this and then not turn out results. It was possible, yes, but he didn’t think so. He only had his hope where Kadey was concerned and this woman had just given it new life. He would trust and he would pray and he would hold onto the promise.

“I didn’t mean to bring up a painful subject.”

“Thank you,” he responded.

It wasn’t what she’d expected.

“Thank you for everything.”

She didn’t know what to say. She hadn’t done anything really. “I’m not sure there’s anything to thank me for.”

“You do have a bit of a self esteem issue, don’t you?”

She went red.

“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to embarrass you. Please just accept my thanks.”

She nodded. “I wish it had been more.”

“You’re not giving up.” It wasn’t a question, just a gentle reminder.

“No. Torn paper bags changed my life.” She sniggered. “Torn paper bags saved me from missing out on my purpose in this life and I believe she is a part of that. My effectiveness as a writer, as a neighbor, a church member, a human being has all changed because of that moment. Just when I was getting back on track, that girl pulled a disappearing act on me. She was just gone. It never dawned on me until then that she was the instigator of our friendship. I never had to go to her because she always came to me. Because of this and general stupidity, I didn’t know anything. I didn’t have her phone number. I didn’t know where she lived. I didn’t know anything I should have. I took hours and wrote down every little thing I could remember and tried to piece something together that would help me. My ‘together’ wasn’t as together as I’d thought. She was a huge part of my life and she was just gone.”

“Finally I went back to the first thing I knew. She was there when I looked up. So why? I knew she was taking classes and there were some university buildings on that street. So I went hunting. There was a music building. I asked one of the students after class if he knew her. He didn’t and I mentioned that I’d met her here after class at this time. He asked when and I told him. He said she’d probably progressed to the next level which was on different day and he told me which to try. So I did and there she was. She came out of the building talking with someone. I noted for the first time that Kadey wasn’t so different from me. She didn’t hide in a house or stay away from people, but her posture, the distance she kept. Well, I don’t really have to explain the look on her face when she spotted me. You’ve seen it.” She grinned at him and he returned it.

“Once I’d gotten her alone I just cried out ‘Why?’ Why had she just disappeared? It took her a while to answer. It took a lot to get the real reason out of her. As it was, it came down to why she came to me in the first place. She’d spotted me one day and instantly her heart had been drawn to me because I looked how she felt. She’d felt a kinship with me because we were both miserable and suddenly,” she shrugged.

“You weren’t miserable anymore,” he finished.

“Nope. I’d gotten my life back and she’d stepped back and looked at me and decided that I didn’t need her anymore.”

“What’d you do?”

“Well,” she was laughing, “I was a mess. I was a nervous wreck. I looked like a madwoman. ‘Kadey,’ I’d said, ‘look at me. Do I look like I’ve got it all together? Do I look like I’m doing good without you? What are you thinking?’ I just pulled her into a hug and told her, on threat of death and dismemberment, never to do that to me again. She said she’d try not to. She’s very careful not to make promises she’s not sure she can fulfill, which is admirable but not at all comforting.”

“And you’ve been good ever since?”

She was thoughtful. “Yes but there were times I wasn’t sure.” She hesitated. She didn’t want to make anything worse between father and daughter and it was fairly clear Kadey hadn’t explained her situation.

“You’re encroaching upon the topic of her marriage, aren’t you?” He smiled reassuring. “I’ve kept out of her business, despite my curiosity. Don’t tell me anything you don’t feel comfortable.”

She appreciated his candor. “You are a very patient man.”

He chortled. “Ha. I’m just not going to risk it. Not yet anyway.”

“Well, long and short of it. He became her life, which isn’t necessarily bad but there were things that made me wonder if I was going to lose her. I might have too but she’s a very compassionate person. She caught me with this sad puppy dog look. I was feeling like I was going to lose another daughter and she saw it as clear as day on my face. She promised me that I would be a part of her new life and she’d kept that promise. Her wording haunted me when I found out that her new life had fallen apart and so had ended her promise.”

“Hence the terror at her disappearance.”

“Exactly.” She nodded and as she did she glanced down at her watch. “Good grief. It’s past midnight.” She wasn’t a rancher by any means but she had a pretty good idea it was very much past his bed time and a tad closer to his rising time. “I didn’t mean to keep you up this long.”

“I’d have thought it was me keeping you up.”

“Well, either way. It’s late.”

He agreed. “Thank you, Ms Taylor.”

“Oh, please no more of that. Charlise.”

“Umm, I don’t know if I can do that ma’am.”

“Enough of that for sure. Okay, here’s the deal. You need a little more time to get used to me, okay. You can ma’am me and Ms Taylor me for two days. After that no more.”

“I’m not real good with women’s first names. Kadey’s about the only one I use.”

“Well if it helps you can call me what she does from time to time.”

“What’s that?”

“Charlie. It’s spelled just like the male version but as you can hear pronounced with a ‘sh’ sound like my name. So, two days then Charlie or Charlise. Agreed?”

He sat with his mouth propped open, stuck on an answer. The shine in her eyes won him over. “Yes, ma’am.”

She shot him a playful dirty look.

“So you plan to stay for a while?”

Her face turned serious. “With your permission,”

“You’d like to stay with her as long as it takes.”

“Yes.”

“You are very welcomed, on one condition.”

She looked him over with curiosity and suspicion. “What?” she asked slowly.

“You make sure to let us know if you need anything. You are our guest and are to be treated as such.”

“What, I can’t be one of the family?” she teased.

They both stilled for a moment. She wanted to take it back but it was already out there. “Maybe,” he finally said with a boyish grin on his face, “we’ll re-evaluate in two weeks time.”

She laughed. “Two weeks.”

“I’m much more generous with my time allotments.”

“Well I’m not extending if that’s what you think.”

“Stubborn women. I’m surrounded by stubborn women.”

“Lucky man.”

“Yes, ma’am.”

He rose first and extended her an arm. She took it and pulled herself up. She headed in first but stopped halfway through the door. She turned to him, her face thoughtful. “You know, I can’t help thinking…”

“What?” he prompted after her pause.

She looked around at the scenery, a quick glance into the house, then into his eyes. “I wonder if Glenn and what he did to her, if he was her torn paper bag.”